Hey Dearies! I wanted to bring up something that I’m having trouble with, but some pointers I wanted to bring up if you are a newly single. Whether your a single parent, just got out of a long relationship, or have been single for awhile, but just started looking, this might be good information to know!
Now, for all of you who have been following me since the very beginning, I decided to leave my children’s father back in 2021. I didn’t start dating again until 6 months after I had left him. A lot of people asked why I didn’t just jump right into and it was because I wanted to work on myself.
I wanted to make sure that I loved myself before I jumped into another relationship. However, I felt like I had to start putting myself out there. I also had a few people that were pushing me to get out there as well.
I was expecting the dating world to be back before I first met the father of my children. Back when it was 2014. Oh no, things had really changed this time since I first went back on dating sites.
First, Facebook had a dating part that they had added and that’s where I first started. I met a few guys that I had really great conversations. Most of them would ghost me or never talk to me after saying ‘hello’. Other guys weren’t really there for meeting anyone to build a relationship, just hook ups. Then there were the few guys that actually caught my heart and shredded it down to practically nothing.
At the end of 2021, I did find someone I really started to fall for and started dating him. I’m not going to go into complete details, but he was the one that got away. It also didn’t help that life happened and I didn’t really know how to handle it. We tried rekindling it back last year, but he had his life that he had a lot going on.
Anyway, I decided in March to give this dating thing another try and this time my walls would be up no matter what. However, I still have hope for that one guy he will come running back into my life so we can try again, but as the saying goes, “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, it was meant to be, if not, it never was.”
So, nowadays, I’m focused on building a friendship with some of the guys I’ve been talking to. I don’t want to rush into anything and I know what I’m looking for, but I am keeping an eye out for the red flags.
Here are a few Red Flags you should keep in mind:
–No Job or Can’t Keep a Job– This is a HUGE red flag. My more recent ex had this issue and I lost a LOT of money because I was supporting him. I learned my lesson on that. Even if they wanted to borrow $20 bucks here and there, don’t do it. Trust me, it adds up faster than you think.
–No Car/No License– This is a red flag for me because I live in Maine and in order to go anywhere, you really need to have a car. I have nothing against those that don’t have a car or license, but please don’t date people just because they will cart you around.
It’s one thing if you are taking an Uber or taxi to meet up with them, but it’s another thing to demand them to bring you here or there. Keep this in mind, the first time you tell someone you will give them a ride, they will always think you will give them a ride.
–Separated/In a Open Relationship– This one is tricky because all situations are different. I feel that if you still are married, you shouldn’t be dating until your divorce is final, but that is just me. I also am not a fan of “open relationships”. I know that people’s opinions have changed on that, but I’m against it completely. When I’m in a relationship with a guy, I don’t want him to share me or me to have to share him.
Nothing against those who are in an open relationship. If it works for you or for your situation, great! I don’t think I could handle it very well, emotionally.
–Love Bombing – I didn’t even know this was an actual red flag, but it is! I really hate to bring it back to my more current ex, but he did the same thing to me. Pretty much all the time he would call be “beautiful” to the point that the word meant nothing. He would also use this whenever we got into an argument, he would change the subject into complimenting me instead of talking about the issue at hand. If you don’t know what “love bombing” is, it is when someone frequently attempts to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.
–Not Respecting Your Bountries – This is a huge red flag, if they can’t respect your bountries, that shows that they have no respect for you. Granted, in the beginning of a relationship is learning what each other bountries are. That is why if you let them know what your bountries are at the begining, you can tell right away if they will respect them or not. I had an ex that got mad at me for hanging out with my best friend for one night, just because I didn’t include him.
–They Want You To Always Put Them First – If you have children, you would understand that when it comes to a new relationship, you and your kids come first. It brings us back to situtation I talked about before. That ex wanted me to put him on the thrown, honestly, he is in most of these red flags, I should just write about how awful the experience really was.
–Talk Badly About Ex’s/Or Still Talking To Their Ex’s – So, I can’t say that I haven’t talked badly about an ex since as you can see from this post, however, I’m not one of those that goes onto the internet and blasts them by name. If they can talk badly about their ex or say all their ex’s are crazy without explaining why, that is a problem to be aware of.
What is even more of a red flag is still talking or being friends with an ex. Depending on the situation, I will keep an open mind. If you have a baby daddy or baby mommy, that is a different situation since you are communicating about the kids. That’s the relationship I have with my daughter’s father, its strictly about our daughter.
–Drug/Alcohol Problem – This is another huge red flag to keep in mind because they will tend to put their “habit” first. There’s nothing wrong with having a social drink every now and then, but if they need it constantly or all the time, that is a problem.
–Bad Feeling/Gut Feeling – You know your body better than anyone else does, but if there is something off or fishy about the person you are talking to, trust your gut! Most of us want to listen with our hearts or heads, but sometimes its better to listen to your gut first.
If you aren’t sure, talk about it with friends or family. They would be the first one to notice the red quicker than you would. Especially, if you are so into them. You don’t have to listen to them, but its always good to get a 3rd party’s advice of the situation.
–No Social Media/Different Name for Social Media – Okay, so this one isn’t really a red flag, but it really depends who you ask on this. My last ex had a different name on his Facebook. I really didn’t think anything of it until I found out there was a bigger reason why he didn’t give out his full name. It’s okay for someone to not want to have a social media presence, but if they can’t seem to tell you their true name, really look into why that is.
There could be a number of reasons why, but if you start out talking to them and right at the bat they give you a fake name, that’s a red flag. The reason why I say this, is because they are hiding something from you. Whether they have a double life or have been in trouble with the law, this is something you want to pay attention to. Especially, if you plan on having your kids meet them after going out with them for some time.
–Ignoring You/Taking Longer to Reply – This one, I really had a lot of issues when it came to them taking either days to reply. However, I have finally understand that if someone likes you enough to talk to you, they will. If they don’t or have excuses as to why they haven’t replied back to you, take the hint that they aren’t interested in you.
It’s one thing if they are at work or in the middle of doing something and they give you a heads up that they are busy and will talk to you later. Its another thing if they are straight up ignoring you and you see that they are active or they posted on their story or Facebook.
Don’t waste your time waiting for a reply. My rule is if they don’t reply back to you within 24-28 hours, move on to the next one. Everyone checks their phone more than once a day, so there isn’t really an excuse as to why they can’t reply to you.
–They Don’t Want To Meet In Public/Wants You To Meet At Their House – The first meeting with someone you met online, it should be in public. The reason why I say this is because of the fact that if you feel uncomfortable or the person is starting to creep you out, you can get outta there faster.
Most of the time, if a guy/girl are asking you to meet at their place, it usually means they just want to hook up. Not for everyone, but most of the time its usually that reason.
Another key thing to keep in mind, is that if you go on a date with someone in public, let a friend or family member know where you are, just in case something goes wrong. Or even have a friend at the location with you watching from a distance, so if there is something wrong or off about your date, you can text them to let them know, that way your still safe.
Overall, the best way to handle the dating world is think of it as a battlefield. The problem with today’s dating world is that there are too many apps, tons of being ghosted, and no one really looking for something real anymore.
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