Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Depression As A Mom

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A lot of people think that having a baby will bring you joy and happiness for your family. Which is does, but a lot of people don’t understand that there is a lot going on then just taking care of a baby.

I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. It’s been a long rocky-road for me. Sometimes, I just wish that I could just be happy, but having depression, makes you want to do nothing. Be nothing. You are always sad inside and no one will really know unless you talk to them about it.

When you have a baby, after the baby is born, some mom struggle with, what it is called, ‘baby blues’. It usually happens to a lot of moms within the first month of their baby being born. That’s why a lot of OBGYN’s ask you about ‘baby blues’, at your 6 week post-postpartum check up. They want to make sure that you and the baby are in good hands.

As a mom who has already lost a child and just had another one, it’s really difficult for me to watch my daughter grow because my son died when he was only a month old. It’s started to hit me a few days ago, that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of blogging going on.

Not just with the depression, stress and other issues are also on my mind. It makes it worse, especially when you have a little one that needs you every waking minute. There are days that I don’t want to get up, but my daughter gives me the kick that I need to get up and go on with my life.

It makes me sad that I can’t see my son reach the milestones that my daughter is, but she gives me a sense of hope. Just because I lost my son, I can’t get up on the fact that he’s gone. I always know that he will always watch over my daughter and any future children that I may have.

Before you say that a newly mother can’t be depressed, think about this. Have you ever had a child? Have you ever thought of the crying to never end? Have you ever go nuts, in your mind, because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

I give praises to newly mothers, especially ones that have babies or children with birth defects. I also want to praise all the mothers that try their best, when they think their best isn’t good enough.

You moms are doing amazing!

It’s good to hear a good thing or too. To me, it makes me feel inspired and more confident to shoot for the stars.

But the one thing that I always do, when I’m feeling depressed or down, I talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or my fiance. I talk to someone. I rather people know what’s going on, versus keeping it all locked inside. As much as I sometimes would rather not talk to anyone, I know that I should.

If you are a mom, who’s struggling with depression or ‘baby blues’, talk to someone or talk to your doctor, they can give you some medication that will make it easier for you to handle. As much as some people don’t like taking medications, I am one of those people, it does work.

I am always an open ear. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, go to my Contact page and send me a message. It’s better to open up to someone, rather than no one.

To all those moms, you keep doing what you are doing, better days are sure to come.

*If you really need help and need to talk to someone or a medical professionally, click on the link below. It gives a list of hotlines and explains depression in depth. The hotline is there and is completely anonymous.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/

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Mom Talk: Dealing With Family Drama

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Drama is very difficult to avoid or stay away from. It’s its apart of our life, no matter what. Whether you are single or are in a relationship, drama is sure to find you.

Especially, if you are a parent and have children. However you decide how to raise your children, there will always be someone who talks behind you back about how much they really don’t like how you raise your children.

For me, I’ve got drama everywhere I look. In our house, if we have a problem, we sit down and deal with it and then move on. However, on both sides of our family, there are a few family members that haven’t really grown up yet, even with children.

Which, for me, I’ve grown up a lot, and I’m only 20. Losing my son, made me realize that I life is short and that we should make each day worth living for. It also made me realize that I’m too mature, even though sometimes I don’t act mature, that I don’t want to be around the drama.

I will admit that I am nosey, if it is about anyone else. Everyone can be nosey at some point in their life. You may or may not admit it, but it’s true.

What I am really getting at is that sometimes, the drama can children in the middle of it. I’m talking about when the adults get into an agruement and they ignore each other, preventing the children from bonding and creating a friendly relationship.

It makes me feel sad that cousins can’t have a good bond, like I do with my cousins, because one or the other parents have issues with a agruement.

I think that drama should be let back in high school. You either need to suck it up, buttercup. Or take you and the drama that follows, back to high school, where it belongs!

Families need to stick together through thick and thin. If you can’t get over an issue between your family members, think about your children and how it would effect them because the children should be the first thing that is thought about, not what issues you have with your family.

Unless, you are like me, and have that one person that did something really bad to you, that you don’t even want them to be in your or your childs life. Keep in mind, and I always have, it is your choice on who you want in your life and your childrens life.

