Posted in Writing Works

The Art of Love (Friday’s Short Stories)

The Art of Love

Hey Dearies! I know this one is a little late, but I wanted to make sure I took a little extra time on this one. It’s not exactly like the prompt, but I did add in a little twist of it. 

Two dirt-poor art students survive by sharing a nasty little apartment above a bodega. They struggle through four years, barely making ends meet, comforting one another through tragedies and triumph, but never openly admit how they feel about each other…until they graduate, and one of them gets a job in another city. Is it too late to confess their love?

Living in New York City wasn’t easy, let alone being a paint. Jackie Brown wanted to see her name on every billboard, street store, and all over New York. Since she was 3, that was always her dream.

Her father was a famous painter himself, as so as her mother. Once they had her, Jackie’s mother felt that her child was holding her back from becoming famous and so let Jackie and her husband to New York.

Last time Jackie saw her mother, was 10 years ago. Now, she was 23, fresh from college and off to make her hobby into her dream, however, New York was expensive. Jackie’s father wanted to come with her, to make sure her dreams really did come true, but Jackie didn’t want her father to help her on that journey.

She wanted this one by herself.

After being in New York for a few days, she managed to find a place for her to stay in. Kenny Hunt was her only available option, especially with money being so tight, she didn’t want to be left on the streets.

Climbing up to the 3rd floor, onto an old book store, she knocked onto the door, with the faded ‘3C’ that sat on an old wooden door. After a minute or two, the door finally opened with Kenny behind it.

“Jackie, right?” He asked.

“Yes.” She nodded, giving him a soft smile as he opened the door more for her to come in. “Thank you again for this.”

She turned to face him, looking at his dirty blond hair and bright blue eyes. As she gazed into his eyes, he looked like he was hurt inside, like someone has ripped his heart out from his body and stuffed it in a trash can.

Kenny turned away, walking back to his canvas, ignoring her. As she looked around, she notices this was a very old room, it was a room that didn’t look like it was used for sleeping at all. The wide-open space had faded, cracked dark wooden floors. The paint used for the walls was faded and looked like there once were mirrors that inclosed the place.

As she turned to her left, there was a mini hall, looked like there were a few other rooms and hopefully a bathroom. Behind her was a stove, sink, and fridge that looked out of place from this room, but more than an old dance studio was out of place for any of this.

She didn’t see any mattresses or beds for her, in the opened space. Instead, the opened spaces were covered with canvases, paint, and brushes. It was like heaven to Jackie, making this choice the best one she had made for herself.

“Where can I put my stuff?” She asked, as his blue eyes looked up from the canvas.

“Down the hall to the right. Just don’t go into my room.” Kenny snapped as he went back to painting. Jackie was curious to know what he was painted but instead went to put her stuff away.

After being there for a few weeks, Jackie got herself comfortable, but Kenny seemed to rather ignore her. She had tried to work up the courage to place an empty canvas on one of the many empty easels, but hadn’t.

Brushstroke after brushstroke, she watched him from afar, not wanting her to see her eyes on him, she watched him move the brush back and forth like it was a dance he knew how to dance. Not to mention she couldn’t help but notice his arms had a few tattoos, but the one that caught her eye the most was the tree tattoo inside his left arm.

She wanted to ask him about it, it was the only one that she had noticed that was fairly new to his body, as the other tattoos he had were more faded. It took her a minute to realize that the tattoo was the tree from Lord of the Rings.

She got up and walked out of her room and slowly approached Kenny. He looked up for a second but turned away back to his piece. As she got closer, she noticed that his painting wasn’t of any object or item, that she thought it was, it was simply a mess of different colors of blacks and greys.

It was different from what her parents have painted before, but they were more into landscapes, such as mountains, hills, forests, and lakes. This was solid, but it spoke to her that something in his past had made him paint this way.

“What?” Kenny snapped, jumping Jackie, as she was zoned into his piece, rather than him.

“I-I was wondering if could use that spare easel?” She spoke nervously, she wanted to ask about his tree tattoo, but she had forgotten it, getting lost in his eyes.

Kenny changed his emotion, looked rather more confused like he didn’t think she would ask something from him so bold. “You paint too?” He asked as she nodded.

“I do, my parents do, too.” She said as he looked at her.

“Go for it.” He said, going back to his easel. Jackie was so enlightened that she ran to grab her supplies and set them up next to the easel.

Over the next couple of months, the started to bond over their love of painting and art. As much as they wanted to spend all of their time painting, Kenny had a part-time job down at the book store and Jackie had just gotten a job as a florist, that was also down the street.

Jackie had just finished her latest creation, it was of a couple, standing in the middle of the rain, sharing a deep kiss, with the background having rainfall underneath them all, not giving a care in the world as to what would happen.

It reminded her of her last love, that were that couple she painted. He had her heart, but she didn’t want it. She had gotten pregnant, but ended up losing the baby, which changed their relationship although. He wanted to settle down and build a giant family, as Jackie just wanted to paint and when she was ready, start a family.

That was their last kiss goodbye. They didn’t want to hold each other back and wanted to have one last kiss before they moved onto different lifestyles. Hence, why she wanted to leave New York.

Kenny came over, as she signed off of her painting. “Incredible, really.” He touched her shoulder as she watched him look into every detail she put into the painting. “What are going to call it?”

Jackie took a minute to think about it, coming up with the titles of her paintings was harder than it was for her parents. “Not sure yet.” Still admiring her work.

She glanced at Kenny’s easel, he had just a blank canvas, naked, as Jackie liked to call it. Ever since she started to paint in the same room as him, his painting has changed from dark and depression, to more artistic and creative, making them more appealing to the eye.

Her heart fluttered each time he would come up to her and watched her paint, as she would do the same. She had tried to open him and get him to talk to her, but he was a locked door, not letting anyone in.

That all changed. Jackie was working at her job when she got a phone call from the office from her mother. She wanted to let her know she was dying from cancer. That was the real reason why she left in the first place, she didn’t want Jackie to see her.

Jackie’s heart dropped as she got off the phone, it all made sense, she wondered why her father was always upset and depressed, but she thought it was because her mother had left, choosing her work over the family when really she was getting treatment for her breast cancer.

After work, when she got home, she didn’t say anything to Kenny, as he watched as she sadly went into her bedroom. She wasn’t in the mood to talk, didn’t even feel like painting, which was a first for her because she had always loved to paint.

“Jackie?” Kenny called out, but there was no reply from her, he didn’t want to intrude. It made him worry about her. Her happy self was what was keeping him inspired to paint masterpieces ever since his little sister had passed away.

Instead of answering Kenny, she curled herself up in a ball on her mattress and started to cry. There was nothing she could do, but felt like she needed to do something. She wanted to go to her happy place, but painting sounded so foreign to her.

She felt Kenny’s eyes on her like he was drilling a laser into her head. As much as she wanted Kenny’s attention, there was something more that she wanted. A distraction.

Siting up from her bed, she looked over at Kenny, as he sat on the bed beside her, gazing at his blue eyes, but her eyes wandered to his lips. “Is everything okay?” He asked, but instead of answering him, she leaned into his faces and pressed her lips against his.

Kenny froze for a second, not realizing that her lips were upon his, he didn’t know how to react, but before he could embrace the kiss, she had pulled away. Kenny’s mind was questioning if he should kiss her back or leave the room awkwardly.

Jackie looked back at him, waiting for his response, but his face looked confused. Did she kiss him wrong? She thought, but maybe it was too sudden for him, she thought again.

Until he caught her off guard and very slowly placed his lips together with hers.

She was lost into the moment, embracing Kenny’s warmth that she so craved, however, instead of taking their clothes off to get further lost into each other’s arms, they both laid down on her bed, and had him embrace her, snuggling up close together and making her feel something that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Safe.

