Posted in Arts and Crafts, Gaming, Mom Talk, My Secret Love, My Writing, Reviews, Uncategorized, Wrestling (WWE)

New Schedule For Katie’s Blog!

Hello dearies! As we are reaching to the end of the year, I just wanted to give you guys some heads up on the new schedule for my blog. I know that you guys want content, which I am working on for the upcoming year!

For the past week, I have been working on a way on how I can make myself become more active on my blog. Figuring out what I love to do and what I really didn’t care or have enough excitement to do. Meaning, I don’t want to write or blog about stuff that I don’t have enough of an excitement to do.

So, let’s begin!

-Art & Crafts and/or Crafty Sassy

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So, this topic, is not going anywhere. I love to try and make new things and this challenges me, which I love to do! Crocheting, of course, will be my top project and I will keep posting on Tuesdays, like I have done normally on Tuesdays. HOWEVER, I have stuff planned out in advanced, so that I don’t run out of ideas on what to do next.

That being said, here is what is going to be ‘new’ for Crafty Sassy:

  • Temperature Blanket
    • This is something I have found and I am very excited to try it out. Basically, you are crocheting a granny square a day of what the temperature was that day.
    • I plan on giving you guys updates once a month, so that you can see my progress.
  • Project of the Month
    • This is something I want to try out. Every month, I will make a project of the month, which the design is going to represent each month.
    • These’s will be done for the first week of each month with a different project for each month.
  • Bookmark of the Month and/or Coaster of the Month
    • I’m still debating on whether to do this or not, but for bookmarks, there are a lot of ideas I would love to try, same goes with coasters.
    • Either way, these’s projects would be done for the last week of the month.

The rest of the weeks, I will ask you guys on my Facebook Page on which I should do and go live showing you OR have a pre-made video on ‘how-to’ make that particular design. This also gives you guys a chance to let me know what project or design I should do next.

-Gaming

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This was another topic that I barely posted about, but I am going to try my best to make a change to post more. First off, I would like to start going live or stream live, but I still have to look into it and make sure I know what I am doing before I jump on it.

For the time being, gaming stuff might be tips or updates on my Sims Series or reviews in general. Like I said, this one might take a little longer to get started, but I plan on post/streaming Sunday’s. Make sure you like my Facebook Page, that would be the best place for me to give you guys updates on this.

-Mom Talk

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This one has been off and on, but I will try my best to add more. It is very difficult because when I first started, I had so much to talk about, but now, I find that it might be harder for me to post about ‘Mom Talk’ stuff.

Is it something that is ending? No! I will try to post one of these at least once a month, but don’t quote me on it. When I first started out doing it, it was a way to let me release my fears or answer someone’s questions about parenting, but in my sense of style.

-My Books

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If you haven’t noticed, I have been working on some changes to my blogging website. If you are looking for my books, they are in that tab, but let’s talk about what’s going on with that.

Now, I am currently in the middle of a book, which is on Wattpad. I’m trying to get as much as I can done before starting the new year, and no, I’m not rushing it. I have a lot of ideas for it and just never had the time until now.

If you are wondering why I’m not posting very much, that is why. I’m making sure that this next book will last, at least, a half of the year to a year. What I mean by that, I need to have enough chapters to post on Mondays and Fridays, but because I am trying to become a better creative writer, my book chapters will be posted on Mondays only.

The reason why I posted them on Mondays and Fridays was that I saw a lot of people checking them out more on those days, so I made it more for my readers, but once I realized I didn’t have enough work for my audience (you guys), I had to come up with a better plan.

So, for the New Year, chapters of my next book will be published on Mondays. Sorry for the long ramble, but writers tend to do it.

-My Writing

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This was where I labeled my books ‘My Writing’, but that is changing. Which I will be going back to EVERY chapter for each book and getting rid of the ‘My Writing’ title because I have something bigger and better planned for it.

