Posted in Unclear

Unclear – The Father Is? (Chapter 9)

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Good morning, guys! Here is another chapter of Unclear for you! Now, I won’t be on at all today because it is my son’s birthday and it is a very difficult day for me and my family. I have this scheduled to appear for today. Anyway, I did actually Google if you can get a paternity test while pregnant, which you can, its just really dangerous, or Google was wrong and now I just sound dumb. I think I just wanted to let you readers know who it is so that we can move on from this ‘love triangle’ we have going on. Enjoy!

If you haven’t read Chapter 8, here is the link!
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/22/my-writing-unclear-it-was-me-chapter-8/

~The Father Is?~

Jade’s P.O.V.
A week later, I was finally called into the doctors office. They had finished the DNA testing to see who the father was. I told Tanner that I wanted to go by myself and that I would tell him when I left the doctors office.
I sat in the waiting room, waiting. Why the hell is it taking so damn long? I honestly thought that they were going to send it in the mail, but I guess not.
“Jade Roy?” A nurse finally came out and called my name. I got up and followed her to my doctor’s office. My doctor was sitting at his office chair, with my file on hand. I sat down in one of the two chairs that sat in front of his desk. The nurse then closed the door.
“How are you feeling, Jade?” Doctor Locke asked.
“Fine.” I answered. I just wanted to know who the father was. “Why didn’t you just send me the results?”
“Well, I thought that it would be better if you got the results in person.” Doctor Locke then pulled out the paper and handed it to me. “Mr. James Miles had a lot of drugs in his system that we couldn’t really get a good test from. However, Mr. Tanner Homes DNA showed that he is in fact the father of your child.”
I looked down at the paper. He was right. Tanner is the father. I couldn’t believe it.
“Wait, why does it say that for James?” I asked because on the paper, next to his name, it said that it wasn’t possible for him to ever have kids. “Why did you test them both to see if they were able to have children or not?”
“Well, you see. We needed to find out first if Mr. Miles and Mr. Homes could have kids. Mr. Homes could, but unfortunately Mr. Miles can not.” he explained, but I still didn’t understand. “We do this with every paternity test and if they are able to have children, then we take their blood and test it.”
“Well, thanks anyway, Locke.” I said as I got up and went over to the door. I then looked back at him. “Wait.” He said as he stood up from his seat. “Be careful, he’s coming for you.”
I knew who he was talking about because Mr. Locke was my doctor when they did the rape kit for me. I just wanted to forget all about it, but I can’t. I need to find a place of my own and soon. Otherwise, he’ll threaten Kayla and little Ricky. First things first, I need to tell Tanner that he is the father.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tanner’s P.O.V.
I ended up going to see James, he said he had the money he owed me. I just hope that this time, he wasn’t going to give me cocaine as a payment, again. I don’t do that because my best friend, Thomas, died from cocaine. That’s why I only grow and sell pot. I do smoke it, but since I found out that I might be a father, I’ve stopped. I’ve just been selling. Jade knows because she used to smoke too.
I knocked on James’ door and then walked in. I saw him on the couch, fucking some girl. I then looked at him and he knew that I was going to let him finish first. I just hope that Jade doesn’t come over while he’s doing that.
I sat down at the island in the kitchen and waited. I then heard the moans come to a stop and then James walked in with just sweatpants on. He then opened the fridge and grabbed a beer.
“You got my money?” I asked. He better because most of the money I’ve been making, I’ve put away in the bank for the baby, just in case it’s mine. “Who’s that in the living room?”
“Yeah, I got it.” He said as he reached in his pockets and pulled out $300 dollars. “Here. There’s a little extra for maybe a bag.”
“Yeah, I guess, but none of this I.O.U crap,  I’m not letting you have a tab anymore. From now on, you’ll pay me in cash and only cash.” I said as I took the money and counted $300 exactly. Then the girl that James was having fun with, came in with his tee shirt on and underwear.
“I got it, man. ” James said, taking another sip of beer. “And this is Becky, my girlfriend.” He hugged her and gave her a kiss on the check. She smiled and then went back out to the living room.
“You haven’t told Jade?” I asked.
“No, and she don’t need to know.” He then grabbed a bottle of Gin and started drinking it straight up. He should’ve told her. Before you know it, she is going to find out the hard way. “She never cared, so why should I? And besides, I can’t have kids so the baby is gonna be yours.”
“You can’t have kids? Who told you that?” I was surprised.
“Jade’s doctor. He said that the reason why I didn’t have to do blood work is because I can never have kids. Which is fine with me, I can always adopt a China baby.” He started laughing and laughing. “Jade’s better off with you than me. Just look at me. I’m a mess and you have you’re not. Can I have more pot or what?”
“Here.” I gave him a bag of pot and left.
As I got into my truck, Jade was calling me. As soon as I closed my truck door I answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey, so I found out.”
“Yeah? Is it mine or James.” I had a feeling that I already knew it was mine, but then again, James was drunk and doesn’t know what he was saying half the time.
“It’s yours. James’ can’t have children.” Once she said those words, the biggest smile came on my face. “I also have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you think that it would be a good idea if we were to live together? For the baby’s sake.” Really? I mean, I was going to ask, but I thought that it might be too soon, I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
“Yeah, if you want to. I’m all for it. Do you want me to come over and we can start looking for a place?” I asked.
“Yeah, meet me at my house in 10?”
“I’ll be there.”
“I’ll be waiting. Oh, and one more thing.”
“Yes?”
“I’m really glad that the baby is yours.” And then she hung up.
I couldn’t believe that I am going to be a father. I really can’t believe it. I was so happy that I ended up beating her home. I sat in my truck and waited for Jade to get out of her car.
“I promise, little one, that I will always be there for you. Always and forever.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marie’s P.O.V.
“LET ME OUT YOU CRAZY BITCH!” Lucas said as he was banging on the bars and trying to open them, but there was no point.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch.” I said as I was looking into the mirror. Trying to see if there was another way for me to break this curse. Then it hit me. Why don’t I use Lucas to create my child? I then looked over at him, he was pissed. “Now, I have a question for you.”
“What now? First you promised me that I would get Jade, then told me she killed my baby, and then locked me up because she’s pregnant with some fags baby??” He said. “What more do you want from me?”
“I need you. I have a deal that I want to make with you.” I said, walking back to my spell book. “Since, she killed your baby and broke your heart. I can make you forget her.”
“Here it comes.” He said crossing his arms.
“But, I need to have a child, otherwise I will die. So, what I was thinking…” I paused and then looked up at him. “I make you fall deeply in love with me that you’ll forget her. Then we can run off together. One big happy family.”
“You think that anyone would ever fall in love with a freak like you? Ha!” He started laughing and that pissed me off more. I then came to the cage and grabbed his throat. Lifted him off his feet and then started to choke him.
“Unfortunately, you don’t have a choice. You are going to fall in love with me and you will forget all about Jade. Then we are going to have a child. Got it?” I then left go of his neck and he fell to the ground. “Oh, and if you wanted a son or daughter, I can make that happen, as well. Or we can just have both.”
I than walked over to my spell book and read over how I was going to make him forget about her. All I need is a piece of her hair, which I already had, and a piece of his hair. I walked back over and plunked a hair from his head.
“Now, while you are recovering from the chokehold that I just gave you, I will be creating this love potion that you will drink.” I said as I started to go down the stairs. “Oh, one more thing. You can scream as loud as you want, but no one will hear you .” I grinned and started to laugh.