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Mom Talk: Mother’s Day vs. Father’s Day

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I know its a day behind, but I wanted to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, moms-to-be, step-moms, and all the other moms who stepped up when the dad didn’t.

A lot of mom’s think that because it is Mother’s Day, they will have a clean house, don’t have to do dishes, or laundry. For some families, they do that or they make breakfast in bed for their moms.

I wanted to talk about the real meaning of Mother’s Day. It’s not just for mom’s, its for all the woman that acted like a mother or was a mother to you in your lifetime. I also want to say that Mother’s Day is a day for the mother’s and that Father’s Day is for the father’s.

There are tons of mom’s that are single and play both parts, but Mother’s Day is for all the mom’s, whether you loss a baby, had a miscarriage, or adopted a child, that day is for you.

What really upsets me, is that single moms or moms who play both roles of mom and dad, think that Father’s Day is about them too. NO. Just no. Father’s Day is for all the fathers or dads, not for those moms who play both parts.

For example, I’m going to use my family as an example. I don’t speak or talk to my father because he was never a real father to my siblings and I. He has always been in and out of our lives that I don’t considered to say anything on Father’s Day.

My mom has been raising us and caring for us since day one. My father does it when he feels that he needs to be, not when he should be, which would be all the time. That’s why I don’t tell my father, Happy Father’s Day. I say it to my mom’s dad because he was there for my siblings and I when my father wasn’t.

Anyway, Happy Mother’s Day to all the MOTHER’S out there, this is your day, NOT Father’s Day.

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Mom Talk: Being or Becoming Engaged

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Being or become engaged to your significant other is a huge step in any relationship. It’s a promise that you are going to one day,¬† going to marry the person that you plan on spending the rest of your life with.

I am currently engaged. My fiance proposed to me last year on Christmas Day. We have been together for almost 4 years. We have been through a lot during those years. Losing our son bought us closer than ever before. I’ve never been more happier in my life.

Anyway, the reason why I wanted to bring up the topic of engagement, was that I wanted to talk to you about was how long should you be engaged for.

As soon as we got engaged, I started thinking of a date, which we planned on getting married in 2020. Ever since then, I have been thinking of colors, themes, what my dress will be, who will be my bride maids, etc. I’ve always wanted to get married to the love of my life, so when he finally popped the question, I have been so excited to plan our wedding.

When some people get engaged, they might wait a year or two, maybe to save up for the wedding or waiting until they are able to take the time off, anything, but if you have been engaged for more than 5 years, people can start to question why.

I completely understand if you are trying to save up money on a wedding, don’t get me wrong, but weddings are very expensive, but when people started to ask why, I think of many this person isn’t ready to make that commitment or they don’t want to make the plans of a wedding.

There could be so many reasons why. Some people get engaged or plan on getting married for the kids, which you shouldn’t do, you should marry because you love the person you are with.

I grew up in a home with my mother was always unhappy because she was married to my father. It took her 11 years to finally stand up and want to find happiness. My parents got divorced and my mother has been so much more joyful, that was almost 7 years ago. My mother felt that she had to stay because of the fact that she wanted to keep our family together.

She didn’t want us kids to grow up in a broken home, but she knew that she didn’t want us to grow up with parents who were happy, too. So she made a change. My mother married my father because, yes she was in love with him, but they also had me too. She married and stayed with my father because of us kids.

If you aren’t ready to take that next step to get married, then you should talk to your love one and talk about why you don’t want to get married. For me, I only want to get married once and I think a lot of people only want to get married once.

A lot of people are pressured into married their significant other because of family or friends. You shouldn’t marry anyone you know that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with. It should be because you are madly in love with your significant other, you love all their flaws and looks, but most of all, you see a future with them.

 

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Mom Talk: Teething

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Usually, I have been able to post a blog a day, but at the moment, my 6 month old is going through the favorite and fun stages of teething. So, I figured I talk about something that every mom has to go through with their kids.

Teething, is very frustrating for not just baby, but for mommy too. About a week ago, my daughter, she was on her normal schedule and was fine, chewing and putting everything in her mouth like a baby will do, but this week. She has been teething bad!

