Hey Dearies, I wanted to talk about another big problem that us moms have that I don’t think anyone has mentioned. What’s worth keeping and what’s not worth keeping from your baby’s stuff.
I know a few are you are problem screaming at me through the screen saying, ‘WHAT?!’, but let me tell you why.
As a mother who has lost a child and is currently raising one at the moment, we want to keep stuff that they have ever use, such as outfits, blankets, shoes, bibs, toys, etc. The list goes on and on, to the point you have to ask yourself one question:
Where am I going to put this all?
But, I’m here to tell you, it’s okay that you don’t keep everything. If you are like me and live in a tiny trailer, then you understand where I’m coming from. When you have a baby, you get lots of stuff and most of the stuff is NEVER used or is used maybe once or twice.
When my son passed away, I wanted to keep all of his stuff, even stuff that he had never used, not just for memories, but for our next baby. Not to mention, I made sure his stuff, that he did wear, would be in his own tote.
Growing up, my mom make sure us kids had 3 totes. Inside, she had a few of our favorite outfits, first pairs of shoes, baby books, and some other stuff. I loved the idea of keeping a tote for each of my kids, which is exactly what I did.
Even when I kept my son’s stuff, I still had a LOT stuff that I was never been able to use, not to mention, a lot of family member also get you stuff for the baby to be, which can be super helpful, but sometimes you feel like you HAVE to keep stuff like that. But let me tell you something:
ITS OKAY TO NOT WANT TO KEEP IT!
Don’t let friends and family make you think you HAVE to keep stuff that you don’t have room for or you just don’t want to keep. There are plenty of parents and parents-to-be who are in need of stuff as such.
Yes, you can save those items for the next child you plan to have, but if you don’t have space, sell it or give it to those who need it! Don’t have your house cluttered just because you want to save it for the next baby because when you do plan to have another baby, someone else will be willing to give you the same stuff that you gave them.
So, I bet you are probably wondering, why I even wanted to bring this up. Well, let me get to that because it wasn’t just because I had a lot of leftover stuff, it had more to do with the fact that my daughter was getting older and her room was turning more into storage, than an actual bedroom.
Yes, we do have closets, but living in a small trailer, you don’t have much room to begin with, so you have to work with what you got.
Since my daughter was getting older, I decided that it was overdue for me to go through her stuff and figure out what I was going to do with it all because she needed a room that she can actually play in.
I went through any baby stuff, such as clothes, rockers, bouncy seat, bibs, walkers, etc. Since my daughter was too old to be using those, I sold them. Which, to me, isn’t a big deal because they didn’t have any attachment to it.
So, what did I actually keep?
Baby Book
Hospital Bracelets
First outfits
First pairs of shoes
An outfit that she wore, only one from each size.
First pacifier
First blanket
The first dress I crocheted her
The crib
The bassinet
Baby swing
That’s it. The last three are because they had a meaning to me, which I am going to keep for that sake, but everything else fits in her tote. Also, when I mean I’m saving an outfit from each size, it’s one outfit from newborn to 12 months. Anything else, I have either donated or sold to those who really need it.
But as moms or new moms, don’t feel pressured to keep everything, it’s okay to not want to. And it’s okay to keep everything, if you have the room and space for it, go for it!
Whatever preference you decide, it’s okay. Just remember, the moments and memories you create, is worth more than items itself.
What do you think of when you hear ‘stay-at-home mom’? Do you think, ‘Wow, they are so lucky, they must get so much time.’ or ‘Their kids must drive them crazy!’ or ‘They probably didn’t want to go back to work.’ There are so many opinions about stay-at-home moms, but they don’t understand what goes through the mind of a stay-at-home mom.
I’m a stay-at-home mom. I made the decision to become one when I realized that I didn’t want to miss out on any of my daughters milestones. I also talked to my fiance to make sure it was something we could afford to do.
However, I didn’t expect to be a stay at home mom. Way before I even had kids, I did have a plan of what I wanted to do in my future. I wanted to become a teacher. Still to this day, I would love to be a teacher, but sometimes plans change when you have kids.