As he brushed a strand of hair from her face, she finally spoke, telling him about her mother and her condiction.

“Go to her, you should spend your last moments together,” Kenny spoke, as much as it killed him to see her go, not knowing how long she would be gone for or if she would ever come back, he didn’t want to miss out on those final moments that he did with his sister.

“I can’t, I don’t have the money,” Jackie said as he understood her situation, he was in the same boat, being an inspiring artist wasn’t easy. He had been doing odd jobs, just to save up for an apartment, but it was never enough.

 

The next morning, Jackie was left alone in her bed, Kenny had stayed with her all night long, just to make sure she was okay, but he wasn’t next to her. She got up and started getting ready for the day, when she saw a note on the fridge, with enough money to get her to see her mother and possibly come back.

‘Don’t miss another moment away from your mother. You’ll regret it in the end.’ – Kenny

She smiled, as he was right. Quickly, she packed a few things and took the train to the other side of town, trying to make sure she was able to get to the hospital in time. Once she arrived, she was greeted by her father.

He hugged her tightly in his arms. “I missed you, buttercup.” He said, calling her by her childhood nickname. He started calling her that when she picked out some flowers from their garden and they happened to be buttercups.

Jackie didn’t want to let go from her father’s embrace, but slowly turned to look into the small hospital room, she could see her mother, looking pain and cold.

Her eyes started to water as he came closer to her mother’s bed, she was still alive but looked like she was barely holding on. “Mommy?” She spoke, making her mother awake and open her eyes to see her daughter.

Jackie came closer to her mother and hugged her tightly as she could, she was so weak, but was glad her daughter was sitting next to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Her mother spoke, as she held onto Jackie’s hand.

“Don’t worry about it, what matters is that I’m here for you,” Jackie said, kissing her mother’s hand and wiping her tears.

Jackie shared everything that was going on in her life, now. She even talked about Kenny, to her surprise, her mother said that he would be perfect for her. They played a few games, up until her mother was too weak to do so.

She died 2 months later after their last game of Uno. The last thing Jackie told her was to never give on chasing your dreams. Jackie knew she would never forget, but it made her think about Kenny. He was her new dream now, she needed to share her life with someone and he was perfect for her.

After the funeral, she said her last goodbyes to her father and headed back on the train, even though her mother had passed, she was wanting to get back to Kenny and to tell him how she felt about him.

Going up to their apartment, she was worried that he wouldn’t want to talk to her, after taking the money he gave to her to see her dying mother, but maybe he would. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, watching Kenny stand in the middle of the studio, painting, he almost dropped his paintbrush when he saw her.

Jackie dropped her bag, and ran to him, embracing into his arms, not caring if he was covered in paint or not. She looked into his eyes and the waterworks just came down. He understood her pain as to lose something, but kept her in his arms.

“I missed you so much, Jackie. You have no idea.” He said, looking into Jackies eyes, wiping away the tears from her face, as he turned to face her to all the work he had done when she was gone. It was all pictures of her.

One of them was when she was puzzled on painting and ended up getting paint on her face. Another was of her dancing. The more she kept looking at the paintings, she realized that he returned the feelings for her, but there was one painting that caught her eye.

It was a painting of them, laying on her bed together, after their first kiss and how she told him about her mother. She didn’t know how he did it, but it was perfect. “I love this one,” Jackie said as Kenny came closer.

“Not as much as I love you,” Kenny spoke as Jackie stared at him in amazement. “I understand if you don’t return the feelings, but I do love you and I just needed to tell you.”

Jackie then pressed her lips against his, embracing his presence and telling him that she accepted his feelings for her. She pulled away, leaning their foreheads together as she smiled. “I love you too.”


Let me know in the comments of what you thought about this short story! These will be posted every Friday and if you have a prompt or idea that you would like me to try out, let me know in the comments! 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Fear Of Losing All Your Adult Teeth

Okay, so this is something that really isn’t talked about, but I figured I would brush on it because it has always been a fear of losing an adult tooth. The real why I’m talking about it is because I’m not the only one who fears of losing their teeth.

When you are little, losing teeth was exciting because we would always get a visit from the tooth fairy that took our teeth and replaced us with money, but when you become an adult, losing an adult tooth can cause more anxiety, fear, and panic, especially if you don’t have any control over it.

losing-teeth

The real reason why I’m bringing this topic up because a few months ago, I was, still am, freaking out over my teeth. One of my top front teeth was loose, just a little bit, but any adult tooth that moves, to me, it’s gonna fall out. I when to the dentist and they told me to take it easy and not bite into anything hard.

To me, my mind was racing everywhere, my anxiety was making me think that I was gonna lose it, I’m gonna have to get an implant or worse, they’ll pull all my teeth out and I’ll have to get dentures. Not to mention, the big key factor, it’s gonna cost money that I don’t have for it.

You are probably laughing about it, but you don’t understand, this is how my anxiety is.

With that being said, I started to do what you shouldn’t do when your anxiety is as bad as mine is. Google.

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I was searching for everything from bad gum disease to implants to getting dentures. Not to mention, I started watching videos about everyday people who have had dentures since they were young.

It was bad, I couldn’t sleep a few nights because of my research.

Anyway, let’s get back to what happened when I felt that my tooth was moving. I was flossing and sometimes, my gums bleed if I floss too hard, not to mention that I haven’t been to the dentist in almost 2 years because I couldn’t afford it. So, I freaked out.

I tried to have breakfast and couldn’t finish it because I thought I felt my top tooth move, so I called my dentist and they scheduled me to come in right away. So, I went in and they took a look at the tooth and did confirm that I wasn’t nuts and it was moving slightly, keyword slightly.

Not to mention, I’m 22 and I STILL have my wisdom teeth in, they told me I needed to go get those pulled. They don’t bother me, but up until now, they are starting to push my teeth together, not to mention if I’m getting one pulled, you might as well get them all pulled.

With that being said, I’ve been brushing, flossing, and mouth rising like it is a religion because I’m afraid to have dentures.

But why are we so afraid to get dentures? Well, because we think it’s for old people, which you aren’t wrong, but there are young people who have them as well. The youngest person to ever wear dentures is 3 years old.

That’s crazy, but depending on what their genetics are, it can force you to be without your teeth. If you go on Youtube, you’ll find lots of people, young and old people, who had dentures and how they are trying to make it so it isn’t just for ‘older’ folks.

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Some of them even have dental implants, which can cost a fortune, just to get them. Hearing their stories and what they struggled with losing their teeth, especially at a young age, makes me inspired. Not to mention, it won’t make me feel alone because there are people at my age that have fake teeth.

It’s something no one should be ashamed about, but instead, embrace it.

Especially since I’ve had 2 children and pregnancy can do a HUGE number onto your teeth. So, if it happens to me, it happens. Seeing those videos and reading about these people that have dentures or fake teeth, relaxes me in a way and it lets you know that you aren’t alone.

Do you have fears that your teeth are going to fall out? Leave a comment down below, I would love to know that I’m not the only one that has a fear about it.