Because of the teething, it is throwing her way off schedule. She has been eating less and has been taking longer naps. I am one of those moms that has to have a schedule planned out, I have an app on my phone that helps me track her feeding, diapers, and sleep patterns.

It makes me nervous because she has had weight problems in the past, but the doctor says that it is totally normal for her to not eat as much because of teething. Since, her gums and jaw hurt a lot, its difficult for her to want to eat. Since I’m new to this stage, I freaked out.

And of course, I know what you are thinking. You asked Google, didn’t you? Yep. I did and it turns out other moms had the same issue when it come to teething. I was really relieved. Just reading about another mom struggle or freak out about a new stage and got help from other moms, it really helped me out.

But, this is only the beginning of teething. Here we go, just about two more years of this, until she’s got all of her teeth. So not ready for this, but at least I know that I am not the only one struggling on it.

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Mom Talk: Struggles With Weight Loss

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After you have a child, you still have the extra ‘baby fat’, as people would like to call it. But, for me, it’s completely different. I have struggled with weight loss for a very long time.

I’ve been considered ‘overweight’ ever since I was in middle school. I always got picked on and judged on how I looked that I never had any self esteem to get me motivated enough to really change.

I’ve been brought down by doctors, friends, and even some family, because of my weight. I’ve never really been motivate to find some exercise or a better diet that I feel comfortable changing or trying to do. I was one of those girls that would rather play video games than go outside.

High school, I grew to except it, but I wasn’t truly happy. I didn’t want to be thin like a toothpick. I wanted to lose the belly fat. The muffin top that made me feel like nothing would ever fit me because of it. I would change my clothes more than I could remember because I felt like I didn’t look good in them.

Until, I met my fiance. He made me fell like no matter what size I was, I was still beautiful. He helped me see past the muffin top. After having our daughter, I still have the muffin top. I’m a stay-at-home mom, it’s been difficult to do anything because I’m usually so tired in the morning and in the afternoon.

So I looked up what I could do to help me get rid of this muffin top, and keep it off, for good.

I looked up different exercises and challenges that I could try and I spotted the 30-Day Squat Challenge. I started it last Sunday, but I already notice a difference. My pants, that didn’t fit me, are slowly starting to fit me. I’m already starting to look a little smaller than I did.

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This is the Squat Challenge that I am doing. Just in case anyone is ready to make a change, just like I am.

I’m become proud of myself and excited that I’m finally doing, what took me years, to do. I want to feel what it’s like to be able to pick out clothes that actually fit, for once. I want people to notice me and not just my body size. I want to be able to love me for me.

I just started week 2 and I feel excited to do my squats every morning. I want to see if I can really finish this. I’m ready to make a change, a healthier change for not just my family, but for me.

 

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Mom Talk: When Do You Really Feel Ready For Another Child?

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I will always think of myself as a mom of two. Even thought, my son isn’t on this world, I always consider him, in anything. I hate having to explain to people why he isn’t here with us today.

After having our daughter, I thought that our family was complete. One boy and one girl. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, but its not like that. My fiance told me that he would like to have another child before our daughter turns two. He wants to try and hope that our next baby will be a boy.

To me, my daughter is all I really want, right now. But lately, I’ve started to change my mind. My daughter is growing up and it’s going by faster than I thought. She’s 6 months old and I already feel like her first birthday will be here before I know it.

Having another baby, will definitely keep me on my toes, but it would make our family whole again. Losing my son, I’m scared to have another baby because the next baby I have, might have the same thing my son did. Even thought it’s rare, I’ve talked to mothers who had it happen to them twice.

My fiance is basically ready to have another baby now, if I asked him. Me, I feel like I should wait until my daughter is a little older. Before you start thinking about having another baby, there are a lot of factors that you have to keep in mind.