Let’s get back to me being a stay-at-home mom. The other downfall is that I don’t have a way to get from place to place because I’ve got some compilations with getting my license, so once a week, my mother comes to pick me up and it gives me a chance to get out of the house.
When I get back home, I’m in this state of mind: lonely. I know I’m not alone, but when you are a stay-at-home mom, the only people you talk to is your children and whenever your spouse is home. You are probably saying, ‘Don’t you have other friends or mom friends you can talk to or invite over.’
Yes, I do, but here is the thing about me. I have no problem talk to close family, but when it comes to friends, I feel like this: I’m bothering them. They are probably busy. They don’t want to hear from me. I don’t have a car, they will think I’m using them. They probably don’t like me.Â
Those sentences run through my mind when I think about talking to someone other than my family. I do have a few friends that stay-at-home, but I will always feel like a bother to them. Which I might not be, but I feel like that for everyone, anytime someone does something for me or my family, I feel it was done because I was a bother.
Moving on, a lot of people think their house would be spotless, being able to stay home. I try my best to keep the place in ‘decent shape’, but between ordering stuff online, broken appliances, toys everywhere, and having a bunch of stuff that we have no room for, it’s very hard to keep this place spotless.
I’m lucky to sweep at least once a week or vacuum. Dishes, the ones that we use the most get rewashed everyday, the other just sit until we need them. I’ve gotten all the dishes done at one point, but they stack up quicker. Laundry has been difficult because of the fact that they are broken.
It’s not just that, I worry about not being able to pay off bills, my own medical bills. I worry about little things, but they turn into giant things because my mind makes them a big thing.
You also have to take in fact that my daughter always wants me, so doing stuff around the house during the day is difficult. ‘You can get them done when she goes to sleep or takes a nap.’ Yeah, I can, during her naps, I try to get as much as I can done, but when she goes to sleep for the night, it’s difficult because I’m exhausted and I usually take that time to relax doing what I want to do. Sometimes, I’m just too tired and just go to bed.
The one thing people always asks me is:Â Do you love being a stay-at-home mom?
Yes and no. The no part is that you don’t socialize very much with adults, chores can be a challenge to do, you get depressed very quickly, you mind feels, and you never get a break, sometimes. Why do I love it? I get to see my daughter reach milestones. Watch laugh, cry, walk, find her voice, play with her toys, talk, and most of all, make her known that she is loved.
If you are a stay-at-home mom and can get all the chores done, being able to sit on the couch folding laundry with a cup of coffee, watching your kids favorite T.V. show, good for you! I’m glad you have the motivation to do all that, I wish I had motivation for that.
But, if you are like me, where we barely get stuff done, spend it most with our kids, forgetting to sweep, worrying about what to do with stuff that you can’t decided to throw away or keep. It’s okay!
It’s okay that our emotions get in the way, we just have to learn to deal with them in the most healthiest way possible. It’s okay if you reach out for help, sometimes you just need an outsiders point of view.
When you here the game Sims, what comes to mind? I think about The Sims games, creating a character and controlling their life. A lot of people forget that the Sims first originated from SimCity, where you created a city and made sure that it was successful.
I’m not going to talk about SimCity, though. This is mainly about The Sims. I’ll be honest, I’ve never actually played the Sims, but for it’s time, it was amazing. To be able to control their life, made them do whatever our hearts wanted them to do.
It was like GTA, but without the violence and free will to move your Sim manual. You could even create your dream house, have a family, or get the job of your dreams. When I got hooked, it wasn’t with the first The Sims, it was The Sims 2.
The Sims 2
The first time I saw The Sims 2, was when I was on YouTube. I had came across it and it was recommend to me. A lot of people actually used The Sims 2 game, to create movies or series, or what got me hooked on, was the teen pregnancy series.
You must think that I’m weird to like to watch them, but seriously, look up the series ‘My Life’. The creator of that series, she really got me to thinking that I wanted to do something creative like that. If you actually watch her series, from her very first episode, to her newer ones, she has come a long way.
The Sims 2 had more to offer, as well. There were more add-on’s to the game, such as the different seasons, hobbies, and even jobs. It made the game play more like real life.
