Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Snow Activities To Do With Your Kids

Hey dearies! Since I live in Maine, we have been getting slammed with snow! As a kid, i used to love it when it snowed, especially if they canceled school.

For me, on a Snow Day, growing up, we used to go to my grandmother’s house. She had a nice yard to play in, build snow forts and she lived next to a nice hill for sledding. Which was probably the main reason we loved to visit her house during the winter.

Anyway, since I’ve become an adult, I only love snow when it’s around Christmas or New Years, after that I’m over it.

I also live in Maine, so the weather is literally crazy. One day, it’s just 50 degrees, and the next day, there’s a blizzard outside. Don’t get me wrong, I love Maine because we all have 4 seasons, but sometimes mother nature can’t make up her mind.

So, what are the best things to do on a Snow Day for your kids? Check out below!


Indoor Activities

Depending on where you live and how bad the weather is, figuring out what to do with the kids inside can be a little bit harder. Especially if you don’t want them to be glued to the TV all day.

Here’s a few ideas indoor activities:

  • Baking – This is an awesome idea because then your house is going to smell good too!
  • Playing Board Games – Depending how old your kiddos are, playing Hungry Hungry Hippos or Candy Land is always a fun time!
  • Painting – Whether it’s following a Bob Ross painting or just doing a simple freelance painting, painting is always something fun to do on a Snow Day!
  • Jigsaw Puzzles – This is one of my favorite activities my grandmother and I would do on a Snow Day. We usually picked a 1000 piece puzzle, which kept us busy all day!
  • Coloring – Whether your kids want to color or your inter child in you wants to color, go for it! My daughter and I love to color with gel pens and you can get a simple 60 pack of gel pens on Amazon for less than 20 bucks!
  • Reading a book together – My daughter and I loved doing this while she was a baby, but we haven’t done it as much as of recently. On a day where you can’t go anywhere, have you kiddo pick out their favorite books and read to them. My daughter current loves Click Click Moo.
  • Watching a movie or TV show – Usually, I’ll tell my daughter to pick a movie that we either haven’t seen in a long time or something my daughter hasn’t seen at all. Of course, watching TV all day isn’t something we want our kiddos to do on a Snow Day, but switching inbetween activities and saving a movie for the morning or the afternoon is always a good idea.
  • Cleaning – I know this isn’t a fun thing for the kiddos to do on a Snow Day, but getting them into the habit of doing chores is always a plus! Not to mention you can reward them with some screen time, too!

Outside Activities

Of course, every kid wants to be outside and play in the snow. Us adults would love to do that, but we get stuck with the shoveling duty, but there are lots of stuff to do outside in the snow!

  • Build a Snowman – One of the most classic activities that you can do outside in the snow and nowadays you can actually buy kits that have everything you need to make a snowman!
  • Make Snow Angels – This was one of my favorite things to do when I was a kid!
  • Build a Snow Fort – My cousin and I would build these all the time, especially when our grandparents driveway was plowed, we would build little holes and pretend to live it them.
  • Go Sledding/Tubing/Skiing/Snowboarding – One of the best things to do on a Snow Day! I don’t Snowboard or Skiing, but I love sledding and tubing!
  • Go Ice Skating – I’ve been ice skating and let’s just say I would rather roller blade instead, but it can be lots of fun to do!
  • Snowball Fight – My cousin and I loved to do these! Not to mention, our grandmother got us snowball makers, which made it so much faster to make them.

Those are just a few ideas on what to do indoors and outdoors. I’m sure there are a few that I missed, but let me know down in the comments what you do with your kiddos on a Snow Day!

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Done With Dating

Hey Deaires, it has been a while. Yes, you read it right, I had my first relationship since being single for almost a year, and boy did it not go well. I will have to say that this must have been my rebound because I didn’t feel the spark.

You know that spark you get when you are with someone and you know they are the person you should be with. I haven’t felt that spark since being with my daughter, before I struggled with my depression.

This guy I dated for a few months, it was different, but the longer I was with him, the more I didn’t want to be with him. This was only about a few weeks ago, but I could breathe for once in my life. Ending it with him, I didn’t feel hurt or upset, I felt fine.

I didn’t want to lead him on to think that there was something there when there really wasn’t. Plus it was too much for me, he was anyway.

Ever since then, my mind has been running and bringing up old memories that I used to have with my daughter’s father. Plus it breaks my heart to see everyone else around me with their happy families and I’m just sitting here alone.

Just so everyone knows, I didn’t leave him because I didn’t love him, I left to get my life back on track, which I’ve been doing and I’m really proud of myself for it. I’m in a lot better place than I was last year.

Like I said, I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m not opposed to second chances and clean slates.

At this point, I’m just going to focus on my daughter and I. If a relationship happens, I’m not going to waste my time, I want to be done searching and just get married have another kid or two and just spend the rest of my life living it and enjoying it.

Who knows what will happen now.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: What To Do If You Are Stuck In Life

Hey Dearies, long time no see. I know I have been MIA for a little bit, but I’m going back to blogging. I just switched jobs, so I have been adjusting to that and trying to come up with a game plan on what I want to do in life.

Lately, I’ve been in a funk, like I know what I want, but I’ve been putting everything on hold for some weird reason, that I don’t know why. I want to make changes in my life, but I don’t know where to start.

Since last year, my brain has been on planet crazy, from learning to co-parent with my ex, raising my daughter, learning how to find myself, going to college, and trying to have some what of a social life. It hasn’t been an easy process for me to do so.

My goal for this new year is simple: Find my purpose is life.

When I mean that, I want to find out what I want to do in life for a career. Something that has always been a question or mystery to me. I want to find my passion in life and actually do it as a career. It doesn’t help that my mind changes what I want all the time, so there’s that to work on.

So, hence why I am stuck in life, right now. I want to be able to do something that I can’t wait to wake up and do. Right now, my current job is great! No problems with it at all and the best part of it, is that I can work from home, which is a HUGE plus since I’ve been trying to do that for awhile now.

However, I like that I get social interaction with actual human beings. I’m not really one for making friends, I’m usually very quiet and keep to myself. I’ve learned it’s easier to do so until you feel comfortable.

Anyway, you are probably wondering what my point is about all of this. Everyone hits a dead end or a fork in the road when it comes to life. I realized it the other day when I looked at my daughter. I wanted to be able to spend more time with my daughter or at least do more for her. I have my license and a car, so the door is open for more possibilities.

Plus, hopefully, if all goes well, my daughter will be starting pre-k this fall, I want to spend this beginning of the year and the summer, making memories with her before she goes off to school. As much as I’m not ready for this, it’s going to happen sooner than later because that’s what our children do, grow up on us.

So, what do you do when you feel like you are stuck?

Anwser to that is different for everyone, but it starts with the simple thing of searching online the different careers you have thought about or a career quiz to find out what is recommended for your skills.

This might seem silly, but it will help you navigate through different skills, hobbies, and interests. Basically, narrowing down what careers would suit you or what might interest you because of those things.

After that, look into what would take to get you to your dream job.

For me, I have a lot of thoughts for what I want to do in life: teacher, medical coding and billing, artist, small business owner, accountant, and writer.

So far, I haven’t decide what I want to do, but I did try the path for medical coding and billing and it really wasn’t for me. After answering patient calls for the past year, I’ve been over the medical field in general. I am glad that I got to learn what it is like to know how a doctor’s office works.

You are probably wondering what my next step is, well, I have no idea, but I know one thing for sure is that I want to be creative, whether it is writing or using my creativity to sell something that people will buy, I won’t know until I try and see what happens.

Let me know in the comments if you have ever been or felt stuck in life.

Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon with a new post, I’ve got some things I’ll be working on this weekend.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dating Is Completely Different As A Mom

Hey Dearies! I figure I would give you guys another life sort of update, trust me, I haven’t found ‘the one’, not yet anyway. I felt ready to start dating about a few months ago, since my ex moved on, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to put myself out there for once.

So, I did what most people do when they are ready to start dating again, I joined a dating app. Let me say, the dating game has changed so much since I was last single, which was almost 7 years ago. I’ll be honest, it was nice to have the attention that I was lacking.

I’ve met a few guys, but most of them were either looking for a piece of ass or didn’t know what they wanted. One of the first guys that I started talking to, I thought there was a real connection, he said the things that he knew I wanted to hear, long story short, I started to have feelings for him, but I guess he didn’t want me and ended up blocking me, without saying a word.

Gentlemen, I just want to give you advice, we women would rather you tell us that you aren’t interested than block us. It not only shows that you have respect for us but shows us that you cared enough to not lead us on. I would rather a guy be honest with me than silent. This other guy that I talked to ignored me for months and basically made me feel like I had done something wrong.

Overall, I’m taking it slow and trying to not put my entire heart and soul with anyone, unless they are going to do the same for me. I will say that over this past year, I’ve learned a lot about myself and still learning who I want to me.

Yes, it would be nice to have someone to be with, where you can go to them when you are troubled or just need someone to hold you and just be there for you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Before you can learn to love someone else, you have to learn to love and expect yourself for who you are.