Posted in Unforgotten

Unforgotten – Chapter 7

If you haven’t read Chapter 6, here is the link:

https://katiesblog96971617.com/2019/02/18/unforgotten-chapter-6/

Athena’s P.O.V.
“Here we are.” My father said as I held my brother’s hand and Ricky’s hand tight. We were finally here. We were finally going to meet our Aunt Marie. The building in front of us was a cute cottage, with a dirt pathway and a bridge to cross before reaching another pathway.
It was beautiful, especially with the sun setting behind it. Something to me felt different. It was like I could feel the elements. Maybe I was just thinking too hard?
“I don’t think this is a good idea, Tanner.” My mother said as he turned to her.
“We will all be fine.” My father pulled something out of his pocket, a bag with a bunch of bracelets. “Put these on. These have vervain in them. It is a type of plant that burns vampires and makes sure that they can’t control you with their powers.”
We all took one and placed them on our wrists. They smelled different from what I have ever smelled. A mix of lavender, mint and rose. I love this smell, but does it really work?
I started to walk towards the cottage, beside my father and brother. The others followed behind us. My father wanted us to stop in front of the steps before we came to the door. I felt Ricky’s hand held mine.
Before my father could knock on the door, the door flew open. A pain woman with dark blue hair came into sight. “Tanner!” She shouted as he hugged her tight. “Ow!” She said, as my father’s bracelet touched her skin. So it really did work.
She looked behind my father and saw everyone else. “Are those,” She looked like she was going to cry.
“Yes, these are your nephew and niece. Logan and Athena.”
“You don’t know how much I have wanted to meet you both. I’m your Aunt Marie.” She spoke as I came to her and hugged her. Logan joined in as we hugged her both. She looks back up to Ricky, his mother, and our mom as she smiled. “Jade, so good to see you.” My mother nodded as I saw my Aunt Marie’s eyes lingered to Ricky.
“I’m so sorry.” She said, looking directly to Ricky. Why was she saying sorry to him? Her eyes turned back to Tanner. “You aren’t here to watch me die, are you?” She questioned.
My father stayed silent. “We talk about this later, Tanner. Why do you all come in, don’t worry, I don’t bite.” She smirked as my father rolled his eyes. As we walked in, there was another man sitting at the piano. His eyes fell on me.
“Jade?” He spoke as he didn’t lose his eye contact with me. I blinked and he was right in front of me. I felt my heart pumping faster. He grazed his hand against my cheek before my mother spoke.
“James? Is it really you?” She spoke and his eye contact looked up at her. He hugged her tightly. So, that was James. “I missed you so much! I thought you were dead!” My mother pulled away and slapped him in the face.
“It’s a long story.” He spoke as he looked up at Tanner. “Thank you.”
“No, problem. I figured it was time for her to see an old friend.” Our father walked over to Logan and me, his hands on each of our shoulders. “James, meet Logan and Athena, our children.” James turned his look to me.
“Athena, you look exactly like your mother did when she was your age.” James spoke. Ricky coughed and my eyes turned to him. I noticed that James turned to him as well. He looked like he had angry in his eyes when he turned to look at Ricky’s mother. “Don’t tell me you brought him here for the reason I think.”
“No, we came with them because Ricky wants to meet his father. I don’t have any attention to have you do such a thing to my son.” She spoke, giving James a hug.
Aunt Marie came back into the living room and smiled. “Why don’t we all relax and catch up for a bit. I’ll be making supper for you all.”
“I thought you guys don’t eat what we eat.” Logan bluntly asked. Aunt Marie laughed.
“We don’t, but doesn’t mean we can’t. We just don’t taste it.” She explained as Ricky came up to Aunt Marie, whispering something to him that I couldn’t make out. Her eyes got big for a moment before looking back at me.
What was Ricky hiding from me? As he walked away with Aunt Marie in another room.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Ricky’s P.O.V.
I walked over to Marie, as she finished speaking to Logan on the question he asked. She smiled when I came closer. “I need to talk to you about something.” I whispered, making sure no one else heard me. I then slowly showed her the necklace, that the woman in my dream gave me.
“Follow me.” She whispers back. “James, can you start boiling the water for me?” She spoke as James nodded. She then led me upstairs, to the two doors to the right, a door that looked different from the others. Black and locked. She unlocked it and opened it, nodding her head for me to get in.
As I walked in, the room was something that I never thought I would see again. The tiles were dark blue and the walls were wallpapered over with dark trees and leaves, so wasn’t the ceiling. There were plants right in front of the windows, with a heating element on top of them.
A couch and coffee table that sat in the middle of the room. A black pot, that was over the fireplace, that sat releasing stem. She motioned her hand for me to sit on the couch, she sat across in a chair that could almost pass as a throne.
I then pulled out the necklace and handed it to her. “Where did you get this? I haven’t seen this since my grandmother passed away.”
“I had a dream last night. A woman in a cloak came to me saying to give this to you. She said that Athena is the one who can create the cure for vampirism.” I said coughing. Marie handed me a tissue. “Thank you. She said that if Athena doesn’t create the potion, something dangerous will happen.”
“I know what she is talking about,” Marie said, standing up and lighting a few more candles. “Before I became a vampire, I was a true witch. My grandmother taught me all that I needed to know, but she placed the wrong curse on me. I were to have to have a baby with my true love in the next 8 full moons, but my true love was a vampire and so that’s when I started working on a cure for vampires.”
“Why did you turn?” I asked as she started to pour two cups of tea and placed them on the coffee table.
“I had no other choice. I miss calculated on how much time I had and Tanner begged my vampire lover to change me, so I could live longer and be able to see his kids grow up. When that happened, the spirits in my soul took all of my magic. I tried to get them to let me have it back, but because I was not alive, they didn’t want to me to lose control.”
“I know this might be a little personal, but what happened to your true love?” I asked and then took a sip of the tea that was in front of me. I felt stronger than before. “What’s in this?”
Marie chuckled and smiled. “It’s a type of tea I have created for sick people. I actually have Tanner sell it. It doesn’t heel your cancer, but it will keep you from feeling so sick and weak. Especially, when you deflower my niece.”
“How did you know-” I froze in my seat.
“I can read your mind. Being a vampire, it is one of my many gifts. I know that you have loved Athena for a very long time, but you want to give her the most romantic night of her life, which I plan on helping you with because I just love romance and I don’t want her to lose you. You seem like a wonderful young man. The last thing I want to do is ruin a relationship, again.” She took a sip of her, I saw that it made her cough a bit, or like it burned the back of her throat.
“Now, we need to keep this between you and I. Don’t worry about James, no one can hear what you are talking about or thinking in this room. Just make sure that you don’t think about it. I don’t want James’ getting his hopes up about a cure.” We both stood up and she handed me a tablet. “Keep these in your pockets and out of everyone’s sight, especially James.”
“What are they?” I asked as I looked down at the tablet, it was white and had a ‘BX O’ on it.
“They are blood tablets. We use them than drinking human’s blood. It craves the hunger and taste the same, but are less noticeable for people to notice. I created them, with the help of a friend, after I killed my first victim.”
“Why are you giving them to me?”
“Because, plan on becoming a vampire soon. I’m going to teach Athena how to become a witch.” She smirked.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Logan’s P.O.V.
We were all sitting down at the table, enjoying the alfredo chicken and broccoli that our Aunt Marie and James’ made us. I looked over at Ricky, who looked a little better than he did this morning, he was sitting next to Athena smiling.
“Anyone like desert?” James asked.
“No, I think I’m pretty full, but I wanted to chat up with you some more.” She looked next to our father as he smiled and nodded.
“I’m pretty full, I wanted to go get my crochet hooks from the RV.” Athena spoke as I was about to go with her, but Ricky had excused himself already.
“My dear brother, I need to have a word with you and my nephew.” I looked at her a questioned why she would want to talk about me. She sat up from the table and took care of the plates. “Meet me outside on the back porch, I’ll be right out.” She spoke as my father and I walked out back and saw a beautiful garden out back.
There were a hanging porch swing and a rocking chair in the far side of the porch, I sat down, looking at dad.
“Do you know what it is about?” I asked, but my father shook his head. Aunt Marie finally came out and sat down in the rocking chair, lighting a candle.
“Please sit Tanner, we need to talk about something.” She said. My father did as he was told and she pulled out the necklace. My father looked shocked.
“Where did you get that? I thought it was with grandma.”
“Ricky gave it to me. I know you don’t believe the witchcraft stuff, but I need you to hear me out.” She sighed. “Athena is the one who can create the cure for vampirism.”
“Wait, what?” I said I was shocked. Athena has always been interested in stuff like witchcraft, but I can’t imagine her practicing it. “Are you okay, Aunt Marie? I think you are talking nonsense.”
“You may think so until she learns.” She looked back over to my father who was still trying to process what she was talking about. “Grandma came to Ricky in his dreams and wants me to teach your daughter. I have a feeling that she will create the cure, but Tanner, it’s only a matter of time.”
“There is a cure? I thought there wasn’t? Eli told us there wasn’t.” My father spoke. Who’s Eli? What does he have to do with it?
“I was working on a cure for Eli, but because of what happened to me, I never finished it, but Athena can, she just needs to learn. Which is why I figured you and Logan would understand than Jade.” She said. Aunt Marie grabbed my hands, and she looked in my eyes. “She could even save Ricky. We can turn him, he would be cured and then he would be back as a human. She wouldn’t lose him and neither will you.”
This was a lot of information for me to process. So, we turn Ricky into a vampire, so that he doesn’t die from cancer, but then cure him from being a vampire and he is well and better again? I was confused. I took a deep breath and then nodded. “I’ll do it. I’ll help out.”
Aunt Marie smiled and gave me a hug. “One more thing, you can’t tell your mother or James. Tanner needs to tell him. I’ll talk to Athena.”
Then the back door flew open, causing a loud bang. There stood James. “Marie, you aren’t turning that cancer patient into a fucking murder like us!”