I finally had a chance to buy it for myself, and I am currently, trying to learn how to film and make a good series, that I will post on my YouTube channel.
Even if you aren’t trying to make a series, its a great way to past the time on a rainy day. Hell, I even when forward and created my fiance, son, daughter, and myself into the game. I highly recommend getting this game! It’s the best of both worlds.
Now, let’s talk about its, aftermath…The Sims 3.
The Sims 3
I’m going to try my best not to bash this game. It wasn’t a bad sequel to The Sims 3. They added a lot of new things, such as making it easier to custom clothes and items, you didn’t have to wait for loading times to get from one place to another, and you could follow your Sim to work, the hospital, etc.
There was one BIG issue with this game. It is SO buggy. If you didn’t have the best computer in the world, you were bugging because your game would lag. Brand new or with mods, it would lag, or the loading time would take forever. Especially if you are in create-a-sim.
To me, the creators wanted to get this game out, as soon as possible because of the high demand that The Sims 2 was, so they did rush it, a little, by adding some stuff that the other games never had.
The one thing that I LOVED about it, was that you could follow your Sim anywhere without having to deal with those loading screens and the way you could custom, almost everything.
The Sims 3 was the first Sims game that I have ever own and I had the season, pets, and supernatural packs that made the game play so much fun! I wonder, now that I have a better computer, if it would run better?
Last, but not least, let’s get to the newer Sims game that came out in the last few years, The Sims 4.
The Sims 4
Again, this is another game I haven’t touched, yet, and I have looked into seeing if it is really worth getting, but to me, the creators went back a couple steps. You think with a newer game, it would be better and would fix the problems from the last game, well, they did, but not very well.
I have heard that the game play is okay, graphics are okay, etc. It is missing A LOT from The Sims 3 game. You have loading screens for EVERYWHERE you go, even if you are going to the next door neighbor.
It’s not as buggy or laggy, as The Sims 3 was, but they had to get rid of a lot of stuff, in order to fix it, which a lot of people were disappointed in. The Sims 4, seems to me, boring. Just because they didn’t add anything new that would make us get excited.
Although, they did add a pack that basically makes you do your Sims job. Which was something that we could do in the other games, but I would rather just fast-forward my Sim’s job, then doing it, I’m already controlling pretty much them, why should I have to do their work for them?
Which is worth playing?
The Sims 2, hands down. I would recommend it to everyone. It plays great on Windows 10, there is a few glitches, but it’s still playable. I like how the Sims are in this game and how you can do so much.
Plus, it still has that SimCity feeling to it, so that I could make my own town, I could. I am hoping to get a few more packs, just to play around with it some more. I do have the the Late Night and University packs, so I am hoping to either get Pets or Seasons next.
If you are a Sims fan, which game do you prefer? Leave a comment down below! There has also been a rumor that they are working on The Sims 5, do you thinks they should have another Sims? If so, what do you think they need to improve or leave alone?
Yes, I know it’s been a while since I have done a ‘Mom Talk’, but I wanted to go into detail to see if it is really possible to work from home as a stay-at-home parent. Whether you are trying to make extra cash for spending or looking to create a permit career.
Every since I had my kids, I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and also have a career from home as well. There is a lot of scams, but their are a few that are very legit and could even give you benefits for you and your family.
I search everyday for a work at home career or even just a part-time job, but there is always an issue. Either I don’t have the experience, I don’t have a quiet place, or don’t have the sale mind to bug people to buy the products I’m pushing to sell.
So, I looked into doing survey’s for cash. However, there is always a catch. You either can’t cash out until you make, at least, $20-$30 bucks, which takes forever to do. Plus the survey’s were either the same thing, that I would spend 30 minutes to an hour to complete and only got less than .25 cents, or I wouldn’t qualify for most of the survey’s.
Let me tell you something, it IS possible to work from home. You just have to find it at the right opportunity.
I’ve heard so many stories of people that are making enough money for even their spouses don’t have to work, plus still having enough money to buy their dream home, or have that car they always wanted, or even have a big family, like they have always dreamed of having.
