Tag: mother

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Depression As A Mom

Posted on by Katie Night

Image result for depression

A lot of people think that having a baby will bring you joy and happiness for your family. Which is does, but a lot of people don’t understand that there is a lot going on then just taking care of a baby.

I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. It’s been a long rocky-road for me. Sometimes, I just wish that I could just be happy, but having depression, makes you want to do nothing. Be nothing. You are always sad inside and no one will really know unless you talk to them about it.

When you have a baby, after the baby is born, some mom struggle with, what it is called, ‘baby blues’. It usually happens to a lot of moms within the first month of their baby being born. That’s why a lot of OBGYN’s ask you about ‘baby blues’, at your 6 week post-postpartum check up. They want to make sure that you and the baby are in good hands.

As a mom who has already lost a child and just had another one, it’s really difficult for me to watch my daughter grow because my son died when he was only a month old. It’s started to hit me a few days ago, that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of blogging going on.

Not just with the depression, stress and other issues are also on my mind. It makes it worse, especially when you have a little one that needs you every waking minute. There are days that I don’t want to get up, but my daughter gives me the kick that I need to get up and go on with my life.

It makes me sad that I can’t see my son reach the milestones that my daughter is, but she gives me a sense of hope. Just because I lost my son, I can’t get up on the fact that he’s gone. I always know that he will always watch over my daughter and any future children that I may have.

Before you say that a newly mother can’t be depressed, think about this. Have you ever had a child? Have you ever thought of the crying to never end? Have you ever go nuts, in your mind, because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

I give praises to newly mothers, especially ones that have babies or children with birth defects. I also want to praise all the mothers that try their best, when they think their best isn’t good enough.

You moms are doing amazing!

It’s good to hear a good thing or too. To me, it makes me feel inspired and more confident to shoot for the stars.

But the one thing that I always do, when I’m feeling depressed or down, I talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or my fiance. I talk to someone. I rather people know what’s going on, versus keeping it all locked inside. As much as I sometimes would rather not talk to anyone, I know that I should.

If you are a mom, who’s struggling with depression or ‘baby blues’, talk to someone or talk to your doctor, they can give you some medication that will make it easier for you to handle. As much as some people don’t like taking medications, I am one of those people, it does work.

I am always an open ear. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, go to my Contact page and send me a message. It’s better to open up to someone, rather than no one.

To all those moms, you keep doing what you are doing, better days are sure to come.

*If you really need help and need to talk to someone or a medical professionally, click on the link below. It gives a list of hotlines and explains depression in depth. The hotline is there and is completely anonymous.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/

Posted in Mom Talk

How to Deal With Family Drama (Mom Talk)

Posted on by Katie Night

Whenever I hear the term “drama”, it immediately makes me think of high school. I honestly thought that drama would be out of my life for good after I graduated high school, boy was I wrong.

There is drama almost everywhere you look. Whether its at work, social media, or family, its bound to happen at some point. The best kind of drama is when its not happening to you. However, it is very difficult to avoid or stay away from since not everyone is going to agree with you.

Family drama can cause issues and damage, depending what the issue is at hand, it might cause some to avoid or even go low contact with other family members. Like for example, I don’t talk to my father, he did a lot of bad stuff in the past that I don’t want my children around him at all. It was a decision I made for my children and myself.

Because of this, it has caused issues for other family members, which I don’t care anymore. Some people think I should forgive him and others agree with my decision and respect me more that I don’t want my children around toxic people like that.

As a parent, you’ll always have to deal with drama, whether it’s family or in-laws. You tend to deal with more if you are co-parenting. The best advise for that drama is to remain civil the best you can. I think of it as getting along for my daughter’s sake since I would rather get along versus have my daughter stress over her parents fighting.

A lot of people, like myself, will tend to not say what’s on my mind, especially to people I know can get very emotional and take to heart. I don’t do it because I have no back bone, I do it because it keeps the peace and its not something I have to stress about it.

Over time, I’ve realized that I am a recovering people pleaser which I’m trying my best to stop doing that. Its hard, especially if you are like me and want to make sure everyone gets along. (You can tell that I’m a Libra!)

Here are the top suggestions for trying to avoid the unwanted family drama:

  1. Set Clear Boundaries – I have struggled with this one, a lot. Looking back, I wish I was more clear on what my boundaries were when it came to A LOT of things, but the past is in the past. Setting boundaries lets the other party know that this is the line and don’t go past it, but in a kind way.
  2. COMMUNICATE – Communicate is key to any relationship! Whether it’s family, your co-parent, friends, neighbors, etc. You need to communicate directly. In a nice way, or in a way that can help you get the other party to understand.
  3. Don’t Gossip – I know this is hard for ANYONE to do, especially when its family. When its family, its kinda hard NOT to gossip because if you don’t hear about it at all, you’ll find out or hear others gossiping about it at the family reunion or holidays. Not gossiping can help with the spread of miscommunicate. Which can have a snowball effect on its own.
  4. Find out what triggers others to react – Especially when you are telling someone boundaries, before you react, think about what tone or words will trigger this person so that you can avoid a blowup. Before you react, count to 3 and take a deep breathe. I do this especially because I’ve react before thinking about how to say something and it doesn’t go well.

