Hey Dearies, I know it has been off and on blog posts lately and with everything that has happened in my personal life, I’ve been very lost and overwhelmed. It’s especially hard when this year marks 5 years that my son has been gone.
Which is why I wanted to take a moment to let you all know what I have been doing or trying to do to get myself in a better place where I need to be.
First thing first, I wanted to give everyone a thought to keep in mind because it can be difficult to actually accept it, trust me, it took me a while to realize that in order to be happy, you have to take the time to not only love yourself, but taking the extra time to spend time with yourself.
A lot of people, when they leave a relationship, most of them are quick to jump into another one because they think that having someone is what makes you happy, which if you believe that, all power to you.
I believe that happiness comes from within and it isn’t something you find in a person. Yes, you can be happy with someone, but that person can’t be the only reason that makes you happy. Being happy in a relationship and being happy as yourself are two different things.
So, since I left my daughter’s father, I’ve been trying my best to work on things, such as trying to figure out what in my life that I wanted to change and fix. One of the things that I wanted to start doing was to learn how to love myself.
How to truly love yourself?
Loving yourself can be a lot harder said than done because we are all human and we like to point out the flaws in ourselves so that we can fix them. The one thing that a lot of people have trouble with learning to love about themselves is there appearance.
I for one have had a very difficult time learning to love myself. Even growing up, I was very unhappy with my body. I would tell myself I was too fat. I would look at the smaller girls and wish to be that size so that I would be confident in myself more.
Now, as an adult, I still struggle because I’ve always been “fat” and even though I have started to lose some of the weight that I have been trying to get rid of, I still look at myself in the mirror and see myself as fat.
So, what is something I have been doing to change this?
Well, I’ll be honest, the one thing that I think has been helping me with the weight lost, is that I have been drinking more water, watching how much I eat and what I eat, and trying to do some type of exercise, whether it is yoga or walking.
I didn’t realize how small I was until about a week ago when my co-workers noticed how much weight I have lost since I first started working there. When I did, I felt proud of myself. I felt comfortable, well almost, in my own skin. I even felt confident enough to take a picture of myself in just my undergarments because I actually felt confident.
After having kids, you tend to pack on or keep some of the weight and it can be difficult to get rid of. Now that I’ve seen the change, I have motivation to do more, exercise and working out because I want to stay healthy, but I want to actually stay that size.
Do I truly love myself? I would say almost, well for me. Like I’ve said before, change isn’t something that will happen overnight.
Hobbies: Making extra “me” time
As you all know, I love to crochet and don’t get me wrong, it is one of my favorite hobbies, but depending on what projects I have going on, it’s not something I can do all the time. I also have to be in the mood to crochet as well.
Crocheting isn’t just my only hobby, but it is my go to for sure. My other hobbies that I do from time to time are knitting, writing, painting, and reading. Sometimes I have time for them, other’s I have to make the time.
It’s okay to have more than one hobby too. I even have hobbies that I want to try, but haven’t had the time to start, such as resin molds. I watch a lot of those videos and it looks like fun to try, same with candle and soap making! Trying new things is good thing and it can open doors to meet others with the same passion.
Daily Habits: What to try?
I wanted to bring up daily habits because I have been struggling to attempt to do them. One of the daily habits that I really need to get back into is mediation. I found that doing mediation after work or even early in the morning, kind of refreshes my brain and clears my head of all the thoughts running around.
I want to start doing in once in the morning and once at night, but being a mom, it can be tricky to figure out the best schedule to do so.
Another habit that I have been trying to stay on top of, is journaling more. I love writing and I have found that journaling, whether it is typing or handwriting, putting my emotions and thoughts down, can make it easier for you to figure out the best way to handle it or at least make you not so worried.
They say that if you do something for more that 30-60 days, the habit will be like second nature for you. Which is why I’ve been looking for apps to help me out with staying on task, but I haven’t found one that I like, yet.
Get out of the house more!
Another thing that I’m trying to work on, is being more out of the house. Whether it is to go to work, hang out with friend, or even go to the store. Getting out of the house, is a good thing. Yes, I am one of those that would rather stay home than go somewhere, but I’m learning to be more open about going out and spending time with friends or myself.
I don’t have very many friends, so I’m working on making some and going out more with them because everyone needs to have a social life. Yeah, we all have social media, but it’s more fun to spend time with people in person.
Even if you have a date, get dressed up and make yourself feel pretty and just enjoy life! Life is short and realizing that I haven’t done much since my son passed away, I want to learn to enjoy life more.
Currently, I’m iffy about the whole “dating scene”. Which is okay. A lot of people have asked me, “are you going to start dating again?” and to be honest, I really don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready. I even pushed myself to get on a dating app and I ended up deleting it an hour later.
Don’t rush into anything, if you aren’t ready.
In the future, if I feel comfortable and ready, then yes, I might start dating again, but I think I want a chance to be single and enjoy putting myself first. I will admit, I do miss the comfort of having someone to talk to and cuddle with, but love will come to be when I don’t expect it to.
There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and making sure that you are happy, both mentally and physically. As parents, we put our kids first and forget about our well being and making sure we are okay.
Take the time to put yourself first because in the end, we are all human and we just need to take it day by day.