I’ve always thought that if the time was right, the opportunity will come to me, I just can’t stop searching. Although, I’ve been trying to get back into the Customer Service pool, but the two things that stop me are: I have a loud, barking at whatever moves or makes a loud sound, dog and not feeling confident enough to do both working and taking care of my daughter.
That’s why I started this blog. I wanted to have a job where I could work whenever, but still have time for my kids. I still haven’t found a way to actually make money off of it, yet, but it’s possible. I just can’t give up.
Maybe one day, I’ll be able to look back on this all and enjoy my life as a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. Like I have always told myself, if it’s meant to be, then its meant to be. If it isn’t, just keep on swimming and don’t give up.
*This is a very true story. Tissues might be needed. It was difficult to write this, but it is something that helps me express what had happen with my son and his short journey. Please, just take caution when reading.*
There are a lot of ‘Mom Blogs’ out in the web. Some talk about how to take care of a child or their experiences with their child’s first achievements in life. But I haven’t seen very many that talk about the experience of having a child with a heart disease. Let’s just say that it’s very much an emotional rollar coaster.
Well, that’s what it was for me. My son was diagnosed with HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) when I was 22 weeks pregnant with him. Basically, HLHS is when the left side of their heart is either underdeveloped or never formed. Once he was born, he would have to go into surgery within the first week of life.
Altogether, he would have to go through 3 major surgeries with in the first 3 years of his life. Now, I was 18 when I was pregnant with my son, Liam. Image being me at 18, and being told that there was a very big change that he wouldn’t make it. Liam’s everyday life would be either life or death.
The happy family that my fiance and I imaged had changed. We didn’t know if he would make it to his first birthday. We had so many unanswered questions. Would he be able to play sports when he gets older? Would he need a heart transplant in the future if his starts to fail? Or the big question that we wanted to know: Would he ever make it home from the hospital?
Because of how serious his disease was, we weren’t able to have him, in our state. We were recommended to go down to Boston Children’s Hospital. We were told that they deal with congenital heart defects everyday. It made me and our family feel a lot better about having Liam there.
Once Liam was born, he was the most beautiful baby boy that I ever laid eyes on. You couldn’t see that there was anything wrong with him, but on the inside, there was a struggling heart that we would of never noticed.
As soon as I hear him cry, I started to cry myself. They cleaned him up and gave him medicine, to keep the values from closing. We could only hold him for a minute before they took him up to where he needed to be.
I finally got to hold him longer, later that day. I wanted to keep holding him because I knew that once he had his surgery, it would be a very long time until we were able to hold him again. They planned for his first surgery to be on June 27th, 2016, 3 days after his birth.
My fiance and I spent the entire day with him, holding him, getting as much closeness as we could. Until, the morning of his surgery came. We walked down with him, until we got to the point we weren’t able to go past. We both kissed his and held his little fingers. Praying that god would watch over our little boy.
During that day, we got out of the hospital, trying to get our minds off of the fact that they were doing surgery on our son. I wanted to wait all day, but my fiance and I agreed it would be best to go out and get some fresh air. We got frequent updates, while Liam was in surgery. It made me feel better that someone cared enough to let us know that everything was going smoothly and that they would keep us posted until he was our of surgery.
Once they called to let us know that he was doing great, they told us that he was all set to see visitors. I was nervous and scared to see how he looked. Even when we got closer to his room, tears already started to pour down my face.
As a parent, you never want your children to go through surgery or be hooked up to anything. Seeing Liam for the first time out of surgery, was life changing. His chest wasn’t closed, they keep the chest open for a few days to make sure everything is working out fine before they close it. Every time I would go to see him, I asked that they covered his heart, just when I was in there. I don’t know why, but I felt uncomfortable.
As weeks went passed, they finally closed his chest and slowly started to take him off some medication and his breathing tube. We were finally able to hold our son again, after about 4 weeks from his surgery.
We thought that things were going great, he was able to leave the NICU and move over to what they called was ‘The Floor’, meaning that Liam still needed nurses, but not 24/7, like he did in the NICU. The doctors said that once he was able to start eating from a bottle or breast and a few other things, he would be able to go home.