Chapter 8: https://katiesblog96971617.com/2019/03/05/unforgotten-chapter-8/

New chapters will be posted every Monday! Can’t wait til then? Check out the book on Wattpad! Search ‘katieasehl’, not only will you find this book, but other’s that I’ve finished or currently working on!

Posted in Arts and Crafts, Gaming, Mom Talk, My Secret Love, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing Works

New Schedule For Katie’s Blog!

Hello dearies! As we are reaching to the end of the year, I just wanted to give you guys some heads up on the new schedule for my blog. I know that you guys want content, which I am working on for the upcoming year!

For the past week, I have been working on a way on how I can make myself become more active on my blog. Figuring out what I love to do and what I really didn’t care or have enough excitement to do. Meaning, I don’t want to write or blog about stuff that I don’t have enough of an excitement to do.

So, let’s begin!

-Art & Crafts and/or Crafty Sassy

Image result for arts and crafts

So, this topic, is not going anywhere. I love to try and make new things and this challenges me, which I love to do! Crocheting, of course, will be my top project and I will keep posting on Tuesdays, like I have done normally on Tuesdays. HOWEVER, I have stuff planned out in advanced, so that I don’t run out of ideas on what to do next.

That being said, here is what is going to be ‘new’ for Crafty Sassy:

  • Temperature Blanket
    • This is something I have found and I am very excited to try it out. Basically, you are crocheting a granny square a day of what the temperature was that day.
    • I plan on giving you guys updates once a month, so that you can see my progress.
  • Project of the Month
    • This is something I want to try out. Every month, I will make a project of the month, which the design is going to represent each month.
    • These’s will be done for the first week of each month with a different project for each month.
  • Bookmark of the Month and/or Coaster of the Month
    • I’m still debating on whether to do this or not, but for bookmarks, there are a lot of ideas I would love to try, same goes with coasters.
    • Either way, these’s projects would be done for the last week of the month.

The rest of the weeks, I will ask you guys on my Facebook Page on which I should do and go live showing you OR have a pre-made video on ‘how-to’ make that particular design. This also gives you guys a chance to let me know what project or design I should do next.

-Gaming

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This was another topic that I barely posted about, but I am going to try my best to make a change to post more. First off, I would like to start going live or stream live, but I still have to look into it and make sure I know what I am doing before I jump on it.

For the time being, gaming stuff might be tips or updates on my Sims Series or reviews in general. Like I said, this one might take a little longer to get started, but I plan on post/streaming Sunday’s. Make sure you like my Facebook Page, that would be the best place for me to give you guys updates on this.

-Mom Talk

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This one has been off and on, but I will try my best to add more. It is very difficult because when I first started, I had so much to talk about, but now, I find that it might be harder for me to post about ‘Mom Talk’ stuff.

Is it something that is ending? No! I will try to post one of these at least once a month, but don’t quote me on it. When I first started out doing it, it was a way to let me release my fears or answer someone’s questions about parenting, but in my sense of style.

-My Books

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If you haven’t noticed, I have been working on some changes to my blogging website. If you are looking for my books, they are in that tab, but let’s talk about what’s going on with that.

Now, I am currently in the middle of a book, which is on Wattpad. I’m trying to get as much as I can done before starting the new year, and no, I’m not rushing it. I have a lot of ideas for it and just never had the time until now.

If you are wondering why I’m not posting very much, that is why. I’m making sure that this next book will last, at least, a half of the year to a year. What I mean by that, I need to have enough chapters to post on Mondays and Fridays, but because I am trying to become a better creative writer, my book chapters will be posted on Mondays only.

The reason why I posted them on Mondays and Fridays was that I saw a lot of people checking them out more on those days, so I made it more for my readers, but once I realized I didn’t have enough work for my audience (you guys), I had to come up with a better plan.

So, for the New Year, chapters of my next book will be published on Mondays. Sorry for the long ramble, but writers tend to do it.

-My Writing

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This was where I labeled my books ‘My Writing’, but that is changing. Which I will be going back to EVERY chapter for each book and getting rid of the ‘My Writing’ title because I have something bigger and better planned for it.

Here is what is starting to go in this category:

  • 365 Days of Writing
    • I saw it on Pinerest that some of them where doing writing prompts for every day for 365 days of the year, which I am very excited to start the beginning of this upcoming year!
    • Basically, I will be posting something everyday, for my writing prompt, but what it is about is a surprise for you guys!
  • Friday’s Short Stories
    • Every Fridays, I will be picking a theme or genre and writing a short story on that particular theme or genre.
    • If you know me, I love writing about romance and love, but I am very excited to try this out, as well! I will also be posting what theme or genre I will be doing on my Facebook Page, so if you guys want to try it out with me as well!

-Reviews

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This is something new that I want to try out. The reviews can be on anything, from books, T.V. Shows, movies, products, etc. I have a plan that I want to try and split it up, so that the reviews aren’t about just books, or just movies.

I don’t have a plan on what day I planned on doing them on, but I think Thursdays, once a month, I will do a review, if not, every other week. Like I said, this is something new and I will also make a video to go with it as well, than just a normal written review.

-Wrestling (WWE)

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So, for me, it was very stressful to do a re-cap of Raw and Smackdown, that’s why I stopped and the fact that I don’t watch them until the weekend. It didn’t make sense to keep doing it unless I was posting the same day that Raw and Smackdown aired.

Superstar of the Week and Hall of Famer of the month was also very stressful, but let’s talk about why. When I thought about doing it, I thought it was a great idea, I loved the fact that I picked a male and female superstar and talked about them, but I felt that I was rushing each one.

Instead of taking the time to write about them, I felt that I didn’t take the time to really write about them. I’m sorry if that doesn’t make any sense, but as a writer, I like to make sure that everything I post is something that is worth reading and I really rushed those ones.

Here is how I’m going to learn from my mistakes:

  • Superstars of the Month
    • These are going to be written a month in advance, but twice a month, I will post a male superstar of the month the first week of the month.
    • And a female superstar of the month the last week of the month.
    • January, we will start out with the Raw brand and then switch off every month. I will still post on Wednesdays for this topic.
  • Pay-Per-Views
    • So, instead of recapping Raw and Smackdown, I will be doing it for the PPV’s. Which are usually on Sundays and I usually watch these live.
    • I figured this would be a little easier for me to do, than trying to recap Raw and Smackdown.

-Podcasts/YouTube Channel

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Yes, podcasts are still a iffy. I am not sure that I will bring them back or not. It is something that I would still love to do, but I have realized that it might be better with another person with me.

