I watched my mother for years stay with my father. Even though I didn’t really understand what was going on, as I got older, I realized that my mom was only with my father for my siblings and me. You could see her put on that fake smile just to make sure that we kids didn’t know what was going on, but we knew.
I knew I was the oldest and watched my mom put on this front that everything was okay, but she was slowly digging herself down into a hole just to keep the presence of a ‘happy family’ alive for us.
Well, I ended up doing the same thing my mom did, but my story is different.
As you know, I have been with the same guy for a while and ended up having 2 beautiful children as well. However, over time, things started to change. I felt like I was putting up this front to pretend to be who I really was.
Every time I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see myself anymore. I felt different, and that can happen after having a child; you change completely just for your kid. Usually, with the right partner, it can be the happily ever after, but that’s not what was happening.
I’m not going to go into details about our breakup because the details are between my child’s father and me. Unfortunately, some of the people around us are very noisy and don’t understand as to why we broke up in the first place.
I realized about a year ago, if not more, that I wasn’t happy and that the only thing that kept me from leaving was our daughter. I felt like I had to stay with him because I didn’t want to ruin my daughter’s view of a ‘happy family’. Or I had to stay because that is what was the right thing to do, instead it made me realize that this was something I wasn’t just doing to myself, but to my daughter as well.
I was teaching her that it was okay to stay in an unhappy relationship.
Now, my daughter is 3, but the kids know, they sense it. I don’t know how, but they do. My daughter would give me a hard time knowing that she sensed something was up between Mommy and Daddy.
Kids aren’t stupid; they know what is going on, and that’s what made me realize I had to make a change, not just for me, but for my daughter. I didn’t want her to group up and watch her follow in the same footsteps that I ended up walking in.
So, I made a change for 2021.
This year, I’m focusing on getting myself to a better place. Getting back to the real me, the one that I used to love and used to not give a shit about whatever I do. The me that I haven’t been able to embrace for a long time.
So, don’t stay because you have a family, you should want to stay with your spouse because they are not only the love of your life, but you both make a great team together and are the best of friends.
Don’t just put up with it because you have the family. You have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you in return. Embrace your inner weirdo!
As for me, I’m taking it one step at a time and one day at a time. You never know what the future can hold, but I plan on being or trying to be positive for
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