Day 2, of being on ‘The Floor’, was the most horrible day of my life. The nurse had come in to give Liam his medicine and he was being fussy, so she suggested that I pick him up and rock him. All of a sudden, my worst nightmare had happen. He stopped breathing in my arms.
The nurse took him and pressed the code blue button, 7-8 other hospital staff rushed in to help, they took him back over the NICU. I followed them, shocked and frighted. My fiance rushed over to the hospital, they wouldn’t allow both parents to stay in the room together, so he had to stay at a place that was a mile away from the hospital.
My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t know what to do, they had a nurse stay with me until my fiance got there. All I could say was, ‘he stopped breathing in my arms.’
They did CPR on him for 45 minutes until they were able to get on bypass. They didn’t know what happened. They figured it was a blood clot that blocked blood from reaching his heart. The told us that they were going to try and take him off bypass slowly and hope for the best, but if he was still on it after a week, there was a good chance that Liam wouldn’t make it.
During the time he was on bypass, Liam had brain damage, from getting CPR for too long, kidneys and liver were starting to fail. We ended up sitting down with a few doctors and his surgeon. We also got our immediate family to come up, for the support. They said that once we can get him off bypass, that they would be able to determined if he would still have brain activity, but by the looks of what they were trying to read, he had little to none brain activity.
My fiance and I looked at each other and prayed that god wouldn’t take Liam from us. He did. On July 23rd, 2016 at 4 in the morning, our son had passed away. When they took him off bypass, he was doing fine, but slowly started to decline. My fiance, his mother, my mother and I, were with him when he passed. I held him until his heart stopped beating.
Everyone I knew, their baby got to come home in their car seat, but Liam never even left the hospital. He didn’t come home in a car seat. He came home in a box. Every mother’s worst night mare.
It was really hard to write this, but I think it’s time that everyone knows that not every baby born in this world is perfectly normal. I rather tell people my experience than let every mother or soon-to-be mother think that everyone’s child is born healthy.
Because my son wasn’t born healthy. His heart disease was something that not even doctors know how it was caused. I’ve googled it thousands of times, no one know’s why HLHS happens or any congenital birth defect.
This year will be two years that Liam has been gone. I’ll never get to see him on his first birthday or see him walk or talk for the first time. He was two days shy of being a month old.
But there is one thing that I want to let everyone know. Whether your child was on this world for a day, month, or years, you can’t just get over it. People think that because Liam wasn’t even a month old, that I can just get over it.
To this day, I still cry about him, not as much as I first did, but I do still cry about him. I always will. He is my little Simba and I miss and love him so much.
On a happier note, Liam gave us a surprise from up above. We were blessed with our daughter, Isabella on October 25th 2017, our rainbow baby. I believe that he knew we were ready to be parents, as cheesy as it may sound, and gave us our healthy daughter.
Every year on his birthday, we release balloons, in honor of him. In honor of our heart warrior, our little Simba. Now, our Simba is looking down and watching over his little sister from up above.
As all parents know, we are bound to get frustrated with our kids, lifestyle, work, etc. How to deal with it, can be very difficult. Especially, when you are a stay-at-home mom. It’s even worse when you suffer from depression.
I get frustrated. I can admit that. A lot of people can’t.
I get frustrated over little things, that I can do nothing about. I get frustrated over the bigger things that I can’t fix. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do, until the time is right to fix something. Or in my case, money always frustrates me.
Sometimes I get very frustrated with my daughter. I get frustrated when she cries and there is nothing I can do to help her. Do I take it out on her? No. I put her in her crib, play pen, or anywhere where I know she won’t hurt herself. I then take a deep breathe, count to ten and then go back to my daughter and try to take care of her the best I can.
Another reason why I get very frustrated is that I haven’t felt comfortable to leave my daughter with anyone, yet. I bet you are all thinking or saying that I need a break. I do, but with my past history, it’s very hard to do.
Losing my son, is making it difficult to leave her with anyone. I feel that if I do, I am going to freak out, if she were to spend the night somewhere, or I would get that call that something is wrong. The only people that really understand what I am going through, are mother who have lost a baby.