So, for podcasts, they are currently not in the plan for the New Year, but if you want me to keep doing them or thing they were worth me putting the time in, then I will possibly think about it.

My YouTube Channel will become more active in the New Year. I am going to make sure that any craft projects, reviews, and my Sims Series are uploaded more. I have a plan to make sure to work on my Sims Series more and make sure that I upload a new episode every month, if not, twice a month.

For the craft projects, basically a how-to’s and updates to any of my finished projects, especially the temperature blanket. Like I said, I have a lot to plan in the upcoming new year.

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There it is! The plan for the upcoming new year. I will try my best to post more stuff, but thank you for all being so patient! If I do post anything, it might be for my store or new craft projects. I do want to have some new patterns for you guys!

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: What Some People Don’t Understand About Being A Stay-At-Home Mom

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What do you think of when you hear ‘stay-at-home mom’? Do you think, ‘Wow, they are so lucky, they must get so much time.’ or ‘Their kids must drive them crazy!’ or ‘They probably didn’t want to go back to work.’ There are so many opinions about stay-at-home moms, but they don’t understand what goes through the mind of a stay-at-home mom.

I’m a stay-at-home mom. I made the decision to become one when I realized that I didn’t want to miss out on any of my daughters milestones. I also talked to my fiance to make sure it was something we could afford to do.

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However, I didn’t expect to be a stay at home mom. Way before I even had kids, I did have a plan of what I wanted to do in my future. I wanted to become a teacher. Still to this day, I would love to be a teacher, but sometimes plans change when you have kids.

Let’s get back to me being a stay-at-home mom. The other downfall is that I don’t have a way to get from place to place because I’ve got some compilations with getting my license, so once a week, my mother comes to pick me up and it gives me a chance to get out of the house.

When I get back home, I’m in this state of mind: lonely. I know I’m not alone, but when you are a stay-at-home mom, the only people you talk to is your children and whenever your spouse is home. You are probably saying, ‘Don’t you have other friends or mom friends you can talk to or invite over.’

Yes, I do, but here is the thing about me. I have no problem talk to close family, but when it comes to friends, I feel like this: I’m bothering them. They are probably busy. They don’t want to hear from me. I don’t have a car, they will think I’m using them. They probably don’t like me. 

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Those sentences run through my mind when I think about talking to someone other than my family. I do have a few friends that stay-at-home, but I will always feel like a bother to them. Which I might not be, but I feel like that for everyone, anytime someone does something for me or my family, I feel it was done because I was a bother.

Moving on, a lot of people think their house would be spotless, being able to stay home. I try my best to keep the place in ‘decent shape’, but between ordering stuff online, broken appliances, toys everywhere, and having a bunch of stuff that we have no room for, it’s very hard to keep this place spotless.

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I’m lucky to sweep at least once a week or vacuum. Dishes, the ones that we use the most get rewashed everyday, the other just sit until we need them. I’ve gotten all the dishes done at one point, but they stack up quicker. Laundry has been difficult because of the fact that they are broken.

It’s not just that, I worry about not being able to pay off bills, my own medical bills. I worry about little things, but they turn into giant things because my mind makes them a big thing.

You also have to take in fact that my daughter always wants me, so doing stuff around the house during the day is difficult. ‘You can get them done when she goes to sleep or takes a nap.’ Yeah, I can, during her naps, I try to get as much as I can done, but when she goes to sleep for the night, it’s difficult because I’m exhausted and I usually take that time to relax doing what I want to do. Sometimes, I’m just too tired and just go to bed.

The one thing people always asks me is: Do you love being a stay-at-home mom?

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Yes and no. The no part is that you don’t socialize very much with adults, chores can be a challenge to do, you get depressed very quickly, you mind feels, and you never get a break, sometimes. Why do I love it? I get to see my daughter reach milestones. Watch laugh, cry, walk, find her voice, play with her toys, talk, and most of all, make her known that she is loved.

If you are a stay-at-home mom and can get all the chores done, being able to sit on the couch folding laundry with a cup of coffee, watching your kids favorite T.V. show, good for you! I’m glad you have the motivation to do all that, I wish I had motivation for that.

But, if you are like me, where we barely get stuff done, spend it most with our kids, forgetting to sweep, worrying about what to do with stuff that you can’t decided to throw away or keep. It’s okay!

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It’s okay that our emotions get in the way, we just have to learn to deal with them in the most healthiest way possible. It’s okay if you reach out for help, sometimes you just need an outsiders point of view.

Posted in Uncategorized

What’s Going On For My Blog, YouTube Channel, and Facebook Page?

Hey Dearies! It has been awhile since I’ve posted a blog post and I wanted to chat up with you about what has been happening in my life and the future of my blog, YouTube channel, and Facebook page.

I’m NOT done! Making this very clear! I ain’t quitting any time soon!

I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life and we also had a death in the family. I’m doing my best to mourn over our family’s lost, it’s a lot easier said than done. So, if I’m not able to post stuff on here or any of my social media platforms, please be patient with me.

Another thing that is happening is that there is a lot going on in my mind. The holidays can be very difficult for me because of the lost of my son. It can be difficult to do some stuff with my daughter and realize I won’t ever be able to do it with my son.

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Anyway, that’s what has been going on, but let’s talk about what the future is going to be like for the following platforms of mine.

My Facebook Page/Online Business (Katie’s Craft Studio):

I’m very active, when it comes to my Facebook page, so if you are ever looking for an update, check it out! It is where I will mostly post any updates or when blog posts are going to be out.

The online business, I am trying to get some more stuff together, working on a logo and business card. If you want to order anything that I offer, you can send me an e-mail or message me on my Facebook page for the time being.

I am currently working on a online order form for my small business, but it is still in the works. I’ll update the status of that on my Facebook page. I have thought about Etsy, but I want to offer more products, but I need to have the clients to order them first. Again, I’ll be posting an update on it.

My Blog: 

Yes, I will still be doing my blog. I have a couple new ideas, just to make sure that I am active everyday. I am also still working on Unclear 2, which I will explain that in a second.

Starting January 1st, I will be doing the 365 blog posts, it’s like a writing prompt which can help be become a better blogger and writer, so that will be public for your viewing pleasure.

Unclear 2 is in the works, it is out on Wattpad and I have been updating it, very slowly, but I will be doing a ‘short story’ of the month where I have a set theme and I have to write a short story on that theme or topic.

I’ll start doing reviews about anything. From books, TV shows, movies, or products! I’ve always wanted to do this, so for next year, I’m going to try my best to make it happen, at least once a month!

As for Crafty Sassy, I am going to have a plan on what items I would like to show every Tuesday. I can go live on my Facebook page, but I feel it would be better to give you guys an actually video on how to make some of the stuff, but more edited and clear to understand. Which will be posted on my blog and on my YouTube page, but we will get to that.

For wrestling and WWE stuff, I’m going to try and figure something out with that because I still love watching it, but it might just be for the pay-per-views and what I thought about the matches. I have thought about doing just a Superstar of the month and not every week because I feel like I have rushed most of them and I want to take the time to make them better.

The gaming part of my blog will be more active! I have a few ideas and I am actually going to try and live stream for my YouTube channel. I will also record myself showing how to’s- for Minecraft, Sims, etc.

YouTube Channel (KatiePurrPurr):

Nope, I’m also not done for this either. Although, I am working on getting a better camera because the one I have isn’t the best, when it comes to going live. So for now, I’ll try my best to ‘work with it’, but it isn’t going to be the best thing ever. I also need to get some better lighting as well.

The Sims series, I am working on it, right now, I do have a problem with the Sims because I need them to get to the weekend days, so that I can film. I will also have different idea for the series, I’m going to ‘free film’, basically filming without having a script. I’ve never done that before, but it will be new to me!

