Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Self Healing

Hey Dearies, I know it has been off and on blog posts lately and with everything that has happened in my personal life, I’ve been very lost and overwhelmed. It’s especially hard when this year marks 5 years that my son has been gone.

Which is why I wanted to take a moment to let you all know what I have been doing or trying to do to get myself in a better place where I need to be.

First thing first, I wanted to give everyone a thought to keep in mind because it can be difficult to actually accept it, trust me, it took me a while to realize that in order to be happy, you have to take the time to not only love yourself, but taking the extra time to spend time with yourself.

A lot of people, when they leave a relationship, most of them are quick to jump into another one because they think that having someone is what makes you happy, which if you believe that, all power to you.

I believe that happiness comes from within and it isn’t something you find in a person. Yes, you can be happy with someone, but that person can’t be the only reason that makes you happy. Being happy in a relationship and being happy as yourself are two different things.

So, since I left my daughter’s father, I’ve been trying my best to work on things, such as trying to figure out what in my life that I wanted to change and fix. One of the things that I wanted to start doing was to learn how to love myself.

How to truly love yourself?

Loving yourself can be a lot harder said than done because we are all human and we like to point out the flaws in ourselves so that we can fix them. The one thing that a lot of people have trouble with learning to love about themselves is there appearance.

I for one have had a very difficult time learning to love myself. Even growing up, I was very unhappy with my body. I would tell myself I was too fat. I would look at the smaller girls and wish to be that size so that I would be confident in myself more.

Now, as an adult, I still struggle because I’ve always been “fat” and even though I have started to lose some of the weight that I have been trying to get rid of, I still look at myself in the mirror and see myself as fat.

So, what is something I have been doing to change this?

Well, I’ll be honest, the one thing that I think has been helping me with the weight lost, is that I have been drinking more water, watching how much I eat and what I eat, and trying to do some type of exercise, whether it is yoga or walking.

I didn’t realize how small I was until about a week ago when my co-workers noticed how much weight I have lost since I first started working there. When I did, I felt proud of myself. I felt comfortable, well almost, in my own skin. I even felt confident enough to take a picture of myself in just my undergarments because I actually felt confident.

After having kids, you tend to pack on or keep some of the weight and it can be difficult to get rid of. Now that I’ve seen the change, I have motivation to do more, exercise and working out because I want to stay healthy, but I want to actually stay that size.

Do I truly love myself? I would say almost, well for me. Like I’ve said before, change isn’t something that will happen overnight.

Hobbies: Making extra “me” time

As you all know, I love to crochet and don’t get me wrong, it is one of my favorite hobbies, but depending on what projects I have going on, it’s not something I can do all the time. I also have to be in the mood to crochet as well.

Crocheting isn’t just my only hobby, but it is my go to for sure. My other hobbies that I do from time to time are knitting, writing, painting, and reading. Sometimes I have time for them, other’s I have to make the time.

It’s okay to have more than one hobby too. I even have hobbies that I want to try, but haven’t had the time to start, such as resin molds. I watch a lot of those videos and it looks like fun to try, same with candle and soap making! Trying new things is good thing and it can open doors to meet others with the same passion.

Daily Habits: What to try?

I wanted to bring up daily habits because I have been struggling to attempt to do them. One of the daily habits that I really need to get back into is mediation. I found that doing mediation after work or even early in the morning, kind of refreshes my brain and clears my head of all the thoughts running around.

I want to start doing in once in the morning and once at night, but being a mom, it can be tricky to figure out the best schedule to do so.

Another habit that I have been trying to stay on top of, is journaling more. I love writing and I have found that journaling, whether it is typing or handwriting, putting my emotions and thoughts down, can make it easier for you to figure out the best way to handle it or at least make you not so worried.

They say that if you do something for more that 30-60 days, the habit will be like second nature for you. Which is why I’ve been looking for apps to help me out with staying on task, but I haven’t found one that I like, yet.

Get out of the house more!

Another thing that I’m trying to work on, is being more out of the house. Whether it is to go to work, hang out with friend, or even go to the store. Getting out of the house, is a good thing. Yes, I am one of those that would rather stay home than go somewhere, but I’m learning to be more open about going out and spending time with friends or myself.

I don’t have very many friends, so I’m working on making some and going out more with them because everyone needs to have a social life. Yeah, we all have social media, but it’s more fun to spend time with people in person.

Even if you have a date, get dressed up and make yourself feel pretty and just enjoy life! Life is short and realizing that I haven’t done much since my son passed away, I want to learn to enjoy life more.

Currently, I’m iffy about the whole “dating scene”. Which is okay. A lot of people have asked me, “are you going to start dating again?” and to be honest, I really don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready. I even pushed myself to get on a dating app and I ended up deleting it an hour later.

Don’t rush into anything, if you aren’t ready.

In the future, if I feel comfortable and ready, then yes, I might start dating again, but I think I want a chance to be single and enjoy putting myself first. I will admit, I do miss the comfort of having someone to talk to and cuddle with, but love will come to be when I don’t expect it to.


