Month: May 2018

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: The Aftermath Of Having Babies

Posted on by Katie Night

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Babies given our life full of joy, over-tiredness, happiness, exhaustion, etc. We carried them for 9 months, experienced all of their movements and felt them grow inside us over time. No one really talks about what happens after birth, what happens to us mother after the baby is born.

I think that no one wants to see the aftermath of having a child because it’s not pretty. I’ve had natural births, so I don’t know if it is the same aftermath with a c-section. Forewarning you, some of this stuff that I will be talking about might be really gross for some of you, so if you don’t have a really strong stomach, I wouldn’t continue to read.

Once you get to the end of your pregnancy, you might be at that point where you just want your kid to come out. No joke. For me, that statement was 100% true. I loved being pregnant, but the further you get, the more uncomfortable it is. Especially if you were pregnant during the summer.

With my son, I was induced, due to his condition. Being induced was a bitch. It was a lot more painful vs. having your child naturally. My daughter wasn’t needed to be induced, thank god.

When you start to go through labor, from my view, its not bad until you hit that 6-7 cm. Then you kinda just want to grab your spouse and want to punch them in the nuts, but don’t really do that.

The pain and everything went away when I had my children in my arms, or once I saw them. Everyone things that it’s such a happy time, well, you are dead wrong. If you have your children naturally, be prepared to bleed for the next couple weeks.

That pregnancy glow you once had, has changed to a Walking Dead add on. To this day, my daughter is 7 months old, and I still look like a Walking Dead extra. Then again, pj’s are my best friend.

Your boobs hurt, if you are breastfeeding, I was only able to do it for a little bit, but to this day, they will always leak. Not to mention that it hurts to go to the bathroom, to me, I felt that I was in labor again after the first time. For that first month or two, you feel like shit. You feel even worst when baby blues or depression hits you at the same time.

It’s all worth it in the end, they tell you. Well, the one thing that isn’t worth it, and I still have this issue, peeing when you sneeze. You are stuck with that in the end too. Hell, I have to hold my sneeze unless I want to pee myself. At this point, you are better off wearing Depends now.

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With The Loss Of A Child

Posted on by Katie Night

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As you all might know, or will find out, I lost my first born son, before he turned a month old. His birthday is next month and I wanted to talk to you about the loss of a child. Whether they were on this Earth for 5 years or two days, it still hurts the same.

June 25th, is coming soon, which is also my son’s birthday. He would have been two years old. As the month has been coming up, I haven’t been the same.

Last year, this time, I was working and was pregnant for my rainbow baby, my daughter. Work distracted me from the fact that I would celebrate his first birthday without him here. This year, he would have been two, and now that I am a stay-at-home mom, it has been really difficult.

You see, losing a child is very difficult to cope with, even at my age. I was 18, when I had him. I was 18, when we lost him. And because of losing him so soon, it made my fiance and I grow up a lot. What was the reason, you ask. Well, let me tell you.

When I was pregnant with my son, Liam, we found out he had a very serious disease, HLHS or Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Meaning the left side of his heart was underdeveloped. At first I never even hear the term, but after watching a lot of Grey’s, they talk about it all the time.

They don’t have enough research to explain why it happen, but it just did. ‘It was the way cells formed’, is what all the doctors would tell us. None of us wanted to believe that it was true, but the ultrasounds said otherwise. Once he was born, he was going to be going through a lot up until he turns about 3. Well, as you know, he didn’t make to 3. He didn’t even make it to his first birthday.

Everything went well, with his first surgery, but a blood clot stopped his heart and he just went downhill from there. Another reason why it’s even harder to deal with the lost of a child, is when you are holding them when their heart stopped, not just once, but twice.

That story is for another day, which I haven’t decided whether to post it or not.

He died on in my arms, I know a lot of people might think I’m crazy, but to me, I wanted him to know that he was going to heaven in the comfort of his parents arms.

One thing that a lot of people tell me is to get over it. I can’t just get over it. It’s not something you get over with, it takes time to cope with the fact that they are no longer with us. I though, I believe he is always watching from up above.

Please, if you know anyone who has ever lost a child, don’t ever tell them they need to ‘get over it’. You are a terrible person for even thinking that, just saying. If anything, we need to comfort those who have lost love ones.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Depression As A Mom

Posted on by Katie Night

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A lot of people think that having a baby will bring you joy and happiness for your family. Which is does, but a lot of people don’t understand that there is a lot going on then just taking care of a baby.

I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. It’s been a long rocky-road for me. Sometimes, I just wish that I could just be happy, but having depression, makes you want to do nothing. Be nothing. You are always sad inside and no one will really know unless you talk to them about it.

When you have a baby, after the baby is born, some mom struggle with, what it is called, ‘baby blues’. It usually happens to a lot of moms within the first month of their baby being born. That’s why a lot of OBGYN’s ask you about ‘baby blues’, at your 6 week post-postpartum check up. They want to make sure that you and the baby are in good hands.