The second episode is in the works, I just need to film it and then I will go from there.

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So, a few things are changing for my platforms, but I’m not done! I’m not giving up! I just need to get back on track, which I will be on January 1st of 2019. For the time being, I will do my best to post stuff, but it might just be Crafty Sassy stuff.

Thank you for all that have supported me and have stayed with me through this progress!

 

Posted in My Secret Love

My Secret Love (Chapter 16)

My Secret Love Book Cover

*Warning: Mature Content! Read at your own risk!*

If you haven’t read Chapter 15, here is the link!
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/09/21/my-writing-my-secret-love-chapter-15/

 

~Chapter 16~

We finally made it to a hotel after driving for what seemed like daysyes. Michael kept blowing up my phone. I didn’t answer him. I was still upset with him. Tim has been talking to Michael, trying to get me to talk to him.
I grabbed some clothes and a towel and headed for the bathroom.
“I’m gonna take a shower now. You want to go down to the bar for drinks?” I asked. Tim nodded and I headed into the bathroom.
Once I got in, I locked the door and stripped from all of my clothes. I turned on the shower and waited until I feel the water getting warm.
The water felt great on my face. It was very relaxing. I didn’t think of anything that had happened in the past day. It felt like I was washing all my problems and stress from my body, until I heard a knock on the bathroom door.
“You almost done?” Tim asked as I turned off the water and grabbed a towel.
“Yeah, let me get dressed and I’ll be right out.” I started to dry myself, but something didn’t feel right.
“Please hurry.” Tim spoke again. I started to worry. I quickly got dressed. I then slowly unlocked the door and opened it. I froze when I saw him.
“Don’t you look sexy with your hair dyed, don’t you?” Justin said, holding a gun to my brothers head. “Man, was it hard to find you.”
“Let go of my brother.” I said. Justin smirked.
“Oh Elizabeth, do you really think I was going to let go of your brother so easily?” He then shot my brother in the head. I screamed as I caught my brother falling to the floor. My hands started to fill with his blood. “You said to let go of your brother, but didn’t say how.”
“You didn’t need to kill him. He was the only family I had left.” I cried, looking down at my brother, hugging him in my arms tightly.
“That’s true. He was your only living family left, but now, you only have me.” I looked up at him in anger. He pointed the gun on me. “Now get the fuck up. We are going to our new home.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Kill me for all I care. I have no will to live anymore.” I looked up at him and moved the gun to my head. “Pull the trigger.”
Justin looked at me and stayed silent.
“Pull the fucking trigger, asshole!” I screamed. Still holding the gun to my head. I slowly grabbed the pocket knife that was in my back pocket and slipped it in my sleeve.
“I won’t kill you. I love you too much.” Justin said, putting the gun down and taking his other hand to touch my face. “I missed you so much, Elizabeth.” He pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I pulled the pocket knife out and sliced his throat.
“Its a shame I never loved you.” I said as he fell to his knees, both of his hands were holding his throat as blood kept gushing from his throat. I backed away and dropped the knife.
I grabbed my cell phone and dialed.
“Elizabeth, I’m so glad called you. I am so sorry for-” I stopped him in the middle of his sentence.
“Mikey, I need you. Please track my phone and help me.” I said.
“What’s going on? I’m on my way.” He said. I went quiet and started to cry. “What’s wrong? Where’s Tim?”
“He-he’s dead.” I then hung up, dropped the phone and held my dead brother in my arms and waited for Michael to come and get me. I didn’t know what to do.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
“What the hell happened in here?” Michael said as he walked in the room. “Is he?”
“Dead.” I nodded. ” I-I killed him. I killed him.”
Michael leaned down and started to hug me as I cried harder. “I know, but don’t worry. We will get this all cleaned up.” He said as he pulled out his phone and dialed.
“Danny, I need you to get up here. I also need some clean clothes for Elizabeth and some bodies bags.” He spoke. “You’ll see when you get up here.” He hung up.
I then looked up at Michael and then looked down at Tim’s lifeless body. “We should’ve never left. None of this would’ve happened.”
“It’s not your fault. I didn’t think he was going to find either of you.”
“I should’ve left by myself and Tim would still be alive.” Tim should’ve never got in the car with me.
“Tim would’ve never left you to go off my yourself.” Michael then stood up as he was trying to get me to stand up. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and we will take care of your brother.”
Michael held my hands as I stood up and looked into his eyes. I then laid my head on his chest as he held me close. I started to cry some more.
“Holy shit, this is a blood bath.” Danny said as he walked into the hotel room. “Mikey, we got to get this shit cleaned up soon. I paid the owner to stay quiet, but one of the other guest called the cops.”
“Okay, Elizabeth, grab your stuff and put on this black sweatshirt. Get down to the car and we will take care of the rest.” Michael then placed a kiss on my forehead. I then grabbed my bag and headed downstairs to the lobby.
As I was walking through the lobby, all I could think of was Tim. My eyes started to water. People were staring at my as I walked towards the black hummer. Before I opened the door, I started to feel dizzy. Everything was starting to spin and I felt myself falling towards the ground.
The only thing I heard before falling to the ground was someone screaming my name before everything went black.

If you can’t wait until the next chapter to be up, feel free to check it out on Wattpad! Just search katieasehl and not only will you find this book, but other’s that are finished, or I’m currently working on. 

Chapter 17:
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/09/28/my-writing-my-secret-love-chapter-17/

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Being Afraid Of The Scale

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When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see in the mirror is me. Not just me, but the extra weight that hangs over, under my arms, under my chin, and the worse, the muffin top.

Ever since I’ve been little, I hated the scale. In school, I didn’t want to step on it and have everyone find out what my weight was. To this day, stepping on the scale scares me. I’m afraid of it being too high. I’m afraid of everyone knowing my number of how much I weigh.

It’s hard for me to even think about losing weight, because I always hear everyone around me saying, ‘Isn’t she too young to be big for that size?’. It has scared me, to the point where I was ready to give up on trying to lose weight and ignore the comments.

The comments would always come back to haunt me. Even after having kids, I still haven’t managed to lose the baby weight, but other mothers are so lucky and drop it at the snap of their fingers. I’ve always wanted to be just like those moms, drop the extra weight and keep it off.

This morning, after I woke up, I did something I wouldn’t normally do. Step on the scale.

Just pulling it from under my sink, I worried on how big the number was going to be, even with me doing yoga for about a week. What if the number is too high? What if the yoga isn’t working or I’m not putting in enough effort? What if I am eating too much?

Those questions kept circling my mind as I finally stepped onto the scale. My face flushed as I looked down at the haunting number. 234.8. A lot of you might not think that its a lot, but for me, I have been in the 200’s since high school. It puts a damper on your mind. Or for me, I tell myself that it’s not good enough.

You see, we are told at a young age that we can’t be ‘big’ or ‘fat’. Even in school, they make us take a test on how ‘healthy’ we are, or to see how ‘overweight’ we are. To me, it made me feel that I had to be skinny to fit in, have friend, do sports, or even join teams.

Maybe its just me, that has problems trying to lose weight. Maybe I’m the only one having issues with it. It gets harder to want to do anything when technology keeps getting better and is making us become more lazy or not have motivation to do anything.

The real issue is that no of us should be afraid of stepping on a scale, but stepping on a scale will give you, not just a number, but where you would fit on the scale of what is socially normal to be, in this world today.

Next time you see an overweight person, don’t judge them because they are fat or look overweight, don’t judge them. You should only judge them as a person by their personality, not their looks.

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Posted in Unclear

Unclear: List of Chapters

Unclear Book Cover

Hey guys! I wanted to make it easier for you guys to get to each and every chapter of my book, Unclear. So, I will list all the links of the chapters, just to make it easier for you guys to find!