Here is what is starting to go in this category:

  • 365 Days of Writing
    • I saw it on Pinerest that some of them where doing writing prompts for every day for 365 days of the year, which I am very excited to start the beginning of this upcoming year!
    • Basically, I will be posting something everyday, for my writing prompt, but what it is about is a surprise for you guys!
  • Friday’s Short Stories
    • Every Fridays, I will be picking a theme or genre and writing a short story on that particular theme or genre.
    • If you know me, I love writing about romance and love, but I am very excited to try this out, as well! I will also be posting what theme or genre I will be doing on my Facebook Page, so if you guys want to try it out with me as well!

-Reviews

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This is something new that I want to try out. The reviews can be on anything, from books, T.V. Shows, movies, products, etc. I have a plan that I want to try and split it up, so that the reviews aren’t about just books, or just movies.

I don’t have a plan on what day I planned on doing them on, but I think Thursdays, once a month, I will do a review, if not, every other week. Like I said, this is something new and I will also make a video to go with it as well, than just a normal written review.

-Wrestling (WWE)

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So, for me, it was very stressful to do a re-cap of Raw and Smackdown, that’s why I stopped and the fact that I don’t watch them until the weekend. It didn’t make sense to keep doing it unless I was posting the same day that Raw and Smackdown aired.

Superstar of the Week and Hall of Famer of the month was also very stressful, but let’s talk about why. When I thought about doing it, I thought it was a great idea, I loved the fact that I picked a male and female superstar and talked about them, but I felt that I was rushing each one.

Instead of taking the time to write about them, I felt that I didn’t take the time to really write about them. I’m sorry if that doesn’t make any sense, but as a writer, I like to make sure that everything I post is something that is worth reading and I really rushed those ones.

Here is how I’m going to learn from my mistakes:

  • Superstars of the Month
    • These are going to be written a month in advance, but twice a month, I will post a male superstar of the month the first week of the month.
    • And a female superstar of the month the last week of the month.
    • January, we will start out with the Raw brand and then switch off every month. I will still post on Wednesdays for this topic.
  • Pay-Per-Views
    • So, instead of recapping Raw and Smackdown, I will be doing it for the PPV’s. Which are usually on Sundays and I usually watch these live.
    • I figured this would be a little easier for me to do, than trying to recap Raw and Smackdown.

-Podcasts/YouTube Channel

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Yes, podcasts are still a iffy. I am not sure that I will bring them back or not. It is something that I would still love to do, but I have realized that it might be better with another person with me.

So, for podcasts, they are currently not in the plan for the New Year, but if you want me to keep doing them or thing they were worth me putting the time in, then I will possibly think about it.

My YouTube Channel will become more active in the New Year. I am going to make sure that any craft projects, reviews, and my Sims Series are uploaded more. I have a plan to make sure to work on my Sims Series more and make sure that I upload a new episode every month, if not, twice a month.

For the craft projects, basically a how-to’s and updates to any of my finished projects, especially the temperature blanket. Like I said, I have a lot to plan in the upcoming new year.

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There it is! The plan for the upcoming new year. I will try my best to post more stuff, but thank you for all being so patient! If I do post anything, it might be for my store or new craft projects. I do want to have some new patterns for you guys!

 

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Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: What Some People Don’t Understand About Being A Stay-At-Home Mom

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What do you think of when you hear ‘stay-at-home mom’? Do you think, ‘Wow, they are so lucky, they must get so much time.’ or ‘Their kids must drive them crazy!’ or ‘They probably didn’t want to go back to work.’ There are so many opinions about stay-at-home moms, but they don’t understand what goes through the mind of a stay-at-home mom.

I’m a stay-at-home mom. I made the decision to become one when I realized that I didn’t want to miss out on any of my daughters milestones. I also talked to my fiance to make sure it was something we could afford to do.

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However, I didn’t expect to be a stay at home mom. Way before I even had kids, I did have a plan of what I wanted to do in my future. I wanted to become a teacher. Still to this day, I would love to be a teacher, but sometimes plans change when you have kids.

Let’s get back to me being a stay-at-home mom. The other downfall is that I don’t have a way to get from place to place because I’ve got some compilations with getting my license, so once a week, my mother comes to pick me up and it gives me a chance to get out of the house.

When I get back home, I’m in this state of mind: lonely. I know I’m not alone, but when you are a stay-at-home mom, the only people you talk to is your children and whenever your spouse is home. You are probably saying, ‘Don’t you have other friends or mom friends you can talk to or invite over.’