These are a few things that can help you, but don’t be upset if they don’t work. There are special cases where NOTHING works and you are stuck with trying to please a person who cannot be pleased.

One thing that helps me, is journaling. Looking back at how I felt in that moment and trying to understand how I could handle the situation differently. If its something I really don’t want to remember, I’ll rip it up or burn it and its like a sense of relief off my shoulders.

What are the best ways you have handled family drama?

Posted in Mom Talk

How To Deal With Unwanted Advice (Mom Talk)

Posted on by Katie Night

Once you find out your expecting your first child, its an amazing feeling! Your excited to experience being pregnant and feeling your child grow to giving birth and watching them grow. However, the moment you get pregnant, the unwanted advise will start to kick in.

Some people are very genuine, but there are others that will pull the whole, “When I was pregnant,” or “I raise my kids this way.”  It can be very overwhelming and it does make you very cautious about how you will raise your kids because you’ll feel like you need to raise your kids the way they are telling you.

Best part, you don’t NEED to take their advise.

I would nod and thank them anyway. I was always raised to be kind and respectful to my elders or anyone in general. I would say usually, “Thank you for the advise, I’ll keep that in mind.” Saying something as simple as that is sweet and perfect to use.

As a mom, you will get told by everyone how to care for your child. From your family to doctors to strangers. Even before the baby’s born, you will be told how to even take care of yourself.

What’s important is what’s best for YOU. If you aren’t sure about something, whether when you are pregnant or kids, ask your provider, they would know what is best. Of course you can always go to your mom, but if you really are unsure, going to a professional would be the best advise that you can get.

When I was first pregnant with my son, I wasn’t as vocal as I wanted to be. It was all new, exciting, and I was scared shitless. I was worrying about all the wrong things that could happen with the pregnancy, especially with it being my first. I was even more overwhelmed when I found out my son was going to have a heart condition.

Even when they knew about his heart condition, I still got the unwanted advise. I don’t think many people understood that with his heart condition, it was all together going to be a different situation. I just kept to myself and thanked them anyway since I was more worried about if my son was going to make it.

My daughter, it was completely different. I put my foot down to a lot of stuff. I’m still trying to make sure that peoples advice doesn’t change the way I want to raise my kids. Plus, we as moms, get judged on everything.

With my more recent daughter, I did get some advise, but honestly I did take most of it in consideration since there has been a huge gap between my oldest daughter, to my youngest and there had been a lot of changes since she was little.

To me, I will take the advice into consideration, but if it’s something that I, as a parent, will not do to parent my child, then I speak up. Sometimes, I can’t speak up to others about this because I’m afraid of hurting their feelings, but I have learned that when it comes to you parenting your kids, the only feeling that matters is your kids and yours.

There are three ways you can handle unwanted advise:

  1. Ignoring  it – This is what I usually do, if a stranger were to approach me with unwanted advise. I usually will nod my head. Sometimes, I do it with family, its easier to do, if you don’t want to make a big deal out or you know it will turn into a giant fight, this would be your best go to.
  2. Speaking up, in a polite way – If you are a person that voices your opinion, but don’t want to offend anyone. This would be more towards close friends, maybe family. Telling them in a polite way, will make it seem not as harsh as bluntly coming out and telling them what is what.
  3. Bluntly telling them straight up – I only go this far, if I’m frustrated. If I have had a bad day and didn’t have any coffee, I snap. I usually will only snap at family, because they have been in my shoes. Plus they understand that they would rather me snap at them versus my kids.

There is one thing that we always need to keep in mind. How we parent our kids, may not be the same as other, but we should respect how others parent. The world we live in now, there are too many people judging before they know the full story, but when it comes to advise, we need to handle it as we feel comfortable.

Posted in Mom Talk

Why You Shouldn’t Smoke Around Your Children (Mom Talk)

Posted on by Katie Night

Back in the day, we didn’t know how bad smoking cigarettes can be. Now, you don’t see any commercials promoting cigarettes or tobacco. If you do, its very rare to see an add for cigarettes. No matter how much people hate it, there are people who still smoke today and I don’t think it will go away anytime soon.

I’ll admit, I have tried a cigarette a few times, but thankfully it wasn’t something I got addicted to. It also helped that most of my family didn’t smoke around us either, which made me grateful I didn’t get into that. I’m actually shocked that I didn’t start smoking when I was living with my ex, who ask smoked as well as his family.