*If any of the links aren’t showing up or working, please let me know, so that I can fix it!*

Into –
 https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/05/14/my-writing-unclear-intro/

Chapter 1: 10 Years Later – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/05/21/my-writing-unclear-10-years-later-chapter-1/

Chapter 2: The Mistake – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/05/28/my-writing-unclear-chapter-2-the-mistake-chapter-2/

Chapter 3: Does He Love Me? – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/04/my-writing-unclear-does-he-love-me-chapter-3/

Chapter 4: What’s Wrong With Me? –
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/08/my-writing-unclear-whats-wrong-with-me/

Chapter 5: Uh, Oh – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/11/my-writing-unclear-uh-oh-chapter-5/

Chapter 6: I Need To Tell Them – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/15/my-writing-unclear-i-need-to-tell-them-chapter-6/

Chapter 7: 3 Months – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/18/my-writing-unclear-3-months-chapter-7/

Chapter 8: It Was Me – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/22/my-writing-unclear-it-was-me-chapter-8/

Chapter 9: The Father Is – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/25/my-writing-unclear-the-father-is-chapter-9/

Chapter 10: 5 Months – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/29/my-writing-unclear-5-months-chapter-10/

Chapter 11: Its A What?? – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/02/my-writing-unclear-its-a-what-chapter-11/

Chapter 12: He’s Coming For Me – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/06/my-writing-unclear-hes-coming-for-me-chapter-12/

Chapter 13: What’s Going On? – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/09/my-writing-unclear-whats-going-on-chapter-13/

Chapter 14: Marie’s Hope –
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/13/my-writing-unclear-maries-hope-chapter-14/

Chapter 15: The Last Long Love –
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/16/my-writing-unclear-the-last-long-love-chapter-15/

Chapter 16: It’s Time – 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/20/my-writing-unclear-its-time-chapter-16/

Chapter 17:
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/23/my-writing-unclear-new-life-chapter-17/

Chapter 18:
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/27/my-writing-unclear-prayers-anything-please-chapter-18/

Chapter 19:
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/30/my-writing-unclear-all-just-a-dream-chapter-19/

Chapter 20:
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/08/03/my-writing-unclear-10-years-later-happy-ending-chapter-20-end/

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Why I Don’t Co-Sleep

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I know reading the title already makes you want to voice your opinion about the topic. Some parents prefer co-sleeping, other, well, would rather not risk losing their bed. I, for one, do not co-sleep, here is why.

As a mom, giving into have your child sleep in bed for a night is one thing, is another thing when its every night. I don’t co-sleep with my daughter. My fiance and I both agreed that we would not allow our child to sleep in our bed unless they were sick or had a nightmare.

Since day one, my daughter has not slept in our bed with us and won’t start now. Having kids sleeping in our bed makes it difficult to spend time with our spouses. If its not a problem with you, great! For me its a different situation.

My fiance works second shift and we don’t get to see him very often. Him coming home to a kid-free bed, makes it easier for him to go to sleep. Me as well. I also have a fear that if my kids ever slept in our bed, one of us would roll over on them, which we both move around in our sleep a lot!

I want my kids to know from day one that they have a bed and that mommy and daddy’s bed isn’t where you go to sleep. They have their own bed for a reason. Plus, at ever doctors appointment, the doctor will remind me all the time that co-sleeping is a no, even though I have told him multiple times that I won’t and will not co-sleep.

They aren’t just saying it because that’s how they feel, they have to tell you because of the fact that so many babies die from being suffocated because of co-sleeping.

Now, if you are parents that do the whole co-sleeping, great! If it works for you, do it. I’m just voicing my opinion that I won’t ever really co-sleep. So, please don’t take it to heart that I’m telling you or trying to convince you otherwise.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Being Frustrated

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As all parents know, we are bound to get frustrated with our kids, lifestyle, work, etc. How to deal with it, can be very difficult. Especially, when you are a stay-at-home mom. It’s even worse when you suffer from depression.

I get frustrated. I can admit that. A lot of people can’t.

I get frustrated over little things, that I can do nothing about. I get frustrated over the bigger things that I can’t fix. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do, until the time is right to fix something. Or in my case, money always frustrates me.

Sometimes I get very frustrated with my daughter. I get frustrated when she cries and there is nothing I can do to help her. Do I take it out on her? No. I put her in her crib, play pen, or anywhere where I know she won’t hurt herself. I then take a deep breathe, count to ten and then go back to my daughter and try to take care of her the best I can.

Another reason why I get very frustrated is that I haven’t felt comfortable to leave my daughter with anyone, yet. I bet you are all thinking or saying that I need a break. I do, but with my past history, it’s very hard to do.

Losing my son, is making it difficult to leave her with anyone. I feel that if I do, I am going to freak out, if she were to spend the night somewhere, or I would get that call that something is wrong. The only people that really understand what I am going through, are mother who have lost a baby.

My daughter is 7 months old and I am starting to realize that she just wants me, which frustrates me because I want to get stuff done in the house. I know it’s my fault, but it’s hard to let go. It’s like when your child goes in for their first day of preschool, its hard to watch them go.

Anyway, being frustrated doesn’t mean you are a bad parent, it means you need to take a step back and try different ways to relax your frustration. I’ve counted to 10, that has helped. Closing your eyes, working out, doing a hobby, or if you are in a pickle, closing your eyes and relaxing them to a second.

Meditation is what I’m going to try and get into because of the fact that I still don’t feel 100% comfortable to leave my daughter with anyone, yet.

If you are like me and can’t leave your child, for whatever reason, start with an hour. Leave your child with your spouse and see how you do. Try it out with different family family members and then slowly leave them for more that an hour or two.

When you know that baby is comfortable and you finally feel comfortable, then leave them with family for a night. You just have to get to, not only your comfort zone, but your child’s as well.

Another way to deal with frustration, is to talk to someone, someone you know that wouldn’t mind listening to whatever is frustrating you. Airing it out is a lot better than keeping it in. I know how hard it is to talk to someone, but you don’t want it to keep it all in.

Before it’s too late and then you end up screaming at someone.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: The Aftermath Of Having Babies

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Babies given our life full of joy, over-tiredness, happiness, exhaustion, etc. We carried them for 9 months, experienced all of their movements and felt them grow inside us over time. No one really talks about what happens after birth, what happens to us mother after the baby is born.

I think that no one wants to see the aftermath of having a child because it’s not pretty. I’ve had natural births, so I don’t know if it is the same aftermath with a c-section. Forewarning you, some of this stuff that I will be talking about might be really gross for some of you, so if you don’t have a really strong stomach, I wouldn’t continue to read.

Once you get to the end of your pregnancy, you might be at that point where you just want your kid to come out. No joke. For me, that statement was 100% true. I loved being pregnant, but the further you get, the more uncomfortable it is. Especially if you were pregnant during the summer.

With my son, I was induced, due to his condition. Being induced was a bitch. It was a lot more painful vs. having your child naturally. My daughter wasn’t needed to be induced, thank god.

When you start to go through labor, from my view, its not bad until you hit that 6-7 cm. Then you kinda just want to grab your spouse and want to punch them in the nuts, but don’t really do that.

The pain and everything went away when I had my children in my arms, or once I saw them. Everyone things that it’s such a happy time, well, you are dead wrong. If you have your children naturally, be prepared to bleed for the next couple weeks.

That pregnancy glow you once had, has changed to a Walking Dead add on. To this day, my daughter is 7 months old, and I still look like a Walking Dead extra. Then again, pj’s are my best friend.

Your boobs hurt, if you are breastfeeding, I was only able to do it for a little bit, but to this day, they will always leak. Not to mention that it hurts to go to the bathroom, to me, I felt that I was in labor again after the first time. For that first month or two, you feel like shit. You feel even worst when baby blues or depression hits you at the same time.