Next chapter will be out on Friday and it won’t be scheduled, like today’s was. Thank you guys for reading and as always, if you can’t wait for the next chapter, you can always read my book Unclear on Wattpad. Just look up katieasehl or Unclear and you will find all the books that I have written or currently working on. 

Chapter 10: 5 Months
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/29/my-writing-unclear-5-months-chapter-10/

Posted in Mom Talk

My Little Heart Warrior

**WARNING**

*This is a very true story. Tissues might be needed. It was difficult to write this, but it is something that helps me express what had happen with my son and his short journey. Please, just take caution when reading.*

There are a lot of ‘Mom Blogs’ out in the web. Some talk about how to take care of a child or their experiences with their child’s first achievements in life. But I haven’t seen very many that talk about the experience of having a child with a heart disease. Let’s just say that it’s very much an emotional rollar coaster.

Well, that’s what it was for me. My son was diagnosed with HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) when I was 22 weeks pregnant with him. Basically, HLHS is when the left side of their heart is either underdeveloped or never formed. Once he was born, he would have to go into surgery within the first week of life.

Altogether, he would have to go through 3 major surgeries with in the first 3 years of his life. Now, I was 18 when I was pregnant with my son, Liam. Image being me at 18, and being told that there was a very big change that he wouldn’t make it. Liam’s everyday life would be either life or death.

The happy family that my fiance and I imaged had changed. We didn’t know if he would make it to his first birthday. We had so many unanswered questions. Would he be able to play sports when he gets older? Would he need a heart transplant in the future if his starts to fail? Or the big question that we wanted to know: Would he ever make it home from the hospital?

Because of how serious his disease was, we weren’t able to have him, in our state. We were recommended to go down to Boston Children’s Hospital. We were told that they deal with congenital heart defects everyday. It made me and our family feel a lot better about having Liam there.

Once Liam was born, he was the most beautiful baby boy that I ever laid eyes on. You couldn’t see that there was anything wrong with him, but on the inside, there was a struggling heart that we would of never noticed.

As soon as I hear him cry, I started to cry myself. They cleaned him up and gave him medicine, to keep the values from closing. We could only hold him for a minute before they took him up to where he needed to be.