My daughter is 7 months old and I am starting to realize that she just wants me, which frustrates me because I want to get stuff done in the house. I know it’s my fault, but it’s hard to let go. It’s like when your child goes in for their first day of preschool, its hard to watch them go.
Anyway, being frustrated doesn’t mean you are a bad parent, it means you need to take a step back and try different ways to relax your frustration. I’ve counted to 10, that has helped. Closing your eyes, working out, doing a hobby, or if you are in a pickle, closing your eyes and relaxing them to a second.
Meditation is what I’m going to try and get into because of the fact that I still don’t feel 100% comfortable to leave my daughter with anyone, yet.
If you are like me and can’t leave your child, for whatever reason, start with an hour. Leave your child with your spouse and see how you do. Try it out with different family family members and then slowly leave them for more that an hour or two.
When you know that baby is comfortable and you finally feel comfortable, then leave them with family for a night. You just have to get to, not only your comfort zone, but your child’s as well.
Another way to deal with frustration, is to talk to someone, someone you know that wouldn’t mind listening to whatever is frustrating you. Airing it out is a lot better than keeping it in. I know how hard it is to talk to someone, but you don’t want it to keep it all in.
Before it’s too late and then you end up screaming at someone.
A lot of people think that having a baby will bring you joy and happiness for your family. Which is does, but a lot of people don’t understand that there is a lot going on then just taking care of a baby.
I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. It’s been a long rocky-road for me. Sometimes, I just wish that I could just be happy, but having depression, makes you want to do nothing. Be nothing. You are always sad inside and no one will really know unless you talk to them about it.
When you have a baby, after the baby is born, some mom struggle with, what it is called, ‘baby blues’. It usually happens to a lot of moms within the first month of their baby being born. That’s why a lot of OBGYN’s ask you about ‘baby blues’, at your 6 week post-postpartum check up. They want to make sure that you and the baby are in good hands.
As a mom who has already lost a child and just had another one, it’s really difficult for me to watch my daughter grow because my son died when he was only a month old. It’s started to hit me a few days ago, that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of blogging going on.
Not just with the depression, stress and other issues are also on my mind. It makes it worse, especially when you have a little one that needs you every waking minute. There are days that I don’t want to get up, but my daughter gives me the kick that I need to get up and go on with my life.
It makes me sad that I can’t see my son reach the milestones that my daughter is, but she gives me a sense of hope. Just because I lost my son, I can’t get up on the fact that he’s gone. I always know that he will always watch over my daughter and any future children that I may have.
Before you say that a newly mother can’t be depressed, think about this. Have you ever had a child? Have you ever thought of the crying to never end? Have you ever go nuts, in your mind, because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?
I give praises to newly mothers, especially ones that have babies or children with birth defects. I also want to praise all the mothers that try their best, when they think their best isn’t good enough.
You moms are doing amazing!
It’s good to hear a good thing or too. To me, it makes me feel inspired and more confident to shoot for the stars.
But the one thing that I always do, when I’m feeling depressed or down, I talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or my fiance. I talk to someone. I rather people know what’s going on, versus keeping it all locked inside. As much as I sometimes would rather not talk to anyone, I know that I should.
If you are a mom, who’s struggling with depression or ‘baby blues’, talk to someone or talk to your doctor, they can give you some medication that will make it easier for you to handle. As much as some people don’t like taking medications, I am one of those people, it does work.
I am always an open ear. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, go to my Contact page and send me a message. It’s better to open up to someone, rather than no one.
To all those moms, you keep doing what you are doing, better days are sure to come.
*If you really need help and need to talk to someone or a medical professionally, click on the link below. It gives a list of hotlines and explains depression in depth. The hotline is there and is completely anonymous.
Once you find out your expecting your first child, its an amazing feeling! Your excited to experience being pregnant and feeling your child grow to giving birth and watching them grow. However, the moment you get pregnant, the unwanted advise will start to kick in.
Some people are very genuine, but there are others that will pull the whole, “When I was pregnant,” or “I raise my kids this way.” It can be very overwhelming and it does make you very cautious about how you will raise your kids because you’ll feel like you need to raise your kids the way they are telling you.