I think with time, I’ll be able to find someone who will not only love me for me, but someone I can be my silly, weird, goofball self with. Someone who will expect my daughter as their own and who wants to grow with me.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Loss Of A Child Is Harder Than You Know

If you have been following me since the beginning, you know all about my son Liam and how he passed away from complications with HLHS.

A lot of people don’t realize how difficult it can be. This year, it’s 5 years since he has been gone. Which is one of the reasons why I haven’t been as active and that life can get tough when you are going through a lot.

Liam would’ve been 5 years old this year and I just realize that he would’ve started kindergarten this year, which hurts my heart more.

While everyone is taking pictures and getting excited for there kids first day, I’m missing out. Of course I’m not missing out as my daughter will start school next year, but I’m missing out on Liam.

I always wonder how he would act, what his favorite things to do would be, would he be more like me or his father. The questions will always remain a mystery.

Every now and then, I get nightmares of what had happened to him, most of the time I try to snuggle close to his blanket, it’s comfort knowing that he used to use this blanket, that I can still wrap my arms around something of his.

As time goes on, it just gets harder, but I’m grateful for the time I did get to spend with him. Even though it was short, it was all worth it.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Self Healing

Hey Dearies, I know it has been off and on blog posts lately and with everything that has happened in my personal life, I’ve been very lost and overwhelmed. It’s especially hard when this year marks 5 years that my son has been gone.

Which is why I wanted to take a moment to let you all know what I have been doing or trying to do to get myself in a better place where I need to be.

First thing first, I wanted to give everyone a thought to keep in mind because it can be difficult to actually accept it, trust me, it took me a while to realize that in order to be happy, you have to take the time to not only love yourself, but taking the extra time to spend time with yourself.

A lot of people, when they leave a relationship, most of them are quick to jump into another one because they think that having someone is what makes you happy, which if you believe that, all power to you.

I believe that happiness comes from within and it isn’t something you find in a person. Yes, you can be happy with someone, but that person can’t be the only reason that makes you happy. Being happy in a relationship and being happy as yourself are two different things.

So, since I left my daughter’s father, I’ve been trying my best to work on things, such as trying to figure out what in my life that I wanted to change and fix. One of the things that I wanted to start doing was to learn how to love myself.

How to truly love yourself?

Loving yourself can be a lot harder said than done because we are all human and we like to point out the flaws in ourselves so that we can fix them. The one thing that a lot of people have trouble with learning to love about themselves is there appearance.

I for one have had a very difficult time learning to love myself. Even growing up, I was very unhappy with my body. I would tell myself I was too fat. I would look at the smaller girls and wish to be that size so that I would be confident in myself more.

Now, as an adult, I still struggle because I’ve always been “fat” and even though I have started to lose some of the weight that I have been trying to get rid of, I still look at myself in the mirror and see myself as fat.

So, what is something I have been doing to change this?

Well, I’ll be honest, the one thing that I think has been helping me with the weight lost, is that I have been drinking more water, watching how much I eat and what I eat, and trying to do some type of exercise, whether it is yoga or walking.

I didn’t realize how small I was until about a week ago when my co-workers noticed how much weight I have lost since I first started working there. When I did, I felt proud of myself. I felt comfortable, well almost, in my own skin. I even felt confident enough to take a picture of myself in just my undergarments because I actually felt confident.

After having kids, you tend to pack on or keep some of the weight and it can be difficult to get rid of. Now that I’ve seen the change, I have motivation to do more, exercise and working out because I want to stay healthy, but I want to actually stay that size.

Do I truly love myself? I would say almost, well for me. Like I’ve said before, change isn’t something that will happen overnight.

Hobbies: Making extra “me” time

As you all know, I love to crochet and don’t get me wrong, it is one of my favorite hobbies, but depending on what projects I have going on, it’s not something I can do all the time. I also have to be in the mood to crochet as well.

Crocheting isn’t just my only hobby, but it is my go to for sure. My other hobbies that I do from time to time are knitting, writing, painting, and reading. Sometimes I have time for them, other’s I have to make the time.

It’s okay to have more than one hobby too. I even have hobbies that I want to try, but haven’t had the time to start, such as resin molds. I watch a lot of those videos and it looks like fun to try, same with candle and soap making! Trying new things is good thing and it can open doors to meet others with the same passion.

Daily Habits: What to try?

I wanted to bring up daily habits because I have been struggling to attempt to do them. One of the daily habits that I really need to get back into is mediation. I found that doing mediation after work or even early in the morning, kind of refreshes my brain and clears my head of all the thoughts running around.

I want to start doing in once in the morning and once at night, but being a mom, it can be tricky to figure out the best schedule to do so.

Another habit that I have been trying to stay on top of, is journaling more. I love writing and I have found that journaling, whether it is typing or handwriting, putting my emotions and thoughts down, can make it easier for you to figure out the best way to handle it or at least make you not so worried.

They say that if you do something for more that 30-60 days, the habit will be like second nature for you. Which is why I’ve been looking for apps to help me out with staying on task, but I haven’t found one that I like, yet.

Get out of the house more!

Another thing that I’m trying to work on, is being more out of the house. Whether it is to go to work, hang out with friend, or even go to the store. Getting out of the house, is a good thing. Yes, I am one of those that would rather stay home than go somewhere, but I’m learning to be more open about going out and spending time with friends or myself.

I don’t have very many friends, so I’m working on making some and going out more with them because everyone needs to have a social life. Yeah, we all have social media, but it’s more fun to spend time with people in person.

Even if you have a date, get dressed up and make yourself feel pretty and just enjoy life! Life is short and realizing that I haven’t done much since my son passed away, I want to learn to enjoy life more.

Currently, I’m iffy about the whole “dating scene”. Which is okay. A lot of people have asked me, “are you going to start dating again?” and to be honest, I really don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready. I even pushed myself to get on a dating app and I ended up deleting it an hour later.

Don’t rush into anything, if you aren’t ready.

In the future, if I feel comfortable and ready, then yes, I might start dating again, but I think I want a chance to be single and enjoy putting myself first. I will admit, I do miss the comfort of having someone to talk to and cuddle with, but love will come to be when I don’t expect it to.


There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and making sure that you are happy, both mentally and physically. As parents, we put our kids first and forget about our well being and making sure we are okay.

Take the time to put yourself first because in the end, we are all human and we just need to take it day by day.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Breakup Aftermath

Hey Dearies! I know it has been awhile, but lately I have been in a weird funk and I haven’t been in the right mind to really write lately, but after a few events, I really want to keep you all posted on what has been going on in my life lately.

As you all know, I left my daughter’s father and I guess a lot of people were very ‘shocked’ by it, but others weren’t. Long story short, I became very depressed being a stay at home mom last year and with my family far away, it was very difficult for me to handle. I don’t think my father’s daughter really understood what was going on and just thought it was something that I would just get out of.

Anyway, I left at the beginning of the year and his family was more shocked than everyone else that was around us, such as my family. My father daughter ‘didn’t see it coming’, but what he didn’t know, the signs were all there.

I was losing who I was and I wanted someone who wanted to grow with me.

As a mom, it’s hard to do something like this because we put the blame on us that we couldn’t try harder to keep your family together or we think back on what we could of done differently. Sadly, a relationship works both ways, two people have to both put the effort into a relationship, that wasn’t happening in my situation.

I had a very difficult time leaving, just like other moms, including my own, when they wanted to leave their relationship. It’s not easy, but it’s better for the parents to both be happy, whether they are together or not.

Sometimes, you have a break down and realized that you want to fix things, that happened to me a few weeks after I broke up with him. See, let me explain something that most moms like me would understand.

I wanted him to prove that he wanted me, that I was still someone he wanted to be with and spend the rest of our lives together, but the one thing that broke my heart more, he let me walk out the door and didn’t chase me or stop me.

You see, when you are in love with someone, you don’t want them to ever leave your side. That’s your person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Well, it broke my heart that he didn’t chase after me. Even though I left to take care of me, I wanted him to chase me and show me how much he cared for me.

Instead, he didn’t and it crushed me.

We did try to make things work and I gave him questions to answer, which he did. Some of the answers I was impressed, others not so much, but I’m not going to share that with anyone because of the fact that it was between him and I.

He wanted to start fresh, clean slate and work on things, but when I suggested therapy, he wasn’t for it at all. Which isn’t just him, a lot of people doesn’t think it helps when it really can, if you actually let it.

As you can guess, that didn’t happen and I had some time to think about everything. Why I left, what would happen if I went back, would I still be unhappy, the same questions I asked before leaving him. Instead, I made the choice that we should co-parent and be peaceful for our daughter’s sake.

We both agreed that this would be what is best for our daughter, which in a way shocked me because for someone that wanted to work on things, he was really okay with just co-parenting. Which was fine, however, something recent happened that really put me in this weird place.

Before I explained what happened, this upcoming month, our son would’ve been 5 years old and this was going to be the first time that we were going to celebrate it not being together as a couple. This year was going to be even harder because this is the 5 year mark that he has been gone.