  1. Finances: If you barely get by with having one child, a second one, might not be the best idea. You want to make sure you have the money to get the diapers, wipes, or even formula(if you are like me and can barely produce enough breast milk).
  2. Space: Right now, we are in a two bedroom trailer. Let’s face it, trailers are small and there is not a lot of room. Make sure that you have room for another baby because opposite genders can only stay in the same room until they are 4 or 5. If it’s the same gender, then you can just have your kids share a room.
  3. Daycare/Sitter: I’m lucky enough that my fiance and I don’t need to worry about daycare or a sitter, since I am a stay-at-home mom. Even if I was working, my fiance wouldn’t let me put any of our kids in daycare. Usually daycare is really pricey. Since I am a stay-at-home mom, I got offered to take care of another little girl come November. So, if you know someone that you can have watch your children, it would cost less than a daycare would.
  4. Emotionally: If you can handle the other one above, this one, is the most important. You have to be emotionally ready to have another baby. If you aren’t ready, you may just want to just take your time before you start trying. For me, it will always be a difficult time to prepare myself for another child, because of what I went through with my son.

If you ever think or feel that you aren’t ready, don’t feel pressured to do so. It’s not just your significant other’s choice, it’s also your choice. Talk to them and let them know that you aren’t ready for another one.

For me, I’m just dreading the conversation with my fiance, if and when he brings up when we should start trying, because I don’t want him to feel upset or hurt if I say ‘I’m not ready.’ My fiance is very understand and supported, he feels that he doesn’t want our daughter to be a only child. He wants them to have another sibling that they can go to high school together.

Always talk to your significant other, talking may not be the most fun thing to do, but it’s better to open up versus letting it all soak inside.

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Mom Talk: Doctor’s Appointments

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As a mom, we have to go to a lot of appointments for our kids. The most appointments you will ever go to with your child is when they are first born to a year old. Sometimes you have to go to extra appointments that isn’t to your doctors appointment.

About a week ago, we had to take my daughter to a heart doctor, because of our past with my son having HLHS. When she was first born, she had a hole in her heart that have not closed quite yet.

When we went to the appointment, I was a relieved mama. The hole had completely closed and they didn’t want to see her back until she was 2. Appointments, like these, always get me worried because you never know if anything scary or bad could happen.

Today, my daughter has her 6 month check up and shots. Usually, it’s a normal appointment. Except, my daughter is very long, she gets that from me, and the doctor sometimes makes us come back for a ‘weight check’. Personally, if my daughter is healthy and gaining weight, I don’t see any problem.

However, doctors go by percentages on what my daughter should be gaining every time they come in for a checkup. It drives me crazy because she is gaining what she is supposed to, but because she is so long, they make it a big deal and we have to come back and pull more money out of our pocket.

I know the doctors mean well and want to make sure that our daughter is healthy, but sometimes they should just go by percentages because all babies are different. Every baby is completely different from the next. I think doctors forget about that and that they should take that into consideration versus what the percentages are saying they should be at.

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Mom Talk: Making Time For You

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As a stay-at-home mom, I’m with my daughter 24/7. A lot of moms can’t do it because they want the social interaction. I’m one of those that if you don’t message me or call me, I rarely will text someone other than my mother or fiance.

Growing up, I never had many friends, especially now, I don’t even have a best friend, but I’m not sad anymore because she was very toxic to my life.

Anyway, I haven’t left my daughter with anyone or let her spend the night with any family members. My daughter is only 6 months old and I don’t feel comfortable enough for me to leave her with anyone yet.

It’s not that I don’t trust the family members that I would leave her with, its just some of them do not respect how I am raising my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, they mean well, but some of what they did when their kids were younger, is something that I wouldn’t do.

You are probably thinking in your head, ‘What do you do if you want some time for you if you don’t feel comfortable leaving your daughter with anyone?’. Well, what I do, is once my daughter is asleep, I’ll go out in my living room, listening it, if she screams. Either I will finish up cleaning up the house or I will relax by watching Netflix or playing video games.

Sometimes, I’ll crochet and knit or watch videos on YouTube. Or anything else that I will be able to relax, but that isn’t too loud to wake her up. Some days, I just want to read, but I usually start to fall asleep.