Best part, you don’t NEED to take their advise.
I would nod and thank them anyway. I was always raised to be kind and respectful to my elders or anyone in general. I would say usually, “Thank you for the advise, I’ll keep that in mind.” Saying something as simple as that is sweet and perfect to use.
As a mom, you will get told by everyone how to care for your child. From your family to doctors to strangers. Even before the baby’s born, you will be told how to even take care of yourself.
What’s important is what’s best for YOU. If you aren’t sure about something, whether when you are pregnant or kids, ask your provider, they would know what is best. Of course you can always go to your mom, but if you really are unsure, going to a professional would be the best advise that you can get.
When I was first pregnant with my son, I wasn’t as vocal as I wanted to be. It was all new, exciting, and I was scared shitless. I was worrying about all the wrong things that could happen with the pregnancy, especially with it being my first. I was even more overwhelmed when I found out my son was going to have a heart condition.
Even when they knew about his heart condition, I still got the unwanted advise. I don’t think many people understood that with his heart condition, it was all together going to be a different situation. I just kept to myself and thanked them anyway since I was more worried about if my son was going to make it.
My daughter, it was completely different. I put my foot down to a lot of stuff. I’m still trying to make sure that peoples advice doesn’t change the way I want to raise my kids. Plus, we as moms, get judged on everything.
With my more recent daughter, I did get some advise, but honestly I did take most of it in consideration since there has been a huge gap between my oldest daughter, to my youngest and there had been a lot of changes since she was little.
To me, I will take the advice into consideration, but if it’s something that I, as a parent, will not do to parent my child, then I speak up. Sometimes, I can’t speak up to others about this because I’m afraid of hurting their feelings, but I have learned that when it comes to you parenting your kids, the only feeling that matters is your kids and yours.
There are three ways you can handle unwanted advise:
Ignoring it – This is what I usually do, if a stranger were to approach me with unwanted advise. I usually will nod my head. Sometimes, I do it with family, its easier to do, if you don’t want to make a big deal out or you know it will turn into a giant fight, this would be your best go to.
Speaking up, in a polite way – If you are a person that voices your opinion, but don’t want to offend anyone. This would be more towards close friends, maybe family. Telling them in a polite way, will make it seem not as harsh as bluntly coming out and telling them what is what.
Bluntly telling them straight up – I only go this far, if I’m frustrated. If I have had a bad day and didn’t have any coffee, I snap. I usually will only snap at family, because they have been in my shoes. Plus they understand that they would rather me snap at them versus my kids.
There is one thing that we always need to keep in mind. How we parent our kids, may not be the same as other, but we should respect how others parent. The world we live in now, there are too many people judging before they know the full story, but when it comes to advise, we need to handle it as we feel comfortable.
Back in the day, we didn’t know how bad smoking cigarettes can be. Now, you don’t see any commercials promoting cigarettes or tobacco. If you do, its very rare to see an add for cigarettes. No matter how much people hate it, there are people who still smoke today and I don’t think it will go away anytime soon.
I’ll admit, I have tried a cigarette a few times, but thankfully it wasn’t something I got addicted to. It also helped that most of my family didn’t smoke around us either, which made me grateful I didn’t get into that. I’m actually shocked that I didn’t start smoking when I was living with my ex, who ask smoked as well as his family.
Even though I have never became addicted to it, I could see how difficult it is to try and quit. I watched my ex tried to quit, but would always cave when his family was around because they still smoked. He almost had quit for a full year before our daughter was born to then give it up the day after we had her.
Back in the day, people were smoking all the time with kids around. In public places or in their own homes. No one realized the dangers until more research was done to show and prove that they can kill you faster than eating fast food every day. They also found out that second hand smoke was just as bad as smoking the cigarette.
Which is why I will keep my kids away from cigarette smoke as much as I can. Smoking is a bad habit, but you shouldn’t make others or your children have to deal with your habit. I know so many people I went to high school where if they lived in a household where their parents smoked, 9 times out of 10, I saw them pick up the same habit.