Yes, I do, but here is the thing about me. I have no problem talk to close family, but when it comes to friends, I feel like this: I’m bothering them. They are probably busy. They don’t want to hear from me. I don’t have a car, they will think I’m using them. They probably don’t like me. 

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Those sentences run through my mind when I think about talking to someone other than my family. I do have a few friends that stay-at-home, but I will always feel like a bother to them. Which I might not be, but I feel like that for everyone, anytime someone does something for me or my family, I feel it was done because I was a bother.

Moving on, a lot of people think their house would be spotless, being able to stay home. I try my best to keep the place in ‘decent shape’, but between ordering stuff online, broken appliances, toys everywhere, and having a bunch of stuff that we have no room for, it’s very hard to keep this place spotless.

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I’m lucky to sweep at least once a week or vacuum. Dishes, the ones that we use the most get rewashed everyday, the other just sit until we need them. I’ve gotten all the dishes done at one point, but they stack up quicker. Laundry has been difficult because of the fact that they are broken.

It’s not just that, I worry about not being able to pay off bills, my own medical bills. I worry about little things, but they turn into giant things because my mind makes them a big thing.

You also have to take in fact that my daughter always wants me, so doing stuff around the house during the day is difficult. ‘You can get them done when she goes to sleep or takes a nap.’ Yeah, I can, during her naps, I try to get as much as I can done, but when she goes to sleep for the night, it’s difficult because I’m exhausted and I usually take that time to relax doing what I want to do. Sometimes, I’m just too tired and just go to bed.

The one thing people always asks me is: Do you love being a stay-at-home mom?

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Yes and no. The no part is that you don’t socialize very much with adults, chores can be a challenge to do, you get depressed very quickly, you mind feels, and you never get a break, sometimes. Why do I love it? I get to see my daughter reach milestones. Watch laugh, cry, walk, find her voice, play with her toys, talk, and most of all, make her known that she is loved.

If you are a stay-at-home mom and can get all the chores done, being able to sit on the couch folding laundry with a cup of coffee, watching your kids favorite T.V. show, good for you! I’m glad you have the motivation to do all that, I wish I had motivation for that.

But, if you are like me, where we barely get stuff done, spend it most with our kids, forgetting to sweep, worrying about what to do with stuff that you can’t decided to throw away or keep. It’s okay!

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It’s okay that our emotions get in the way, we just have to learn to deal with them in the most healthiest way possible. It’s okay if you reach out for help, sometimes you just need an outsiders point of view.

Posted in Uncategorized

What’s Going On For My Blog, YouTube Channel, and Facebook Page?

Hey Dearies! It has been awhile since I’ve posted a blog post and I wanted to chat up with you about what has been happening in my life and the future of my blog, YouTube channel, and Facebook page.

I’m NOT done! Making this very clear! I ain’t quitting any time soon!

I’ve had a lot going on in my personal life and we also had a death in the family. I’m doing my best to mourn over our family’s lost, it’s a lot easier said than done. So, if I’m not able to post stuff on here or any of my social media platforms, please be patient with me.

Another thing that is happening is that there is a lot going on in my mind. The holidays can be very difficult for me because of the lost of my son. It can be difficult to do some stuff with my daughter and realize I won’t ever be able to do it with my son.

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Anyway, that’s what has been going on, but let’s talk about what the future is going to be like for the following platforms of mine.

My Facebook Page/Online Business (Katie’s Craft Studio):

I’m very active, when it comes to my Facebook page, so if you are ever looking for an update, check it out! It is where I will mostly post any updates or when blog posts are going to be out.

The online business, I am trying to get some more stuff together, working on a logo and business card. If you want to order anything that I offer, you can send me an e-mail or message me on my Facebook page for the time being.

I am currently working on a online order form for my small business, but it is still in the works. I’ll update the status of that on my Facebook page. I have thought about Etsy, but I want to offer more products, but I need to have the clients to order them first. Again, I’ll be posting an update on it.

My Blog: 

Yes, I will still be doing my blog. I have a couple new ideas, just to make sure that I am active everyday. I am also still working on Unclear 2, which I will explain that in a second.