If you are one of those moms that can leave your children in the care of your family, they go get some time for you! Doing it every once in a while, is not bad to do, but if you are partying every night, just to escape to be a parent. If you do that, I’m not judging, but if your parting comes first, before your children, maybe you would’ve thought twice about having kids.

Us moms do need a break. I have one day that I have my fiance take care of our daughter, so that I can get stuff done or work on anything that needs to be worked on. It’s not bad to take a break, just don’t make it more important than your children.

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Mom Talk: Should Kids Do Chores?

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On Facebook, I saw this video that talked about how a mother post pictures of her children doing chores. A lot of people were bashing this mother because she was making her children, as one had said, ‘making them slaves’.

When I was growing up, we always did chores. As soon as we got able to start understanding things, my mom would have us learn to do the simple stuff like picking up our toys or taking our dirty clothes and putting them into a hamper.

To me, this was a learning experience. It showed me how responsible it was to do them. It wasn’t because my mother was lazy or she made us do them because we were her slaves. She showed us how to do this, so that one day we would be able to do it when we were on our own.

I used to complain about doing the dishes, when I was younger, but I should’ve just done them and not complained as much. Now, I have to do them all the time. I don’t have a dishwasher, so I have to hand wash everything, not just that, but my daughters bottles too.

I think that kids, nowadays, needs to be taught that not everything will be done for you because, one day, they will have to do it by themselves. I also think that we should teach our kids the value of money and show how to save or spend.

I want to show my kids that if you work hard, you can make your dreams come true. No matter what.

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Mom Talk: How To Deal With Unwanted Advice

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As a mom, you will get told by everyone how to care for your child. From your family to doctors to strangers. Even before the baby’s born, you will be told how to even talk care of yourself.

With my first pregnancy, I wasn’t as vocal as I wanted to be. I’ve always been a quiet ‘keep to myself kinda person.’ So, when I became pregnant with my son, I hear about how you shouldn’t do formula or you should use a diaper genie, list goes on.

My daughter, it was completely different. I put my foot down to a lot of stuff. I’m still trying to make sure that peoples advice, doesn’t change the way I want to raise my kids. Plus, we as moms, get judged on everything.

To me, I will take the advice into consideration, but if it’s something that I, as a parent, will not do to parent my child, then I speak up. Sometimes, I can’t speak up to a family member because I’m afraid of hurting their feelings, but I have learned that when it comes to you parenting your kids, the only feeling that matters is your kids and yours.

There are three ways you can handle unwanted advise:

  1. Ignoring¬† it – This is what I usually do, if a stranger were to approach me with unwanted advise. I usually will nod my head. Sometimes, I do it with family, its easier to do, if you don’t want to make a big deal out or you know it will turn into a giant fight, this would be your best go to.
  2. Speaking up, in a polite way – If you are a person that voices your opinion, but don’t want to offend anyone. This would be more towards close friends, maybe family. Telling them in a polite way, will make it seem not as harsh as bluntly coming out and telling them what is what.
  3. Bluntly telling them straight up – I only go this far, if I’m frustrated. If I have had a bad day and didn’t have any coffee, I snap. I usually will only snap at family, because they have been in my shoes. Plus they understand that they would rather me snap at them versus my kids.

There is one thing that we always need to keep in mind. How we parent our kids, may not be the same as other, but we should respect how others parent. The world we live in, there are too many people judging before they know the full story, but when it comes to advise, we need to handle it as we feel comfortable.

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Mom Talk: Should You Smoke Around Your Children?

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Back in the day, we didn’t know how bad smoking cigarettes can be. Now, you don’t see any commercials promoting cigarettes or tobacco. Still to this day, people still smoke cigarettes.

Had I smoked a cigarette before. Yes, but I didn’t smoke enough for me to become addicted to them. My fiance smokes and last year, he almost went an entire year without smoking, but unfortunately, he got back into the nasty habit.

Smoking is a very difficult thing to quit, but one thing that drives me nuts is parents who smoke around babies or children. I believe that a baby or a child shouldn’t be anywhere never or around cigarettes.

Some of you may think that its okay, just because you grew up in a time your parents smoked around you. It’s not. Second hand smoke is even worst then just smoking a cigarette. It’s even worst for babies or children to inhale it.