Even though I have never became addicted to it, I could see how difficult it is to try and quit. I watched my ex tried to quit, but would always cave when his family was around because they still smoked. He almost had quit for a full year before our daughter was born to then give it up the day after we had her.

Back in the day, people were smoking all the time with kids around. In public places or in their own homes. No one realized the dangers until more research was done to show and prove that they can kill you faster than eating fast food every day. They also found out that second hand smoke was just as bad as smoking the cigarette.

Which is why I will keep my kids away from cigarette smoke as much as I can. Smoking is a bad habit, but you shouldn’t make others or your children have to deal with your habit. I know so many people I went to high school where if they lived in a household where their parents smoked, 9 times out of 10, I saw them pick up the same habit.

Even when you are in another room or holding up the cigarette away from the child, they can still inhale the second hand smoke. Especially in a car. Rolling down the windows WILL NOT prevent the smoke from getting to the child. Thankfully in Maine, you can get fined for smoking in the car with any minor under 15 or 16.

As a mother, who had a child with a heart condition, it’s even more fatal. I’m one of those moms that will not go into a house or car if it smells like cigarette smoke. I was never around it and I want my kids to not be around it.

I will be making sure that my kids don’t get into that awful habit. My daughter knows whenever she sees a cigarette to think of it as a ‘cancer stick’. Since one of the possibilities with smoking can be getting cancer from it.

I’ve lost family members because of their smoking habits, I don’t want to risk my children’s life just because someone needs to have a cigarette.

Posted in Mom Talk

Being a Stay-At-Home Mom (Mom Talk)

Posted on by Katie Night

Image result for stay at home mom

A lot of moms don’t have the pleasure to stay home with their children nowadays. In order just to live, you need both parents income and even that can barely keep you afloat. Even then its still a struggle to afford daycare on top of all the other bills as well.

Back in the day, the husband would be out working, while the wife stayed home to care for the kids, keeping the house clean and in order, and as well as making sure that there was a cooked meal ready for when the husband got home.

Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for everyone. I honestly never really thought about being a stay-at-home mom much until after I had lost my son and got pregnant with my daughter that I didn’t want to miss out on her growing up and reaching milestones that I would never get to experience with my son.

After I had her, I knew I would have a very difficult time leaving her when I had to go back to work. So, her father and I decided that being a stay-at-home mom would be the best thing for not only me, but it would save us on having to pay for childcare as well.

At the time, I didn’t have my license and the only places I could walk were just to my mother-in-laws, which I didn’t do much because we lived on a very busy street. Not to mention, I was living in a trailer park that also wasn’t close to any store at all either.

We did have a mini backyard that I had a swing that I could go out on, which was nice to have, but I felt very alone during the day and even more at night. Since my daughters father worked night shift, I barely had time with him during the day before he had to leave for work.

I did feel very alone, even though I was with my daughter, I felt so alone. The social interaction I would get from her father, was more of what bills need to be paid, what groceries we needed, and what we were going to do the weekend. I felt like I was on zombie mode.

Which is why I started to get into blogging more and even had a pen pal that I would e-mail just to stay sane. Sure, I had my family I could call and text, which I did often, but they didn’t really understand what struggles a stay-at-home mom can go through.

I become very depressed after the 2nd year of being a stay-at-home mom. I loved being able to spend time with my daughter and watching her grow up and learn new things, but I also hated being stuck and alone most of the day.

Thankfully, I did manage to get out at least once a week when my mom would come on Sundays. We would do our usual visit to see my great-grandmother or do something fun for the day either visiting family or shopping or just getting out of the house.

The sad part was, the moment I got home, I was alone again.

My depression got so bad to a point that I didn’t think I’d ever get to the point of not being here. However, the voice in my head kept telling me, “your daughter needs you.” That was the thing that kept me going, but it also terrified me of how she would have to cope if I went through with it.

Thankfully, my mom helped me get myself out of the tunnel of darkness and back on my feet. After the 3rd year of being a stay-at-home mom, I got a job and started working again.

After that, I moved in with her, got my license, bought my first car, and worked on myself within the first 6 months of leaving my ex. As much as I loved spending all the time in the world with my daughter, I was slowly losing myself.

I never regret being a stay-at-home mom because my daughter and I had lots of fun and she always made me smile, especially on my bad days. If I had to go back and do it again, I think I would, but I would find a remote job so that I didn’t loose my mind completely.

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard, but the memories and watching your child grow up and hit milestones, is priceless. I really wish we didn’t live the way that we did so that more mother’s could experience it for themselves for at least the first year.

I wish I did that with my youngest daughter that I had back in February of this year, but with how my current living situation is, it would be difficult to do. I did take a longer maternity leave with this one, but ended up going back to work shortly after.

Overall, choosing to be a stay-at-home mom has is ups and downs, however, it is up to you to see if that lifestyle is something for you. After being back in the workforce, I personally wouldn’t be able to do it again, unless I was working from home.