Even when you are in another room or holding up the cigarette away from the child, they can still inhale the second hand smoke. Especially in a car. Rolling down the windows WILL NOT prevent the smoke from getting to the child. Thankfully in Maine, you can get fined for smoking in the car with any minor under 15 or 16.
As a mother, who had a child with a heart condition, it’s even more fatal. I’m one of those moms that will not go into a house or car if it smells like cigarette smoke. I was never around it and I want my kids to not be around it.
I will be making sure that my kids don’t get into that awful habit. My daughter knows whenever she sees a cigarette to think of it as a ‘cancer stick’. Since one of the possibilities with smoking can be getting cancer from it.
I’ve lost family members because of their smoking habits, I don’t want to risk my children’s life just because someone needs to have a cigarette.
A lot of moms don’t have the pleasure to stay home with their children nowadays. In order just to live, you need both parents income and even that can barely keep you afloat. Even then its still a struggle to afford daycare on top of all the other bills as well.
Back in the day, the husband would be out working, while the wife stayed home to care for the kids, keeping the house clean and in order, and as well as making sure that there was a cooked meal ready for when the husband got home.
Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for everyone. I honestly never really thought about being a stay-at-home mom much until after I had lost my son and got pregnant with my daughter that I didn’t want to miss out on her growing up and reaching milestones that I would never get to experience with my son.
After I had her, I knew I would have a very difficult time leaving her when I had to go back to work. So, her father and I decided that being a stay-at-home mom would be the best thing for not only me, but it would save us on having to pay for childcare as well.
At the time, I didn’t have my license and the only places I could walk were just to my mother-in-laws, which I didn’t do much because we lived on a very busy street. Not to mention, I was living in a trailer park that also wasn’t close to any store at all either.
We did have a mini backyard that I had a swing that I could go out on, which was nice to have, but I felt very alone during the day and even more at night. Since my daughters father worked night shift, I barely had time with him during the day before he had to leave for work.
I did feel very alone, even though I was with my daughter, I felt so alone. The social interaction I would get from her father, was more of what bills need to be paid, what groceries we needed, and what we were going to do the weekend. I felt like I was on zombie mode.
Which is why I started to get into blogging more and even had a pen pal that I would e-mail just to stay sane. Sure, I had my family I could call and text, which I did often, but they didn’t really understand what struggles a stay-at-home mom can go through.
I become very depressed after the 2nd year of being a stay-at-home mom. I loved being able to spend time with my daughter and watching her grow up and learn new things, but I also hated being stuck and alone most of the day.
Thankfully, I did manage to get out at least once a week when my mom would come on Sundays. We would do our usual visit to see my great-grandmother or do something fun for the day either visiting family or shopping or just getting out of the house.
The sad part was, the moment I got home, I was alone again.
My depression got so bad to a point that I didn’t think I’d ever get to the point of not being here. However, the voice in my head kept telling me, “your daughter needs you.” That was the thing that kept me going, but it also terrified me of how she would have to cope if I went through with it.
Thankfully, my mom helped me get myself out of the tunnel of darkness and back on my feet. After the 3rd year of being a stay-at-home mom, I got a job and started working again.
After that, I moved in with her, got my license, bought my first car, and worked on myself within the first 6 months of leaving my ex. As much as I loved spending all the time in the world with my daughter, I was slowly losing myself.
I never regret being a stay-at-home mom because my daughter and I had lots of fun and she always made me smile, especially on my bad days. If I had to go back and do it again, I think I would, but I would find a remote job so that I didn’t loose my mind completely.
Being a stay-at-home mom is hard, but the memories and watching your child grow up and hit milestones, is priceless. I really wish we didn’t live the way that we did so that more mother’s could experience it for themselves for at least the first year.
I wish I did that with my youngest daughter that I had back in February of this year, but with how my current living situation is, it would be difficult to do. I did take a longer maternity leave with this one, but ended up going back to work shortly after.
Overall, choosing to be a stay-at-home mom has is ups and downs, however, it is up to you to see if that lifestyle is something for you. After being back in the workforce, I personally wouldn’t be able to do it again, unless I was working from home.
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