Even when you are in another room or holding up the cigarette away from the child, they can still inhale the second hand smoke. Especially in a car. Rolling down the windows WILL NOT prevent the smoke from getting to the child.

As a mother, who had a child with a heart condition, it’s even more fatal. I’m one of those moms that will not go into a house or car if it smells like cigarette smoke. I was never around it and I want my kids to not be around it.

I especially don’t want to hear or see my kids pretending or wanting to smoke a cigarette. I will teach my children that cigarettes are bad and that you shouldn’t be like someone just because the smoke cigarettes.

I believe that my children should be able to breathe in fresh clean air versus second hand smoke. I’ve lost family because of cigarettes, I don’t want to risk my children’s life just because someone has to have a habit that they started.

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Mom Talk: Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

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A lot of moms don’t have the pleasure to stay home with their children nowadays. Back then, the man of the house would work, while the woman stay home and take care of the kids and make sure the house is clean.

It’s not for everyone, being a stay-at-home mom. If you are like me, and don’t have a license, then you are very limited to where you can go. (I’m working on getting it now.) The only places I can really walk to are to my mother-in-law.

It can be depressing or you can lose your mind at times, believe me, but I always get out of the house, once a week. Just so I don’t lose my mind. At times, I feel overwhelm, but I just take a deep breath and count to ten and then get back to what I’m doing.

I’ll admit that I really only have patience for my kids, but when I am around other people’s children, I really try to not lose my cool.

You might be saying that I am a terrible person for saying that, but I may not be the only one who thinks this way. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children. I just don’t like how other people raise theirs, but I don’t say anything. I keep it to myself.

Anyway, the best part of staying home, is that I get to spend all day and every day with my daughter. I don’t get to miss out on her firsts of everything. The best part, my fiance makes enough for us to do it. He busts his ass everyday to make sure that I am able to do it.

Of course that wasn’t my original plan. I had a job, and ended up getting pregnant with our daughter. I planned to go back to work, after my maternity leave, but once my daughter was born, all I could think of was that I didn’t want to miss out on her growing up.

Plus, I didn’t want someone else to raise my daughter. I wanted to be the one to witness all of her firsts. My mother missed out on watching all three of us growing up. I didn’t want to miss out on anything.

I do have to say though, being a stay-at-home mom, was the best decision I made. Once I get my license, the door will open up for me and my family. We won’t have to depend on someone to take us to where ever we want to go, but we will be able to decide whether we want to leave or go.

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Mom Talk: Losing Friends

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A lot of things change once you have a baby. Not only does your life change, but sometimes your friends too. They might be excited when your pregnant, but once the baby is born and you don’t have time to spend with them, things changed.

You might even drop some friends in the process. Not because they weren’t good friends, but maybe you were more mature and didn’t want to deal with their drama?

That’s how it was for me.

I have kept so many people in my life, that caused me so much drama and problems, but I should’ve been clearing them from my life and focusing what would be best for my family.

Today, I cleaned the list up, the one person I first called my ‘best friend’. I’ve known her since 8th grade. We went to high school together, had lunch together, but didn’t hang out as much like we should’ve.

We both have been through enough, but I was always there for her. As time went on, I knew that everything I was telling her, my opinion or suggestions, was going out the window. Then I realized that this was who she was:

She was unwanted drama.

Everything that I had tried to help her on, always became into drama. Now, I’m not the friend who tells you what you want to hear, I tell you what I think. She didn’t like it, but knows how blunt I can be.

After all the drama that she’s caused, I had to drop her. I sent her one last messaged and blocked her from everything. She was the only real friend I had in high school, but it was time to grow up and move on. So that’s what I did.

I was getting to mature to deal with all the ‘high school’ drama that she was starting. One after another, I was overwhelmed with drama. Not mine, with hers. I did it because I thought it was best for me.

Sometimes you have to do something you really don’t want to do, but once you have a family, you have to answer the one question that you will answer over and over again:

What is best for my family?

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I chose to do what is best. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. It was what was best for my little family.

‘A friend can always be replaced, but family is irreplaceable.’ – Unknown