Starting January 1st, I will be doing the 365 blog posts, it’s like a writing prompt which can help be become a better blogger and writer, so that will be public for your viewing pleasure.

Unclear 2 is in the works, it is out on Wattpad and I have been updating it, very slowly, but I will be doing a ‘short story’ of the month where I have a set theme and I have to write a short story on that theme or topic.

I’ll start doing reviews about anything. From books, TV shows, movies, or products! I’ve always wanted to do this, so for next year, I’m going to try my best to make it happen, at least once a month!

As for Crafty Sassy, I am going to have a plan on what items I would like to show every Tuesday. I can go live on my Facebook page, but I feel it would be better to give you guys an actually video on how to make some of the stuff, but more edited and clear to understand. Which will be posted on my blog and on my YouTube page, but we will get to that.

For wrestling and WWE stuff, I’m going to try and figure something out with that because I still love watching it, but it might just be for the pay-per-views and what I thought about the matches. I have thought about doing just a Superstar of the month and not every week because I feel like I have rushed most of them and I want to take the time to make them better.

The gaming part of my blog will be more active! I have a few ideas and I am actually going to try and live stream for my YouTube channel. I will also record myself showing how to’s- for Minecraft, Sims, etc.

YouTube Channel (KatiePurrPurr):

Nope, I’m also not done for this either. Although, I am working on getting a better camera because the one I have isn’t the best, when it comes to going live. So for now, I’ll try my best to ‘work with it’, but it isn’t going to be the best thing ever. I also need to get some better lighting as well.

The Sims series, I am working on it, right now, I do have a problem with the Sims because I need them to get to the weekend days, so that I can film. I will also have different idea for the series, I’m going to ‘free film’, basically filming without having a script. I’ve never done that before, but it will be new to me!

The second episode is in the works, I just need to film it and then I will go from there.

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So, a few things are changing for my platforms, but I’m not done! I’m not giving up! I just need to get back on track, which I will be on January 1st of 2019. For the time being, I will do my best to post stuff, but it might just be Crafty Sassy stuff.

Thank you for all that have supported me and have stayed with me through this progress!

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Getting Rid Of An Animal

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I know it’s been awhile since I’ve did a Mom Talk. This might be a little off topic, but I want to take a second to talk about something that is so hard to do. Getting rid an animal from your home.

I’m going to talk about two ways that people can get rid of animals: Surrender to a shelter or re-home to a new family.

A lot of people think that there is no difference to each of these, but there is. Getting rid of animal is a very difficult decision to do. It doesn’t matter what situation it is, doing it is very hard to do.

This week, we had to re-home our 2 year dog. Now, I’m not going to go into details of why, but here is a little back story. We got him at the beginning of the year, last year, then we got pregnant with our daughter and when she was born, the dog got very jealous over our daughter.

Long story short, the best option was to re-home him for our daughters safety. So, we wanted to try and re-home him through our family on Facebook. No one seemed to have room for him, but we tried for a month, just to see if anyone would be able to take him, rather than him going back to where we first got him.

Now this isn’t the first time we had to get rid of an dog. We had a dog before we were pregnant with Liam. When we found out we had to go to Boston for Liam to be born, we asked around, but no one wanted to watch our dog for that time we were in Boston. So, re-homing him was the best option.

It was the best thing we did for him. We found a great couple to take him and they have had him ever since and I’m glad we did. If it was a different situation, we might of still had him.

So what’s the difference between re-home him to someone else versus giving them back to the shelter?

Well, let’s just say, for me, being in the shelter, they made me feel like crap. I had called them before I came in, but once I got to the front desk, I started to cry. They handed me a tissue and gave me the paperwork to fill out about him.

Once that was done, I spend the last few minute with him, crying trying to get my last goodbyes to him. It was so much for me that I still kept crying when I got back to the car. The lady told me that this is very hard for some people to do, but it’s even worst to go to a shelter.

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When you walk in, you have eyes all on you. I felt that everyone has something to say about me surrendering my dog. What they don’t know is that it was the best decision to re-home him. It was for the safety of our family.

The sad thing about going to the shelter, was that we had to get rid of our older cat and she was still there, which broke my heart. As much as I didn’t want to get rid of her, we had to, due to her scratching my daughter.