It’s all worth it in the end, they tell you. Well, the one thing that isn’t worth it, and I still have this issue, peeing when you sneeze. You are stuck with that in the end too. Hell, I have to hold my sneeze unless I want to pee myself. At this point, you are better off wearing Depends now.

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With The Loss Of A Child

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As you all might know, or will find out, I lost my first born son, before he turned a month old. His birthday is next month and I wanted to talk to you about the loss of a child. Whether they were on this Earth for 5 years or two days, it still hurts the same.

June 25th, is coming soon, which is also my son’s birthday. He would have been two years old. As the month has been coming up, I haven’t been the same.

Last year, this time, I was working and was pregnant for my rainbow baby, my daughter. Work distracted me from the fact that I would celebrate his first birthday without him here. This year, he would have been two, and now that I am a stay-at-home mom, it has been really difficult.

You see, losing a child is very difficult to cope with, even at my age. I was 18, when I had him. I was 18, when we lost him. And because of losing him so soon, it made my fiance and I grow up a lot. What was the reason, you ask. Well, let me tell you.

When I was pregnant with my son, Liam, we found out he had a very serious disease, HLHS or Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Meaning the left side of his heart was underdeveloped. At first I never even hear the term, but after watching a lot of Grey’s, they talk about it all the time.

They don’t have enough research to explain why it happen, but it just did. ‘It was the way cells formed’, is what all the doctors would tell us. None of us wanted to believe that it was true, but the ultrasounds said otherwise. Once he was born, he was going to be going through a lot up until he turns about 3. Well, as you know, he didn’t make to 3. He didn’t even make it to his first birthday.

Everything went well, with his first surgery, but a blood clot stopped his heart and he just went downhill from there. Another reason why it’s even harder to deal with the lost of a child, is when you are holding them when their heart stopped, not just once, but twice.

That story is for another day, which I haven’t decided whether to post it or not.

He died on in my arms, I know a lot of people might think I’m crazy, but to me, I wanted him to know that he was going to heaven in the comfort of his parents arms.

One thing that a lot of people tell me is to get over it. I can’t just get over it. It’s not something you get over with, it takes time to cope with the fact that they are no longer with us. I though, I believe he is always watching from up above.

Please, if you know anyone who has ever lost a child, don’t ever tell them they need to ‘get over it’. You are a terrible person for even thinking that, just saying. If anything, we need to comfort those who have lost love ones.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Depression As A Mom

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A lot of people think that having a baby will bring you joy and happiness for your family. Which is does, but a lot of people don’t understand that there is a lot going on then just taking care of a baby.

I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. It’s been a long rocky-road for me. Sometimes, I just wish that I could just be happy, but having depression, makes you want to do nothing. Be nothing. You are always sad inside and no one will really know unless you talk to them about it.

When you have a baby, after the baby is born, some mom struggle with, what it is called, ‘baby blues’. It usually happens to a lot of moms within the first month of their baby being born. That’s why a lot of OBGYN’s ask you about ‘baby blues’, at your 6 week post-postpartum check up. They want to make sure that you and the baby are in good hands.

As a mom who has already lost a child and just had another one, it’s really difficult for me to watch my daughter grow because my son died when he was only a month old. It’s started to hit me a few days ago, that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of blogging going on.

Not just with the depression, stress and other issues are also on my mind. It makes it worse, especially when you have a little one that needs you every waking minute. There are days that I don’t want to get up, but my daughter gives me the kick that I need to get up and go on with my life.

It makes me sad that I can’t see my son reach the milestones that my daughter is, but she gives me a sense of hope. Just because I lost my son, I can’t get up on the fact that he’s gone. I always know that he will always watch over my daughter and any future children that I may have.

Before you say that a newly mother can’t be depressed, think about this. Have you ever had a child? Have you ever thought of the crying to never end? Have you ever go nuts, in your mind, because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

I give praises to newly mothers, especially ones that have babies or children with birth defects. I also want to praise all the mothers that try their best, when they think their best isn’t good enough.

You moms are doing amazing!

It’s good to hear a good thing or too. To me, it makes me feel inspired and more confident to shoot for the stars.

But the one thing that I always do, when I’m feeling depressed or down, I talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or my fiance. I talk to someone. I rather people know what’s going on, versus keeping it all locked inside. As much as I sometimes would rather not talk to anyone, I know that I should.

If you are a mom, who’s struggling with depression or ‘baby blues’, talk to someone or talk to your doctor, they can give you some medication that will make it easier for you to handle. As much as some people don’t like taking medications, I am one of those people, it does work.

I am always an open ear. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, go to my Contact page and send me a message. It’s better to open up to someone, rather than no one.

To all those moms, you keep doing what you are doing, better days are sure to come.

*If you really need help and need to talk to someone or a medical professionally, click on the link below. It gives a list of hotlines and explains depression in depth. The hotline is there and is completely anonymous.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Teething

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Usually, I have been able to post a blog a day, but at the moment, my 6 month old is going through the favorite and fun stages of teething. So, I figured I talk about something that every mom has to go through with their kids.

Teething, is very frustrating for not just baby, but for mommy too. About a week ago, my daughter, she was on her normal schedule and was fine, chewing and putting everything in her mouth like a baby will do, but this week. She has been teething bad!

Because of the teething, it is throwing her way off schedule. She has been eating less and has been taking longer naps. I am one of those moms that has to have a schedule planned out, I have an app on my phone that helps me track her feeding, diapers, and sleep patterns.

It makes me nervous because she has had weight problems in the past, but the doctor says that it is totally normal for her to not eat as much because of teething. Since, her gums and jaw hurt a lot, its difficult for her to want to eat. Since I’m new to this stage, I freaked out.

And of course, I know what you are thinking. You asked Google, didn’t you? Yep. I did and it turns out other moms had the same issue when it come to teething. I was really relieved. Just reading about another mom struggle or freak out about a new stage and got help from other moms, it really helped me out.

But, this is only the beginning of teething. Here we go, just about two more years of this, until she’s got all of her teeth. So not ready for this, but at least I know that I am not the only one struggling on it.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Struggles With Weight Loss

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After you have a child, you still have the extra ‘baby fat’, as people would like to call it. But, for me, it’s completely different. I have struggled with weight loss for a very long time.

I’ve been considered ‘overweight’ ever since I was in middle school. I always got picked on and judged on how I looked that I never had any self esteem to get me motivated enough to really change.

I’ve been brought down by doctors, friends, and even some family, because of my weight. I’ve never really been motivate to find some exercise or a better diet that I feel comfortable changing or trying to do. I was one of those girls that would rather play video games than go outside.

High school, I grew to except it, but I wasn’t truly happy. I didn’t want to be thin like a toothpick. I wanted to lose the belly fat. The muffin top that made me feel like nothing would ever fit me because of it. I would change my clothes more than I could remember because I felt like I didn’t look good in them.

Until, I met my fiance. He made me fell like no matter what size I was, I was still beautiful. He helped me see past the muffin top. After having our daughter, I still have the muffin top. I’m a stay-at-home mom, it’s been difficult to do anything because I’m usually so tired in the morning and in the afternoon.

So I looked up what I could do to help me get rid of this muffin top, and keep it off, for good.

I looked up different exercises and challenges that I could try and I spotted the 30-Day Squat Challenge. I started it last Sunday, but I already notice a difference. My pants, that didn’t fit me, are slowly starting to fit me. I’m already starting to look a little smaller than I did.

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This is the Squat Challenge that I am doing. Just in case anyone is ready to make a change, just like I am.

I’m become proud of myself and excited that I’m finally doing, what took me years, to do. I want to feel what it’s like to be able to pick out clothes that actually fit, for once. I want people to notice me and not just my body size. I want to be able to love me for me.

I just started week 2 and I feel excited to do my squats every morning. I want to see if I can really finish this. I’m ready to make a change, a healthier change for not just my family, but for me.