There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and making sure that you are happy, both mentally and physically. As parents, we put our kids first and forget about our well being and making sure we are okay.

Take the time to put yourself first because in the end, we are all human and we just need to take it day by day.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Breakup Aftermath

Hey Dearies! I know it has been awhile, but lately I have been in a weird funk and I haven’t been in the right mind to really write lately, but after a few events, I really want to keep you all posted on what has been going on in my life lately.

As you all know, I left my daughter’s father and I guess a lot of people were very ‘shocked’ by it, but others weren’t. Long story short, I became very depressed being a stay at home mom last year and with my family far away, it was very difficult for me to handle. I don’t think my father’s daughter really understood what was going on and just thought it was something that I would just get out of.

Anyway, I left at the beginning of the year and his family was more shocked than everyone else that was around us, such as my family. My father daughter ‘didn’t see it coming’, but what he didn’t know, the signs were all there.

I was losing who I was and I wanted someone who wanted to grow with me.

As a mom, it’s hard to do something like this because we put the blame on us that we couldn’t try harder to keep your family together or we think back on what we could of done differently. Sadly, a relationship works both ways, two people have to both put the effort into a relationship, that wasn’t happening in my situation.

I had a very difficult time leaving, just like other moms, including my own, when they wanted to leave their relationship. It’s not easy, but it’s better for the parents to both be happy, whether they are together or not.

Sometimes, you have a break down and realized that you want to fix things, that happened to me a few weeks after I broke up with him. See, let me explain something that most moms like me would understand.

I wanted him to prove that he wanted me, that I was still someone he wanted to be with and spend the rest of our lives together, but the one thing that broke my heart more, he let me walk out the door and didn’t chase me or stop me.

You see, when you are in love with someone, you don’t want them to ever leave your side. That’s your person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Well, it broke my heart that he chase after me. Even though I left to take care of me, I wanted him to chase me and show me how much he cared for me.

Instead, he didn’t and it crushed me.

We did try to make things work and I gave him questions to answer, which he did. Some of the answers I was impressed, others not so much, but I’m not going to share that with anyone because of the fact that it was between him and I.

He wanted to start fresh, clean slate and work on things, but when I suggested therapy, he wasn’t for it at all. Which isn’t just him, a lot of people doesn’t think it helps when it really can, if you actually let it.

As you can guess, that didn’t happen and I had some time to think about everything. Why I left, what would happen if I went back, would I still be unhappy, the same questions I asked before leaving him. Instead, I made the choice that we should co-parent and be peaceful for our daughter’s sake.

We both agreed that this would be what is best for our daughter, which in a way shocked me because for someone that wanted to work on things, he was really okay with just co-parenting. Which was fine, however, something recent happened that really put me in this weird place.

Before I explained what happened, this upcoming month, our son would’ve been 5 years old and this was going to be the first time that we were going to celebrate it not being together as a couple. This year was going to be even harder because this is the 5 year mark that he has been gone.

I’ll be honest, this has been the hardest year for me to endure. I’ve been trying to be strong for my daughter’s sake, but it’s harder said that done.

Anyway, I was scrolling on social media and I saw something that made my heart fall into my stomach. Another female tagged him in something that was like a ‘cute post’, you know the ones that people do when they are getting to know each other or when they are dating.

I was hurt. I was broken. I was crushed. Most of all, I was angry.

I know what most of you are thinking, “you left him”, “he’s single”. Which you are all right, I shouldn’t make a bigger deal that it should be and I’m not trying to, but it’s hard to not let things like this bug you, especially since this was about 3 weeks after we decided to co-parent.

When you truly love someone, you can’t move on as quickly as you think you can. Everyone is different, but if you really truly love someone, you wouldn’t move on as quick as you could. Healing from a break-up takes time, but everyone is different.

I just thought after 6 years together and 2 kids, I thought I meant more to him than I thought. I feel like he is trying to replace me.

That’s what hurt me the most.

I looked back at all the memories that we made, the good, the bad and all I could think of was it all a lie? Did I not mean anything to him? Am I that easy for people to replace?

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, my ex before my daughter’s father did the same exact thing. So, to have it happen again, but with someone that you have kids with, all I could think of what is wrong with me?

Is it how I look? Did I not mean anything to him to begin with? What he using me? Did he just dealt with me until I left? Did he want me to leave him? Did he even care? Did he really love me?

All those questions are still running around in my head and I don’t know why. Situations like this either should people’s true colors or makes you wonder if you were the problem. I give so much for others, I’ve always done that. Put other’s before myself and people take advantage of me for that.

So, now, I’m trying my best to pretend like it doesn’t bother me and try to take it one day at a time. All I can do now is be the best mother in the world to my daughter. That’s all I can be.


I know this isn’t a happy post, but I just had to get this all out and don’t worry, I’m going to try my best to come back and start doing my blog again, but with these next 2 months are going to be the hardest, so I may or may not be posting anything for a little bit.