As a mom who has already lost a child and just had another one, it’s really difficult for me to watch my daughter grow because my son died when he was only a month old. It’s started to hit me a few days ago, that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of blogging going on.

Not just with the depression, stress and other issues are also on my mind. It makes it worse, especially when you have a little one that needs you every waking minute. There are days that I don’t want to get up, but my daughter gives me the kick that I need to get up and go on with my life.

It makes me sad that I can’t see my son reach the milestones that my daughter is, but she gives me a sense of hope. Just because I lost my son, I can’t get up on the fact that he’s gone. I always know that he will always watch over my daughter and any future children that I may have.

Before you say that a newly mother can’t be depressed, think about this. Have you ever had a child? Have you ever thought of the crying to never end? Have you ever go nuts, in your mind, because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

I give praises to newly mothers, especially ones that have babies or children with birth defects. I also want to praise all the mothers that try their best, when they think their best isn’t good enough.

You moms are doing amazing!

It’s good to hear a good thing or too. To me, it makes me feel inspired and more confident to shoot for the stars.

But the one thing that I always do, when I’m feeling depressed or down, I talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or my fiance. I talk to someone. I rather people know what’s going on, versus keeping it all locked inside. As much as I sometimes would rather not talk to anyone, I know that I should.

If you are a mom, who’s struggling with depression or ‘baby blues’, talk to someone or talk to your doctor, they can give you some medication that will make it easier for you to handle. As much as some people don’t like taking medications, I am one of those people, it does work.

I am always an open ear. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, go to my Contact page and send me a message. It’s better to open up to someone, rather than no one.

To all those moms, you keep doing what you are doing, better days are sure to come.

*If you really need help and need to talk to someone or a medical professionally, click on the link below. It gives a list of hotlines and explains depression in depth. The hotline is there and is completely anonymous.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/

Posted in Mom Talk

How to Deal With Family Drama (Mom Talk)

Posted on by Katie Night

Whenever I hear the term “drama”, it immediately makes me think of high school. I honestly thought that drama would be out of my life for good after I graduated high school, boy was I wrong.

There is drama almost everywhere you look. Whether its at work, social media, or family, its bound to happen at some point. The best kind of drama is when its not happening to you. However, it is very difficult to avoid or stay away from since not everyone is going to agree with you.

Family drama can cause issues and damage, depending what the issue is at hand, it might cause some to avoid or even go low contact with other family members. Like for example, I don’t talk to my father, he did a lot of bad stuff in the past that I don’t want my children around him at all. It was a decision I made for my children and myself.

Because of this, it has caused issues for other family members, which I don’t care anymore. Some people think I should forgive him and others agree with my decision and respect me more that I don’t want my children around toxic people like that.

As a parent, you’ll always have to deal with drama, whether it’s family or in-laws. You tend to deal with more if you are co-parenting. The best advise for that drama is to remain civil the best you can. I think of it as getting along for my daughter’s sake since I would rather get along versus have my daughter stress over her parents fighting.

A lot of people, like myself, will tend to not say what’s on my mind, especially to people I know can get very emotional and take to heart. I don’t do it because I have no back bone, I do it because it keeps the peace and its not something I have to stress about it.

Over time, I’ve realized that I am a recovering people pleaser which I’m trying my best to stop doing that. Its hard, especially if you are like me and want to make sure everyone gets along. (You can tell that I’m a Libra!)

Here are the top suggestions for trying to avoid the unwanted family drama:

  1. Set Clear Boundaries – I have struggled with this one, a lot. Looking back, I wish I was more clear on what my boundaries were when it came to A LOT of things, but the past is in the past. Setting boundaries lets the other party know that this is the line and don’t go past it, but in a kind way.
  2. COMMUNICATE – Communicate is key to any relationship! Whether it’s family, your co-parent, friends, neighbors, etc. You need to communicate directly. In a nice way, or in a way that can help you get the other party to understand.
  3. Don’t Gossip – I know this is hard for ANYONE to do, especially when its family. When its family, its kinda hard NOT to gossip because if you don’t hear about it at all, you’ll find out or hear others gossiping about it at the family reunion or holidays. Not gossiping can help with the spread of miscommunicate. Which can have a snowball effect on its own.
  4. Find out what triggers others to react – Especially when you are telling someone boundaries, before you react, think about what tone or words will trigger this person so that you can avoid a blowup. Before you react, count to 3 and take a deep breathe. I do this especially because I’ve react before thinking about how to say something and it doesn’t go well.

These are a few things that can help you, but don’t be upset if they don’t work. There are special cases where NOTHING works and you are stuck with trying to please a person who cannot be pleased.

One thing that helps me, is journaling. Looking back at how I felt in that moment and trying to understand how I could handle the situation differently. If its something I really don’t want to remember, I’ll rip it up or burn it and its like a sense of relief off my shoulders.

What are the best ways you have handled family drama?