I’ll be honest, this has been the hardest year for me to endure. I’ve been trying to be strong for my daughter’s sake, but it’s harder said that done.

Anyway, I was scrolling on social media and I saw something that made my heart fall into my stomach. Another female tagged him in something that was like a ‘cute post’, you know the ones that people do when they are getting to know each other or when they are dating.

I was hurt. I was broken. I was crushed. Most of all, I was angry.

I know what most of you are thinking, “you left him”, “he’s single”. Which you are all right, I shouldn’t make a bigger deal that it should be and I’m not trying to, but it’s hard to not let things like this bug you, especially since this was about 3 weeks after we decided to co-parent.

When you truly love someone, you can’t move on as quickly as you think you can. Everyone is different, but if you really truly love someone, you wouldn’t move on as quick as you could. Healing from a break-up takes time, but everyone is different.

I just thought after 6 years together and 2 kids, I thought I meant more to him than I thought. I feel like he is trying to replace me.

That’s what hurt me the most.

I looked back at all the memories that we made, the good, the bad and all I could think of was it all a lie? Did I not mean anything to him? Am I that easy for people to replace?

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, my ex before my daughter’s father did the same exact thing. So, to have it happen again, but with someone that you have kids with, all I could think of what is wrong with me?

Is it how I look? Did I not mean anything to him to begin with? What he using me? Did he just dealt with me until I left? Did he want me to leave him? Did he even care? Did he really love me?

All those questions are still running around in my head and I don’t know why. Situations like this either should people’s true colors or makes you wonder if you were the problem. I give so much for others, I’ve always done that. Put other’s before myself and people take advantage of me for that.

So, now, I’m trying my best to pretend like it doesn’t bother me and try to take it one day at a time. All I can do now is be the best mother in the world to my daughter. That’s all I can be.


I know this isn’t a happy post, but I just had to get this all out and don’t worry, I’m going to try my best to come back and start doing my blog again, but with these next 2 months are going to be the hardest, so I may or may not be posting anything for a little bit.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Don’t Stay For The Kids

I watched my mother for years stay with my father. Even though I didn’t really understood what was going on, but as I got older, I realized that my mom was only with my father for my siblings and I. You could see her put on that fake smile just to make sure that us kids didn’t know what was going on, but we knew.

I knew, I was the oldest and watched my mom put on this front that everything was okay, but she was slowly drifting herself down a hole just to keep the presents of a ‘happy family’ alive for us.

Well, I ended up doing the same thing my mom did, but my story is different.

As you know, I have been with the same guy for awhile and ended up having 2 beautiful children as well. However, over time, things started to change. I felt like I was putting up this front to pretend to be who I really was.

Everytime I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see myself anymore. I felt different and that can happen after having a child, you change completely just for your kid. Usually with the right partner, can be the happily ever after, but that’s not what was happening.

I’m not going to go into details about our breakup because the details are between me and my child’s father. Unfortunately, some of the people round us are very noisy and don’t understand as to why we broke up in the first place.

I realized about a year ago, if not more, that I wasn’t happy and that the only thing that kept me from leaving was our daughter. I felt like I had to stay with him because I didn’t want to ruin my daughter’s view of a ‘happy family’. Or I had to stay because that is what was the right thing to do, instead it made me realize that this was something I wasn’t just doing to myself, but to my daughter as well.

I was teaching her that it was okay to stay in an unhappy relationship.

Now, my daughter is 3, but the kids know, the sense it. I don’t know how, but they do. My daughter would give me a hard time knowing that she sensed something was up between Mommy and Daddy.

Kids aren’t stupid, they know what is going on and that’s what made me realized I had to make a change, not just for me, but for my daughter. I didn’t want her to group up and watch her follow in the same foot steps that I ended up walking in.

So, I made a change for 2021.

This year, I’m focusing on getting myself to a better place. Getting back to the real me, the one that I used to love and used to not give a shit about whatever I do. The me that I haven’t been able to embrace for a long time.

So, don’t stay because you have a family, you should want to stay with your spouse because they not only are the love of your life, but you both make a great team together and are the best of friends.

Don’t just put up with it because you have the family. You have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you in return. Embrace your inner weirdo!

As for me, I’m taking it one step at a time and one day at a time. You never know what the future can hold, but I plan on being or trying to be positive for

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Where Have I Been and Plans for My Blog

Hey Dearies! So, if you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been as active as I would like and I wanted to talk about what changes have been going on in my life. Not to mention, I want to talk about the future of this blog as well.

Currently, I’ve been working on college quite a bit and I haven’t had a free moment to work on my blog, not to mention, I’m also chasing around my almost 3-year-old daughter. I’m working on getting my degree for medical coding and billing.

I originally wanted to become a teacher, I still do, but I don’t want to go through the schooling and then not going forward to be a teacher. It’s something that I’m still interested in doing, but its just something that I’m still debating about it.

I’m still crocheting, if you are wondering and still follow me on Instagram. Since we are getting closer to the holiday months, hookers and knitters, like myself, are preparing gifts for our family and stuff. I’m hoping to have some patterns posted for you all this season, but if not, I’ll have some holiday gifts ideas.

I don’t plan on stopping this blog, but I’m going to try my best to become more active, make sure to share or like any of the patterns that I post or any of my written books or short stories.

Also, I’ve been job searching as well and with lots of applying and searching, I have one! I’m really excited to get back into the workforce after being a stay-at-home mom. I’m really excited and I can’t wait until I begin this new chapter in my life.

So, please stay patient with me as I tackle on the new job, college, and of course motherhood all in one. I can’t wait to post more stuff for both arts and crafts, gaming, and writing.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: It’s Okay To Not Keep Everything (Baby Stuff)

Hey Dearies, I wanted to talk about another big problem that us moms have that I don’t think anyone has mentioned. What’s worth keeping and what’s not worth keeping from your baby’s stuff.

I know a few are you are problem screaming at me through the screen saying, ‘WHAT?!’, but let me tell you why.

As a mother who has lost a child and is currently raising one at the moment, we want to keep stuff that they have ever use, such as outfits, blankets, shoes, bibs, toys, etc. The list goes on and on, to the point you have to ask yourself one question:

Where am I going to put this all?

But, I’m here to tell you, it’s okay that you don’t keep everything. If you are like me and live in a tiny trailer, then you understand where I’m coming from. When you have a baby, you get lots of stuff and most of the stuff is NEVER used or is used maybe once or twice.

When my son passed away, I wanted to keep all of his stuff, even stuff that he had never used, not just for memories, but for our next baby. Not to mention, I made sure his stuff, that he did wear, would be in his own tote.

Growing up, my mom make sure us kids had 3 totes. Inside, she had a few of our favorite outfits, first pairs of shoes, baby books, and some other stuff. I loved the idea of keeping a tote for each of my kids, which is exactly what I did.

Even when I kept my son’s stuff, I still had a LOT stuff that I was never been able to use, not to mention, a lot of family member also get you stuff for the baby to be, which can be super helpful, but sometimes you feel like you HAVE to keep stuff like that. But let me tell you something:

ITS OKAY TO NOT WANT TO KEEP IT!

Don’t let friends and family make you think you HAVE to keep stuff that you don’t have room for or you just don’t want to keep. There are plenty of parents and parents-to-be who are in need of stuff as such.

Yes, you can save those items for the next child you plan to have, but if you don’t have space, sell it or give it to those who need it! Don’t have your house cluttered just because you want to save it for the next baby because when you do plan to have another baby, someone else will be willing to give you the same stuff that you gave them.

So, I bet you are probably wondering, why I even wanted to bring this up. Well, let me get to that because it wasn’t just because I had a lot of leftover stuff, it had more to do with the fact that my daughter was getting older and her room was turning more into storage, than an actual bedroom.

Yes, we do have closets, but living in a small trailer, you don’t have much room to begin with, so you have to work with what you got.

Since my daughter was getting older, I decided that it was overdue for me to go through her stuff and figure out what I was going to do with it all because she needed a room that she can actually play in.

I went through any baby stuff, such as clothes, rockers, bouncy seat, bibs, walkers, etc. Since my daughter was too old to be using those, I sold them. Which, to me, isn’t a big deal because they didn’t have any attachment to it.

So, what did I actually keep?

  • Baby Book
  • Hospital Bracelets
  • First outfits
  • First pairs of shoes
  • An outfit that she wore, only one from each size.
  • First pacifier
  • First blanket
  • The first dress I crocheted her
  • The crib
  • The bassinet
  • Baby swing

That’s it. The last three are because they had a meaning to me, which I am going to keep for that sake, but everything else fits in her tote. Also, when I mean I’m saving an outfit from each size, it’s one outfit from newborn to 12 months. Anything else, I have either donated or sold to those who really need it.

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But as moms or new moms, don’t feel pressured to keep everything, it’s okay to not want to. And it’s okay to keep everything, if you have the room and space for it, go for it!

Whatever preference you decide, it’s okay. Just remember, the moments and memories you create, is worth more than items itself.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Fear Of Losing All Your Adult Teeth

Okay, so this is something that really isn’t talked about, but I figured I would brush on it because it has always been a fear of losing an adult tooth. The real why I’m talking about it is because I’m not the only one who fears of losing their teeth.