I finally got to hold him longer, later that day. I wanted to keep holding him because I knew that once he had his surgery, it would be a very long time until we were able to hold him again. They planned for his first surgery to be on June 27th, 2016, 3 days after his birth.

My fiance and I spent the entire day with him, holding him, getting as much closeness as we could. Until, the morning of his surgery came. We walked down with him, until we got to the point we weren’t able to go past. We both kissed his and held his little fingers. Praying that god would watch over our little boy.

During that day, we got out of the hospital, trying to get our minds off of the fact that they were doing surgery on our son. I wanted to wait all day, but my fiance and I agreed it would be best to go out and get some fresh air. We got frequent updates, while Liam was in surgery. It made me feel better that someone cared enough to let us know that everything was going smoothly and that they would keep us posted until he was our of surgery.

Once they called to let us know that he was doing great, they told us that he was all set to see visitors. I was nervous and scared to see how he looked. Even when we got closer to his room, tears already started to pour down my face.

As a parent, you never want your children to go through surgery or be hooked up to anything. Seeing Liam for the first time out of surgery, was life changing. His chest wasn’t closed, they keep the chest open for a few days to make sure everything is working out fine before they close it. Every time I would go to see him, I asked that they covered his heart, just when I was in there. I don’t know why, but I felt uncomfortable.

As weeks went passed, they finally closed his chest and slowly started to take him off some medication and his breathing tube. We were finally able to hold our son again, after about 4 weeks from his surgery.

We thought that things were going great, he was able to leave the NICU and move over to what they called was ‘The Floor’, meaning that Liam still needed nurses, but not 24/7, like he did in the NICU. The doctors said that once he was able to start eating from a bottle or breast and a few other things, he would be able to go home.

Day 2, of being on ‘The Floor’, was the most horrible day of my life. The nurse had come in to give Liam his medicine and he was being fussy, so she suggested that I pick him up and rock him. All of a sudden, my worst nightmare had happen. He stopped breathing in my arms.

The nurse took him and pressed the code blue button, 7-8 other hospital staff rushed in to help, they took him back over the NICU. I followed them, shocked and frighted. My fiance rushed over to the hospital, they wouldn’t allow both parents to stay in the room together, so he had to stay at a place that was a mile away from the hospital.

My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t know what to do, they had a nurse stay with me until my fiance got there. All I could say was, ‘he stopped breathing in my arms.’

They did CPR on him for 45 minutes until they were able to get on bypass. They didn’t know what happened. They figured it was a blood clot that blocked blood from reaching his heart. The told us that they were going to try and take him off bypass slowly and hope for the best, but if he was still on it after a week, there was a good chance that Liam wouldn’t make it.

During the time he was on bypass, Liam had brain damage, from getting CPR for too long, kidneys and liver were starting to fail. We ended up sitting down with a few doctors and his surgeon. We also got our immediate family to come up, for the support. They said that once we can get him off bypass, that they would be able to determined if he would still have brain activity, but by the looks of what they were trying to read, he had little to none brain activity.

My fiance and I looked at each other and prayed that god wouldn’t take Liam from us. He did. On July 23rd, 2016 at 4 in the morning, our son had passed away. When they took him off bypass, he was doing fine, but slowly started to decline. My fiance, his mother, my mother and I, were with him when he passed. I held him until his heart stopped beating.

Everyone I knew, their baby got to come home in their car seat,  but Liam never even left the hospital. He didn’t come home in a car seat. He came home in a box. Every mother’s worst night mare.

It was really hard to write this, but I think it’s time that everyone knows that not every baby born in this world is perfectly normal. I rather tell people my experience than let every mother or soon-to-be mother think that everyone’s child is born healthy.

Because my son wasn’t born healthy. His heart disease was something that not even doctors know how it was caused. I’ve googled it thousands of times, no one know’s why HLHS happens or any congenital birth defect.

This year will be two years that Liam has been gone. I’ll never get to see him on his first birthday or see him walk or talk for the first time. He was two days shy of being a month old.

But there is one thing that I want to let everyone know. Whether your child was on this world for a day, month, or years, you can’t just get over it. People think that because Liam wasn’t even a month old, that I can just get over it.

To this day, I still cry about him, not as much as I first did, but I do still cry about him. I always will. He is my little Simba and I miss and love him so much.

On a happier note, Liam gave us a surprise from up above. We were blessed with our daughter, Isabella on October 25th 2017, our rainbow baby. I believe that he knew we were ready to be parents, as cheesy as it may sound, and gave us our healthy daughter.

Every year on his birthday, we release balloons, in honor of him. In honor of our heart warrior, our little Simba. Now, our Simba is looking down and watching over his little sister from up above.

Liam Michael (June 25th, 2016 – July 23rd, 2016)

Liam Michael
Our little heart warrior