When you are little, losing teeth was exciting because we would always get a visit from the tooth fairy that took our teeth and replaced us with money, but when you become an adult, losing an adult tooth can cause more anxiety, fear, and panic, especially if you don’t have any control over it.

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The real reason why I’m bringing this topic up because a few months ago, I was, still am, freaking out over my teeth. One of my top front teeth was loose, just a little bit, but any adult tooth that moves, to me, it’s gonna fall out. I when to the dentist and they told me to take it easy and not bite into anything hard.

To me, my mind was racing everywhere, my anxiety was making me think that I was gonna lose it, I’m gonna have to get an implant or worse, they’ll pull all my teeth out and I’ll have to get dentures. Not to mention, the big key factor, it’s gonna cost money that I don’t have for it.

You are probably laughing about it, but you don’t understand, this is how my anxiety is.

With that being said, I started to do what you shouldn’t do when your anxiety is as bad as mine is. Google.

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I was searching for everything from bad gum disease to implants to getting dentures. Not to mention, I started watching videos about everyday people who have had dentures since they were young.

It was bad, I couldn’t sleep a few nights because of my research.

Anyway, let’s get back to what happened when I felt that my tooth was moving. I was flossing and sometimes, my gums bleed if I floss too hard, not to mention that I haven’t been to the dentist in almost 2 years because I couldn’t afford it. So, I freaked out.

I tried to have breakfast and couldn’t finish it because I thought I felt my top tooth move, so I called my dentist and they scheduled me to come in right away. So, I went in and they took a look at the tooth and did confirm that I wasn’t nuts and it was moving slightly, keyword slightly.

Not to mention, I’m 22 and I STILL have my wisdom teeth in, they told me I needed to go get those pulled. They don’t bother me, but up until now, they are starting to push my teeth together, not to mention if I’m getting one pulled, you might as well get them all pulled.

With that being said, I’ve been brushing, flossing, and mouth rising like it is a religion because I’m afraid to have dentures.

But why are we so afraid to get dentures? Well, because we think it’s for old people, which you aren’t wrong, but there are young people who have them as well. The youngest person to ever wear dentures is 3 years old.

That’s crazy, but depending on what their genetics are, it can force you to be without your teeth. If you go on Youtube, you’ll find lots of people, young and old people, who had dentures and how they are trying to make it so it isn’t just for ‘older’ folks.

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Some of them even have dental implants, which can cost a fortune, just to get them. Hearing their stories and what they struggled with losing their teeth, especially at a young age, makes me inspired. Not to mention, it won’t make me feel alone because there are people at my age that have fake teeth.

It’s something no one should be ashamed about, but instead, embrace it.

Especially since I’ve had 2 children and pregnancy can do a HUGE number onto your teeth. So, if it happens to me, it happens. Seeing those videos and reading about these people that have dentures or fake teeth, relaxes me in a way and it lets you know that you aren’t alone.

Do you have fears that your teeth are going to fall out? Leave a comment down below, I would love to know that I’m not the only one that has a fear about it.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: What You Should Think About Before Joining A MLM

Hey Dearies! So lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends have been joining MLM businesses. In the past few years, these MLM businesses have everywhere! There isn’t one person that I know that is or did join an MLM business.

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If you don’t know what an MLM is, let me explain: MLM stands for multi-level marketing. It is also called the ‘pyramid selling’, ‘network marketing’, and referral marking’.

In simpler terms, they want you to have more of your friends join so you can go up higher in the company.

Here are a few companies that are MLM:

  • Avon
  • Mary Kay
  • Herbalife
  • Scenty
  • doTerra
  • Younique
  • Le-vel
  • Pampered Chef
  • It Works!
  • Paparazzi

These are just a few of the MANY MLM businesses that are out there. I only labeled a few that are the most popular or what I have seen is the most popular.

I bet you are wondering, who are the targets for these companies?

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Stay-at-home moms or moms in general. Some companies like to have their reps post on how you can work from home and still spend time with your children. Which are most mother’s dreams, who wouldn’t want to stay home with their kids and make money all at the same time?

Unfortunately, a lot of people jump into these businesses, after being persuaded to try one of these companies products out. So, I’m going to talk about the things you need to know BEFORE joining an MLM business.


Do you like the products that they sell?

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First things first, you have to love what you are selling before selling it. Most people get into MLM businesses because they loved the products that the businesses were selling. Think of it this way, if you wouldn’t use it or buy it, why would you have your friends and family buy it?


Talk to a form rep or read reviews from former reps online.

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Before even investing a dime into an MLM business, talk to the former reps! From their experience, they can tell you what they wished they could’ve done differently. They can also give you some pointers on what helped them out when they were active in that company. Even ask them why they left and keep that in mind when you are thinking about joining an MLM company.

DON’T talk to the reps that are still active, they will most likely convince you to join the company and tell you how great it is, but you need to make sure you have not just the pros, but the cons too.


How much money will you have to invest?

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This is another big one to think about. Especially, if you are a stay-at-home mom. Making sure you know or have an idea of how much money you spend on an MLM company, is a HUGE thing to know.

Reps will talk about how it’s only a small or one-time price to join, but you also have to think about if you will be buying more products. Remember, you have to show what you are selling to make a sale if your clients don’t know what it looks like or wants to see it in person.


Will you have the time for it?

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This is also another thing to think about. Some of the companies want you to post on your social media all the time about the products or hounding you to make a sale. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you want to make sure that you can care and spend as much time with your kids, but if you also have to post or make sales, it might be harder to do.


How many other people, such as friends and family, sell it?

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You won’t be the only one selling for an MLM company, but it is good to know who is selling from the same company you are. If you have more than 3 people selling the same products you are, it is going to be difficult to even make a sale.

A lot of people don’t think about it either, they get so excited to sell the products that an MLM is offering, that when it comes time to do so, they are having even more trouble trying to make a sale since they find out that more peeps on their friends list are selling the same thing that you are.


DO YOUR RESEARCH ON THE COMPANY!!

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A lot of people forget to even think about this before joining. You want to make sure that the company is everything that you are told it is. If they support or donate money to a charity or support a group, make sure that they are really doing so.

Before becoming a rep, you want to make sure that when you get into an MLM company, they are everything you support. Making sure that the quality of the product is the same as well and also making sure what they claim is true, as well.

Doing your own research and making a list of the pros and cons of the company is something you must do, especially if you want to join an MLM company.


Take your time, don’t rush into it.

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Looking over all the pros and cons of an MLM company, you can decide whether this is something you want to do. Talk it over with your spouse, family, and friends, get their insights about it.

Take as long as you need, just remember, the choice is yours. If you think it’s a great idea, go for it! Just make sure that the company and its products are what you are passionate about. Remember, if you wouldn’t buy it, why would you want to sell it to anyone else?

 

 

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: What Some People Don’t Understand About Being A Stay-At-Home Mom

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What do you think of when you hear ‘stay-at-home mom’? Do you think, ‘Wow, they are so lucky, they must get so much time.’ or ‘Their kids must drive them crazy!’ or ‘They probably didn’t want to go back to work.’ There are so many opinions about stay-at-home moms, but they don’t understand what goes through the mind of a stay-at-home mom.

I’m a stay-at-home mom. I made the decision to become one when I realized that I didn’t want to miss out on any of my daughters milestones. I also talked to my fiance to make sure it was something we could afford to do.

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However, I didn’t expect to be a stay at home mom. Way before I even had kids, I did have a plan of what I wanted to do in my future. I wanted to become a teacher. Still to this day, I would love to be a teacher, but sometimes plans change when you have kids.

Let’s get back to me being a stay-at-home mom. The other downfall is that I don’t have a way to get from place to place because I’ve got some compilations with getting my license, so once a week, my mother comes to pick me up and it gives me a chance to get out of the house.

When I get back home, I’m in this state of mind: lonely. I know I’m not alone, but when you are a stay-at-home mom, the only people you talk to is your children and whenever your spouse is home. You are probably saying, ‘Don’t you have other friends or mom friends you can talk to or invite over.’

Yes, I do, but here is the thing about me. I have no problem talk to close family, but when it comes to friends, I feel like this: I’m bothering them. They are probably busy. They don’t want to hear from me. I don’t have a car, they will think I’m using them. They probably don’t like me. 

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Those sentences run through my mind when I think about talking to someone other than my family. I do have a few friends that stay-at-home, but I will always feel like a bother to them. Which I might not be, but I feel like that for everyone, anytime someone does something for me or my family, I feel it was done because I was a bother.

Moving on, a lot of people think their house would be spotless, being able to stay home. I try my best to keep the place in ‘decent shape’, but between ordering stuff online, broken appliances, toys everywhere, and having a bunch of stuff that we have no room for, it’s very hard to keep this place spotless.

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I’m lucky to sweep at least once a week or vacuum. Dishes, the ones that we use the most get rewashed everyday, the other just sit until we need them. I’ve gotten all the dishes done at one point, but they stack up quicker. Laundry has been difficult because of the fact that they are broken.

It’s not just that, I worry about not being able to pay off bills, my own medical bills. I worry about little things, but they turn into giant things because my mind makes them a big thing.

You also have to take in fact that my daughter always wants me, so doing stuff around the house during the day is difficult. ‘You can get them done when she goes to sleep or takes a nap.’ Yeah, I can, during her naps, I try to get as much as I can done, but when she goes to sleep for the night, it’s difficult because I’m exhausted and I usually take that time to relax doing what I want to do. Sometimes, I’m just too tired and just go to bed.

The one thing people always asks me is: Do you love being a stay-at-home mom?

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Yes and no. The no part is that you don’t socialize very much with adults, chores can be a challenge to do, you get depressed very quickly, you mind feels, and you never get a break, sometimes. Why do I love it? I get to see my daughter reach milestones. Watch laugh, cry, walk, find her voice, play with her toys, talk, and most of all, make her known that she is loved.

If you are a stay-at-home mom and can get all the chores done, being able to sit on the couch folding laundry with a cup of coffee, watching your kids favorite T.V. show, good for you! I’m glad you have the motivation to do all that, I wish I had motivation for that.

But, if you are like me, where we barely get stuff done, spend it most with our kids, forgetting to sweep, worrying about what to do with stuff that you can’t decided to throw away or keep. It’s okay!

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It’s okay that our emotions get in the way, we just have to learn to deal with them in the most healthiest way possible. It’s okay if you reach out for help, sometimes you just need an outsiders point of view.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Being Afraid Of The Scale

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When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see in the mirror is me. Not just me, but the extra weight that hangs over, under my arms, under my chin, and the worse, the muffin top.

Ever since I’ve been little, I hated the scale. In school, I didn’t want to step on it and have everyone find out what my weight was. To this day, stepping on the scale scares me. I’m afraid of it being too high. I’m afraid of everyone knowing my number of how much I weigh.

It’s hard for me to even think about losing weight, because I always hear everyone around me saying, ‘Isn’t she too young to be big for that size?’. It has scared me, to the point where I was ready to give up on trying to lose weight and ignore the comments.

The comments would always come back to haunt me. Even after having kids, I still haven’t managed to lose the baby weight, but other mothers are so lucky and drop it at the snap of their fingers. I’ve always wanted to be just like those moms, drop the extra weight and keep it off.

This morning, after I woke up, I did something I wouldn’t normally do. Step on the scale.

Just pulling it from under my sink, I worried on how big the number was going to be, even with me doing yoga for about a week. What if the number is too high? What if the yoga isn’t working or I’m not putting in enough effort? What if I am eating too much?

Those questions kept circling my mind as I finally stepped onto the scale. My face flushed as I looked down at the haunting number. 234.8. A lot of you might not think that its a lot, but for me, I have been in the 200’s since high school. It puts a damper on your mind. Or for me, I tell myself that it’s not good enough.

You see, we are told at a young age that we can’t be ‘big’ or ‘fat’. Even in school, they make us take a test on how ‘healthy’ we are, or to see how ‘overweight’ we are. To me, it made me feel that I had to be skinny to fit in, have friend, do sports, or even join teams.

Maybe its just me, that has problems trying to lose weight. Maybe I’m the only one having issues with it. It gets harder to want to do anything when technology keeps getting better and is making us become more lazy or not have motivation to do anything.

The real issue is that no of us should be afraid of stepping on a scale, but stepping on a scale will give you, not just a number, but where you would fit on the scale of what is socially normal to be, in this world today.

Next time you see an overweight person, don’t judge them because they are fat or look overweight, don’t judge them. You should only judge them as a person by their personality, not their looks.

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Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Why I Decided To Fix An Old Friendship

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So, if you have been reading or following my blog since April of this year, I talked about how I had to get rid of one of my best friends because it was too much unwanted drama and stress. I didn’t fix that relationship, believe me, it’s not worth fixing, to me.

I’m talking about another relationship that I destroyed back in my senior year of high school. I can’t really remember why I got rid of her as a friend. I believe it was because I thought she was more drama, but I don’t have a set reason on why I did what I did.

I’ve known her since the 10th grade, but we really connected and became best friends in 11th grade. We had many fights, but always fixed them as soon as possible. When senior year was coming to an end, I ended the friendship. Maybe because I didn’t think I would see her as much? Maybe I wanted to end the pain of losing her as a friend?

The only thing I can think of is that I was very immature and everyone in high school can be immature. What really made me look back and realized all the stupid shit I did and all the people I pushed out of my life, was when I lost my son.

When you go through something as difficult and it changes you. You think of things differently, you rethink all your actions, and you become more mature after going through something as difficult as death or anything.

After my son died, I deleted my old Facebook and created a new one a few months after, I wanted time away from social media. Well, in the past couple weeks, I saw her profile pop up on my suggestions list for friends. I debated on whether on messaging her or not, just because on how I ended things so quickly and without reason.

I’ll be honest, when I finally got the courage to message her, I literally had it all wrote out on my phone, planning on what I was gonna say to her. Deep down, I knew that I should at least be an adult and say sorry for all the crap I caused. All I thought she would do is have my ass handed to me, which I totally deserved, but I was shocked.

I think she was shocked too when I sent that message, but I’m glad I did. She forgave me, something I didn’t think that would happen, but she did. It shows how much we have both grown up in the past almost 3 years.

We ended up telling each other everything we have done within the past 3 years. We even talked about our high school days. I was shocked to find out that she had been thinking about me too, wondering why I got rid of her as a friend.

If I looked back at the only really close friendships I had, the one I had with her, was probably the best because we clicked a lot better that I did with my other ex best friend. The ex best friend, we had a few things in common, but I feel I was more issues and drama because she wanted to be center of attention.

I’m glad I took the shot to fix a broken friendship that I ruined. It felt good to know that after 3 years, we clicked back, just like that. Even now, that I have kids, she still would’ve stayed if I just kept her in my life, but the past is in the past. I’m going to try my best to, hopefully, keep this friendship for many more years and years to come.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Is It Possible To Work From Home As A Stay-At-Home Parent?

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Yes, I know it’s been a while since I have done a ‘Mom Talk’, but I wanted to go into detail to see if it is really possible to work from home as a stay-at-home parent. Whether you are trying to make extra cash for spending or looking to create a permit career.

Every since I had my kids, I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and also have a career from home as well. There is a lot of scams, but their are a few that are very legit and could even give you benefits for you and your family.

I search everyday for a work at home career or even just a part-time job, but there is always an issue. Either I don’t have the experience, I don’t have a quiet place, or don’t have the sale mind to bug people to buy the products I’m pushing to sell.

So, I looked into doing survey’s for cash. However, there is always a catch. You either can’t cash out until you make, at least, $20-$30 bucks, which takes forever to do. Plus the survey’s were either the same thing, that I would spend 30 minutes to an hour to complete and only got less than .25 cents, or I wouldn’t qualify for most of the survey’s.

Let me tell you something, it IS possible to work from home. You just have to find it at the right opportunity.

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I’ve heard so many stories of people that are making enough money for even their spouses don’t have to work, plus still having enough money to buy their dream home, or have that car they always wanted, or even have a big family, like they have always dreamed of having.

I’ve always thought that if the time was right, the opportunity will come to me, I just can’t stop searching. Although, I’ve been trying to get back into the Customer Service pool, but the two things that stop me are: I have a loud, barking at whatever moves or makes a loud sound, dog and not feeling confident enough to do both working and taking care of my daughter.

That’s why I started this blog. I wanted to have a job where I could work whenever, but still have time for my kids. I still haven’t found a way to actually make money off of it, yet, but it’s possible. I just can’t give up.

Maybe one day, I’ll be able to look back on this all and enjoy my life as a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. Like I have always told myself, if it’s meant to be, then its meant to be. If it isn’t, just keep on swimming and don’t give up.

Posted in Mom Talk

My Little Heart Warrior

**WARNING**

*This is a very true story. Tissues might be needed. It was difficult to write this, but it is something that helps me express what had happen with my son and his short journey. Please, just take caution when reading.*

There are a lot of ‘Mom Blogs’ out in the web. Some talk about how to take care of a child or their experiences with their child’s first achievements in life. But I haven’t seen very many that talk about the experience of having a child with a heart disease. Let’s just say that it’s very much an emotional rollar coaster.

Well, that’s what it was for me. My son was diagnosed with HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) when I was 22 weeks pregnant with him. Basically, HLHS is when the left side of their heart is either underdeveloped or never formed. Once he was born, he would have to go into surgery within the first week of life.

Altogether, he would have to go through 3 major surgeries with in the first 3 years of his life. Now, I was 18 when I was pregnant with my son, Liam. Image being me at 18, and being told that there was a very big change that he wouldn’t make it. Liam’s everyday life would be either life or death.

The happy family that my fiance and I imaged had changed. We didn’t know if he would make it to his first birthday. We had so many unanswered questions. Would he be able to play sports when he gets older? Would he need a heart transplant in the future if his starts to fail? Or the big question that we wanted to know: Would he ever make it home from the hospital?

Because of how serious his disease was, we weren’t able to have him, in our state. We were recommended to go down to Boston Children’s Hospital. We were told that they deal with congenital heart defects everyday. It made me and our family feel a lot better about having Liam there.

Once Liam was born, he was the most beautiful baby boy that I ever laid eyes on. You couldn’t see that there was anything wrong with him, but on the inside, there was a struggling heart that we would of never noticed.

As soon as I hear him cry, I started to cry myself. They cleaned him up and gave him medicine, to keep the values from closing. We could only hold him for a minute before they took him up to where he needed to be.

I finally got to hold him longer, later that day. I wanted to keep holding him because I knew that once he had his surgery, it would be a very long time until we were able to hold him again. They planned for his first surgery to be on June 27th, 2016, 3 days after his birth.

My fiance and I spent the entire day with him, holding him, getting as much closeness as we could. Until, the morning of his surgery came. We walked down with him, until we got to the point we weren’t able to go past. We both kissed his and held his little fingers. Praying that god would watch over our little boy.

During that day, we got out of the hospital, trying to get our minds off of the fact that they were doing surgery on our son. I wanted to wait all day, but my fiance and I agreed it would be best to go out and get some fresh air. We got frequent updates, while Liam was in surgery. It made me feel better that someone cared enough to let us know that everything was going smoothly and that they would keep us posted until he was our of surgery.

Once they called to let us know that he was doing great, they told us that he was all set to see visitors. I was nervous and scared to see how he looked. Even when we got closer to his room, tears already started to pour down my face.

As a parent, you never want your children to go through surgery or be hooked up to anything. Seeing Liam for the first time out of surgery, was life changing. His chest wasn’t closed, they keep the chest open for a few days to make sure everything is working out fine before they close it. Every time I would go to see him, I asked that they covered his heart, just when I was in there. I don’t know why, but I felt uncomfortable.

As weeks went passed, they finally closed his chest and slowly started to take him off some medication and his breathing tube. We were finally able to hold our son again, after about 4 weeks from his surgery.

We thought that things were going great, he was able to leave the NICU and move over to what they called was ‘The Floor’, meaning that Liam still needed nurses, but not 24/7, like he did in the NICU. The doctors said that once he was able to start eating from a bottle or breast and a few other things, he would be able to go home.

Day 2, of being on ‘The Floor’, was the most horrible day of my life. The nurse had come in to give Liam his medicine and he was being fussy, so she suggested that I pick him up and rock him. All of a sudden, my worst nightmare had happen. He stopped breathing in my arms.

The nurse took him and pressed the code blue button, 7-8 other hospital staff rushed in to help, they took him back over the NICU. I followed them, shocked and frighted. My fiance rushed over to the hospital, they wouldn’t allow both parents to stay in the room together, so he had to stay at a place that was a mile away from the hospital.

My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t know what to do, they had a nurse stay with me until my fiance got there. All I could say was, ‘he stopped breathing in my arms.’

They did CPR on him for 45 minutes until they were able to get on bypass. They didn’t know what happened. They figured it was a blood clot that blocked blood from reaching his heart. The told us that they were going to try and take him off bypass slowly and hope for the best, but if he was still on it after a week, there was a good chance that Liam wouldn’t make it.

During the time he was on bypass, Liam had brain damage, from getting CPR for too long, kidneys and liver were starting to fail. We ended up sitting down with a few doctors and his surgeon. We also got our immediate family to come up, for the support. They said that once we can get him off bypass, that they would be able to determined if he would still have brain activity, but by the looks of what they were trying to read, he had little to none brain activity.

My fiance and I looked at each other and prayed that god wouldn’t take Liam from us. He did. On July 23rd, 2016 at 4 in the morning, our son had passed away. When they took him off bypass, he was doing fine, but slowly started to decline. My fiance, his mother, my mother and I, were with him when he passed. I held him until his heart stopped beating.

Everyone I knew, their baby got to come home in their car seat,  but Liam never even left the hospital. He didn’t come home in a car seat. He came home in a box. Every mother’s worst night mare.

It was really hard to write this, but I think it’s time that everyone knows that not every baby born in this world is perfectly normal. I rather tell people my experience than let every mother or soon-to-be mother think that everyone’s child is born healthy.

Because my son wasn’t born healthy. His heart disease was something that not even doctors know how it was caused. I’ve googled it thousands of times, no one know’s why HLHS happens or any congenital birth defect.

This year will be two years that Liam has been gone. I’ll never get to see him on his first birthday or see him walk or talk for the first time. He was two days shy of being a month old.

But there is one thing that I want to let everyone know. Whether your child was on this world for a day, month, or years, you can’t just get over it. People think that because Liam wasn’t even a month old, that I can just get over it.

To this day, I still cry about him, not as much as I first did, but I do still cry about him. I always will. He is my little Simba and I miss and love him so much.

On a happier note, Liam gave us a surprise from up above. We were blessed with our daughter, Isabella on October 25th 2017, our rainbow baby. I believe that he knew we were ready to be parents, as cheesy as it may sound, and gave us our healthy daughter.

Every year on his birthday, we release balloons, in honor of him. In honor of our heart warrior, our little Simba. Now, our Simba is looking down and watching over his little sister from up above.

Liam Michael (June 25th, 2016 – July 23rd, 2016)

Liam Michael
Our little heart warrior

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Is It Wrong For Parents To Express Themselves?

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Everything in the world today is changing. Especially how we raise our children. What about the parents who have tattoos? Or piercing? Or colored their hair? A lot of the other generations judge these parents who express themselves. Why is it that we can’t express ourselves as parents?

It’s not typically to see a mother with bright pink hair and tattoos. A lot of the older generations would say that its very immature to have tattoos and brightly colored hair and be a mother. Or they might say that’s what’s wrong with this generations upbringing.

I believe that parents who get piercings, tattoos, or dye their hair, they are showing their children that its okay to express yourself. So what those parents have tattoos that show. Who cares? They are expressing themselves.

I have always wanted to dye my hair a dark maroon color, ever since high school, but I was afraid to because I didn’t want anyone to thing that I was copying them. To this day, I still haven’t dyed my hair that color.

Not only that, I have always wanted to get a tattoo of my son. See, a lot of people think that tattoos are a waste, but there is always a meaning to each one. My fiance has a beautiful tattoo that was for our son.

As parents, we have a right to show our children that expressing ourselves is not wrong to do. We, as parents, want our child to express themselves like when we were younger. Never tell your child that they can’t express themselves.

I wanted to have my nosed pierced and more of my ears or dye my hair, but I never really was able to. I was more afraid to ask and get shot done.

Now, as an adult, I can do these things. I don’t care if my fiance and I walk down the street covered in tattoos and have dyed our hair or got more piercings. As long as our children have everything they need and bills are paid, there is nothing wrong spending some money on ourselves.

After all, we only live once.

So next time you see parents that have dyed hair, tattoos, and piercing, don’t judge them. They are just showing that expressing ourselves is completely okay to do.

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Mom Talk: Dealing With Being Frustrated

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As all parents know, we are bound to get frustrated with our kids, lifestyle, work, etc. How to deal with it, can be very difficult. Especially, when you are a stay-at-home mom. It’s even worse when you suffer from depression.

I get frustrated. I can admit that. A lot of people can’t.

I get frustrated over little things, that I can do nothing about. I get frustrated over the bigger things that I can’t fix. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do, until the time is right to fix something. Or in my case, money always frustrates me.

Sometimes I get very frustrated with my daughter. I get frustrated when she cries and there is nothing I can do to help her. Do I take it out on her? No. I put her in her crib, play pen, or anywhere where I know she won’t hurt herself. I then take a deep breathe, count to ten and then go back to my daughter and try to take care of her the best I can.

Another reason why I get very frustrated is that I haven’t felt comfortable to leave my daughter with anyone, yet. I bet you are all thinking or saying that I need a break. I do, but with my past history, it’s very hard to do.

Losing my son, is making it difficult to leave her with anyone. I feel that if I do, I am going to freak out, if she were to spend the night somewhere, or I would get that call that something is wrong. The only people that really understand what I am going through, are mother who have lost a baby.

My daughter is 7 months old and I am starting to realize that she just wants me, which frustrates me because I want to get stuff done in the house. I know it’s my fault, but it’s hard to let go. It’s like when your child goes in for their first day of preschool, its hard to watch them go.

Anyway, being frustrated doesn’t mean you are a bad parent, it means you need to take a step back and try different ways to relax your frustration. I’ve counted to 10, that has helped. Closing your eyes, working out, doing a hobby, or if you are in a pickle, closing your eyes and relaxing them to a second.

Meditation is what I’m going to try and get into because of the fact that I still don’t feel 100% comfortable to leave my daughter with anyone, yet.

If you are like me and can’t leave your child, for whatever reason, start with an hour. Leave your child with your spouse and see how you do. Try it out with different family family members and then slowly leave them for more that an hour or two.

When you know that baby is comfortable and you finally feel comfortable, then leave them with family for a night. You just have to get to, not only your comfort zone, but your child’s as well.

Another way to deal with frustration, is to talk to someone, someone you know that wouldn’t mind listening to whatever is frustrating you. Airing it out is a lot better than keeping it in. I know how hard it is to talk to someone, but you don’t want it to keep it all in.

Before it’s too late and then you end up screaming at someone.

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Mom Talk: The Aftermath Of Having Babies

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Babies given our life full of joy, over-tiredness, happiness, exhaustion, etc. We carried them for 9 months, experienced all of their movements and felt them grow inside us over time. No one really talks about what happens after birth, what happens to us mother after the baby is born.

I think that no one wants to see the aftermath of having a child because it’s not pretty. I’ve had natural births, so I don’t know if it is the same aftermath with a c-section. Forewarning you, some of this stuff that I will be talking about might be really gross for some of you, so if you don’t have a really strong stomach, I wouldn’t continue to read.

Once you get to the end of your pregnancy, you might be at that point where you just want your kid to come out. No joke. For me, that statement was 100% true. I loved being pregnant, but the further you get, the more uncomfortable it is. Especially if you were pregnant during the summer.

With my son, I was induced, due to his condition. Being induced was a bitch. It was a lot more painful vs. having your child naturally. My daughter wasn’t needed to be induced, thank god.

When you start to go through labor, from my view, its not bad until you hit that 6-7 cm. Then you kinda just want to grab your spouse and want to punch them in the nuts, but don’t really do that.

The pain and everything went away when I had my children in my arms, or once I saw them. Everyone things that it’s such a happy time, well, you are dead wrong. If you have your children naturally, be prepared to bleed for the next couple weeks.

That pregnancy glow you once had, has changed to a Walking Dead add on. To this day, my daughter is 7 months old, and I still look like a Walking Dead extra. Then again, pj’s are my best friend.

Your boobs hurt, if you are breastfeeding, I was only able to do it for a little bit, but to this day, they will always leak. Not to mention that it hurts to go to the bathroom, to me, I felt that I was in labor again after the first time. For that first month or two, you feel like shit. You feel even worst when baby blues or depression hits you at the same time.

It’s all worth it in the end, they tell you. Well, the one thing that isn’t worth it, and I still have this issue, peeing when you sneeze. You are stuck with that in the end too. Hell, I have to hold my sneeze unless I want to pee myself. At this point, you are better off wearing Depends now.

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With The Loss Of A Child

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As you all might know, or will find out, I lost my first born son, before he turned a month old. His birthday is next month and I wanted to talk to you about the loss of a child. Whether they were on this Earth for 5 years or two days, it still hurts the same.

June 25th, is coming soon, which is also my son’s birthday. He would have been two years old. As the month has been coming up, I haven’t been the same.

Last year, this time, I was working and was pregnant for my rainbow baby, my daughter. Work distracted me from the fact that I would celebrate his first birthday without him here. This year, he would have been two, and now that I am a stay-at-home mom, it has been really difficult.

You see, losing a child is very difficult to cope with, even at my age. I was 18, when I had him. I was 18, when we lost him. And because of losing him so soon, it made my fiance and I grow up a lot. What was the reason, you ask. Well, let me tell you.

When I was pregnant with my son, Liam, we found out he had a very serious disease, HLHS or Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Meaning the left side of his heart was underdeveloped. At first I never even hear the term, but after watching a lot of Grey’s, they talk about it all the time.

They don’t have enough research to explain why it happen, but it just did. ‘It was the way cells formed’, is what all the doctors would tell us. None of us wanted to believe that it was true, but the ultrasounds said otherwise. Once he was born, he was going to be going through a lot up until he turns about 3. Well, as you know, he didn’t make to 3. He didn’t even make it to his first birthday.

Everything went well, with his first surgery, but a blood clot stopped his heart and he just went downhill from there. Another reason why it’s even harder to deal with the lost of a child, is when you are holding them when their heart stopped, not just once, but twice.

That story is for another day, which I haven’t decided whether to post it or not.

He died on in my arms, I know a lot of people might think I’m crazy, but to me, I wanted him to know that he was going to heaven in the comfort of his parents arms.

One thing that a lot of people tell me is to get over it. I can’t just get over it. It’s not something you get over with, it takes time to cope with the fact that they are no longer with us. I though, I believe he is always watching from up above.

Please, if you know anyone who has ever lost a child, don’t ever tell them they need to ‘get over it’. You are a terrible person for even thinking that, just saying. If anything, we need to comfort those who have lost love ones.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Depression As A Mom

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A lot of people think that having a baby will bring you joy and happiness for your family. Which is does, but a lot of people don’t understand that there is a lot going on then just taking care of a baby.

I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. It’s been a long rocky-road for me. Sometimes, I just wish that I could just be happy, but having depression, makes you want to do nothing. Be nothing. You are always sad inside and no one will really know unless you talk to them about it.

When you have a baby, after the baby is born, some mom struggle with, what it is called, ‘baby blues’. It usually happens to a lot of moms within the first month of their baby being born. That’s why a lot of OBGYN’s ask you about ‘baby blues’, at your 6 week post-postpartum check up. They want to make sure that you and the baby are in good hands.

As a mom who has already lost a child and just had another one, it’s really difficult for me to watch my daughter grow because my son died when he was only a month old. It’s started to hit me a few days ago, that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of blogging going on.

Not just with the depression, stress and other issues are also on my mind. It makes it worse, especially when you have a little one that needs you every waking minute. There are days that I don’t want to get up, but my daughter gives me the kick that I need to get up and go on with my life.

It makes me sad that I can’t see my son reach the milestones that my daughter is, but she gives me a sense of hope. Just because I lost my son, I can’t get up on the fact that he’s gone. I always know that he will always watch over my daughter and any future children that I may have.

Before you say that a newly mother can’t be depressed, think about this. Have you ever had a child? Have you ever thought of the crying to never end? Have you ever go nuts, in your mind, because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

I give praises to newly mothers, especially ones that have babies or children with birth defects. I also want to praise all the mothers that try their best, when they think their best isn’t good enough.

You moms are doing amazing!

It’s good to hear a good thing or too. To me, it makes me feel inspired and more confident to shoot for the stars.

But the one thing that I always do, when I’m feeling depressed or down, I talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or my fiance. I talk to someone. I rather people know what’s going on, versus keeping it all locked inside. As much as I sometimes would rather not talk to anyone, I know that I should.

If you are a mom, who’s struggling with depression or ‘baby blues’, talk to someone or talk to your doctor, they can give you some medication that will make it easier for you to handle. As much as some people don’t like taking medications, I am one of those people, it does work.

I am always an open ear. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, go to my Contact page and send me a message. It’s better to open up to someone, rather than no one.

To all those moms, you keep doing what you are doing, better days are sure to come.

*If you really need help and need to talk to someone or a medical professionally, click on the link below. It gives a list of hotlines and explains depression in depth. The hotline is there and is completely anonymous.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Family Drama

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Drama is very difficult to avoid or stay away from. It’s its apart of our life, no matter what. Whether you are single or are in a relationship, drama is sure to find you.

Especially, if you are a parent and have children. However you decide how to raise your children, there will always be someone who talks behind you back about how much they really don’t like how you raise your children.

For me, I’ve got drama everywhere I look. In our house, if we have a problem, we sit down and deal with it and then move on. However, on both sides of our family, there are a few family members that haven’t really grown up yet, even with children.

Which, for me, I’ve grown up a lot, and I’m only 20. Losing my son, made me realize that I life is short and that we should make each day worth living for. It also made me realize that I’m too mature, even though sometimes I don’t act mature, that I don’t want to be around the drama.

I will admit that I am nosey, if it is about anyone else. Everyone can be nosey at some point in their life. You may or may not admit it, but it’s true.

What I am really getting at is that sometimes, the drama can children in the middle of it. I’m talking about when the adults get into an agruement and they ignore each other, preventing the children from bonding and creating a friendly relationship.

It makes me feel sad that cousins can’t have a good bond, like I do with my cousins, because one or the other parents have issues with a agruement.

I think that drama should be let back in high school. You either need to suck it up, buttercup. Or take you and the drama that follows, back to high school, where it belongs!

Families need to stick together through thick and thin. If you can’t get over an issue between your family members, think about your children and how it would effect them because the children should be the first thing that is thought about, not what issues you have with your family.

Unless, you are like me, and have that one person that did something really bad to you, that you don’t even want them to be in your or your childs life. Keep in mind, and I always have, it is your choice on who you want in your life and your childrens life.

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Mom Talk: Struggles With Weight Loss

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After you have a child, you still have the extra ‘baby fat’, as people would like to call it. But, for me, it’s completely different. I have struggled with weight loss for a very long time.

I’ve been considered ‘overweight’ ever since I was in middle school. I always got picked on and judged on how I looked that I never had any self esteem to get me motivated enough to really change.

I’ve been brought down by doctors, friends, and even some family, because of my weight. I’ve never really been motivate to find some exercise or a better diet that I feel comfortable changing or trying to do. I was one of those girls that would rather play video games than go outside.

High school, I grew to except it, but I wasn’t truly happy. I didn’t want to be thin like a toothpick. I wanted to lose the belly fat. The muffin top that made me feel like nothing would ever fit me because of it. I would change my clothes more than I could remember because I felt like I didn’t look good in them.

Until, I met my fiance. He made me fell like no matter what size I was, I was still beautiful. He helped me see past the muffin top. After having our daughter, I still have the muffin top. I’m a stay-at-home mom, it’s been difficult to do anything because I’m usually so tired in the morning and in the afternoon.

So I looked up what I could do to help me get rid of this muffin top, and keep it off, for good.

I looked up different exercises and challenges that I could try and I spotted the 30-Day Squat Challenge. I started it last Sunday, but I already notice a difference. My pants, that didn’t fit me, are slowly starting to fit me. I’m already starting to look a little smaller than I did.

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This is the Squat Challenge that I am doing. Just in case anyone is ready to make a change, just like I am.

I’m become proud of myself and excited that I’m finally doing, what took me years, to do. I want to feel what it’s like to be able to pick out clothes that actually fit, for once. I want people to notice me and not just my body size. I want to be able to love me for me.

I just started week 2 and I feel excited to do my squats every morning. I want to see if I can really finish this. I’m ready to make a change, a healthier change for not just my family, but for me.

 

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Mom Talk: When Do You Really Feel Ready For Another Child?

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I will always think of myself as a mom of two. Even thought, my son isn’t on this world, I always consider him, in anything. I hate having to explain to people why he isn’t here with us today.

After having our daughter, I thought that our family was complete. One boy and one girl. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, but its not like that. My fiance told me that he would like to have another child before our daughter turns two. He wants to try and hope that our next baby will be a boy.

To me, my daughter is all I really want, right now. But lately, I’ve started to change my mind. My daughter is growing up and it’s going by faster than I thought. She’s 6 months old and I already feel like her first birthday will be here before I know it.

Having another baby, will definitely keep me on my toes, but it would make our family whole again. Losing my son, I’m scared to have another baby because the next baby I have, might have the same thing my son did. Even thought it’s rare, I’ve talked to mothers who had it happen to them twice.

My fiance is basically ready to have another baby now, if I asked him. Me, I feel like I should wait until my daughter is a little older. Before you start thinking about having another baby, there are a lot of factors that you have to keep in mind.

  1. Finances: If you barely get by with having one child, a second one, might not be the best idea. You want to make sure you have the money to get the diapers, wipes, or even formula(if you are like me and can barely produce enough breast milk).
  2. Space: Right now, we are in a two bedroom trailer. Let’s face it, trailers are small and there is not a lot of room. Make sure that you have room for another baby because opposite genders can only stay in the same room until they are 4 or 5. If it’s the same gender, then you can just have your kids share a room.
  3. Daycare/Sitter: I’m lucky enough that my fiance and I don’t need to worry about daycare or a sitter, since I am a stay-at-home mom. Even if I was working, my fiance wouldn’t let me put any of our kids in daycare. Usually daycare is really pricey. Since I am a stay-at-home mom, I got offered to take care of another little girl come November. So, if you know someone that you can have watch your children, it would cost less than a daycare would.
  4. Emotionally: If you can handle the other one above, this one, is the most important. You have to be emotionally ready to have another baby. If you aren’t ready, you may just want to just take your time before you start trying. For me, it will always be a difficult time to prepare myself for another child, because of what I went through with my son.

If you ever think or feel that you aren’t ready, don’t feel pressured to do so. It’s not just your significant other’s choice, it’s also your choice. Talk to them and let them know that you aren’t ready for another one.

For me, I’m just dreading the conversation with my fiance, if and when he brings up when we should start trying, because I don’t want him to feel upset or hurt if I say ‘I’m not ready.’ My fiance is very understand and supported, he feels that he doesn’t want our daughter to be a only child. He wants them to have another sibling that they can go to high school together.

Always talk to your significant other, talking may not be the most fun thing to do, but it’s better to open up versus letting it all soak inside.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: How To Deal With Unwanted Advice

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As a mom, you will get told by everyone how to care for your child. From your family to doctors to strangers. Even before the baby’s born, you will be told how to even talk care of yourself.

With my first pregnancy, I wasn’t as vocal as I wanted to be. I’ve always been a quiet ‘keep to myself kinda person.’ So, when I became pregnant with my son, I hear about how you shouldn’t do formula or you should use a diaper genie, list goes on.

My daughter, it was completely different. I put my foot down to a lot of stuff. I’m still trying to make sure that peoples advice, doesn’t change the way I want to raise my kids. Plus, we as moms, get judged on everything.

To me, I will take the advice into consideration, but if it’s something that I, as a parent, will not do to parent my child, then I speak up. Sometimes, I can’t speak up to a family member because I’m afraid of hurting their feelings, but I have learned that when it comes to you parenting your kids, the only feeling that matters is your kids and yours.

There are three ways you can handle unwanted advise:

  1. Ignoring  it – This is what I usually do, if a stranger were to approach me with unwanted advise. I usually will nod my head. Sometimes, I do it with family, its easier to do, if you don’t want to make a big deal out or you know it will turn into a giant fight, this would be your best go to.
  2. Speaking up, in a polite way – If you are a person that voices your opinion, but don’t want to offend anyone. This would be more towards close friends, maybe family. Telling them in a polite way, will make it seem not as harsh as bluntly coming out and telling them what is what.
  3. Bluntly telling them straight up – I only go this far, if I’m frustrated. If I have had a bad day and didn’t have any coffee, I snap. I usually will only snap at family, because they have been in my shoes. Plus they understand that they would rather me snap at them versus my kids.

There is one thing that we always need to keep in mind. How we parent our kids, may not be the same as other, but we should respect how others parent. The world we live in, there are too many people judging before they know the full story, but when it comes to advise, we need to handle it as we feel comfortable.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Should You Smoke Around Your Children?

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Back in the day, we didn’t know how bad smoking cigarettes can be. Now, you don’t see any commercials promoting cigarettes or tobacco. Still to this day, people still smoke cigarettes.

Had I smoked a cigarette before. Yes, but I didn’t smoke enough for me to become addicted to them. My fiance smokes and last year, he almost went an entire year without smoking, but unfortunately, he got back into the nasty habit.

Smoking is a very difficult thing to quit, but one thing that drives me nuts is parents who smoke around babies or children. I believe that a baby or a child shouldn’t be anywhere never or around cigarettes.

Some of you may think that its okay, just because you grew up in a time your parents smoked around you. It’s not. Second hand smoke is even worst then just smoking a cigarette. It’s even worst for babies or children to inhale it.

Even when you are in another room or holding up the cigarette away from the child, they can still inhale the second hand smoke. Especially in a car. Rolling down the windows WILL NOT prevent the smoke from getting to the child.

As a mother, who had a child with a heart condition, it’s even more fatal. I’m one of those moms that will not go into a house or car if it smells like cigarette smoke. I was never around it and I want my kids to not be around it.

I especially don’t want to hear or see my kids pretending or wanting to smoke a cigarette. I will teach my children that cigarettes are bad and that you shouldn’t be like someone just because the smoke cigarettes.

I believe that my children should be able to breathe in fresh clean air versus second hand smoke. I’ve lost family because of cigarettes, I don’t want to risk my children’s life just because someone has to have a habit that they started.

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Mom Talk: Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

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A lot of moms don’t have the pleasure to stay home with their children nowadays. Back then, the man of the house would work, while the woman stay home and take care of the kids and make sure the house is clean.

It’s not for everyone, being a stay-at-home mom. If you are like me, and don’t have a license, then you are very limited to where you can go. (I’m working on getting it now.) The only places I can really walk to are to my mother-in-law.

It can be depressing or you can lose your mind at times, believe me, but I always get out of the house, once a week. Just so I don’t lose my mind. At times, I feel overwhelm, but I just take a deep breath and count to ten and then get back to what I’m doing.

I’ll admit that I really only have patience for my kids, but when I am around other people’s children, I really try to not lose my cool.

You might be saying that I am a terrible person for saying that, but I may not be the only one who thinks this way. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children. I just don’t like how other people raise theirs, but I don’t say anything. I keep it to myself.

Anyway, the best part of staying home, is that I get to spend all day and every day with my daughter. I don’t get to miss out on her firsts of everything. The best part, my fiance makes enough for us to do it. He busts his ass everyday to make sure that I am able to do it.

Of course that wasn’t my original plan. I had a job, and ended up getting pregnant with our daughter. I planned to go back to work, after my maternity leave, but once my daughter was born, all I could think of was that I didn’t want to miss out on her growing up.

Plus, I didn’t want someone else to raise my daughter. I wanted to be the one to witness all of her firsts. My mother missed out on watching all three of us growing up. I didn’t want to miss out on anything.

I do have to say though, being a stay-at-home mom, was the best decision I made. Once I get my license, the door will open up for me and my family. We won’t have to depend on someone to take us to where ever we want to go, but we will be able to decide whether we want to leave or go.