So, if you were one of those people that look at those people, who are giving up their animal, please don’t judge them. It’s hard enough to surrender an animal. Don’t judge those people who are doing that. There is a reason behind it all.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: The Secret Behind Shrek Forever After

If you have no idea what ‘Shrek’ is, then I highly recommend you check it out the entire series. Growing up, the Shrek series was something that we watched, almost on a daily, but in the last movie, of the saga, I noticed something.

So, if you haven’t watched all the movies, I’m going to break down the first 3 real quick:

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  1. Shrek: In the first Shrek, we meet Shrek and how he is an ogre who lives alone in his swamp, but that is taken from him when the outlawed fairy tale creatures decide that they are going to stay on Shrek’s land. So, Shrek goes to the person who banned them onto his swamp, when arriving to Lord Farrquad castle, Farrquad sets him on a quest to rescue Princess Fiona, so that Lord Farrquad can marry her and become king. Long story short, Fiona and Shrek start to fall in love and Shrek finds out about her curse and how after sunset, she turns into an ogre.
    1. Shrek fell in love with Fiona, regardless of who the were on the outside. Mortal of this story is that your true love can be in anyone.
  2. Shrek 2: We see Fiona and Shrek go off and enjoy their honeymoon, at the end of the last movie, they got married. When the real Prince Charming comes to save her, he finds out that she has already been saved and that she just got married. Shrek and Fiona get invited to Far Far Away for Fiona’s father to give his blessing on the marriage. Shrek and the King don’t get along very well because Prince Charming was suppose to rescue Fiona. The King follows the orders of the Fairy Godmother and tries to get rid of Shrek, by hiring an hit man, Puss n Boots. Shrek then steals a potion, thinking that Fiona would better off by being human and together, they both transform into a human. Charming tries to ‘pretend’ to be Shrek. At the end, the King saves Shrek’s life and gives his blessing.
    1. Shrek didn’t have a very good relationship with his father-in-law, but because the King and Queen assumed that it would be Prince Charming instead. The real mortal of the story is that Shrek transformed into an human to make Fiona happy, but when he realizes that she loved him for him and that deep down, Fiona embraced being an ogre.
  3. Shrek The Third: In this one, Shrek and Fiona are going all the royal duties because the King has been sick. Shrek realizes that he would rather be back home in his swamp. On the Kings deathbed, he tells Shrek of the last air for the throne, giving Shrek and Fiona another option if they just wanted to live their lives back at the swamp. Shrek, Donkey, and Puss leave Far Far Away to go get Arthur, the next air. Fiona tells him that she is pregnant. Shrek has nightmares about being a father because his father wasn’t really in the picture much. Shrek basically practices on Arthur on how to become a father and saves Arthur’s life when Charming over rules the kingdom. Charming puts on a play where he wants to kill Shrek in front of everyone, but Arthur saves Shrek’s life and takes his role to be King, while Shrek and Fiona go home with 3 new babies.
    1. I think the mortal of the story was more for those who think they are going to be terrible parents when they find out that their spouse is pregnant. Sometimes they think that having kids would ruin their life, but Shrek learned that they make life better.

 

Now, that you kinda have a background on what each movie is about, we are finally, going to talk about the last movie from the Shrek Saga, Shrek Forever After.

As an adult, when you have kids, you tend to watch a lot of movies that you used to watch when you were a kid. The Shrek Series was something we watched all the time. My daughter loves anything animated and she doesn’t mind to watch them with me.

Well, when we finally got to the last current Shrek movie, I noticed something that I wouldn’t have noticed when I was a kid. Shrek embraces the parenting life, but when he realizes that he can’t always have some peace and quiet, and that things would go back to the way they were.

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Shrek feels that he his living in a boring life that seems it would never end, but he has enough, at his kids birthday party. When him and Fiona go outside to talk about, he tells Fiona how he wished he could have his swamp life back. Rumpelstiltskin overhears and offers Shrek a “Ogre For A Day”, meaning Shrek would be able to live a day as an ogre, but he would have to give a day to get a day.

Shrek tells Rumple that he can have any day from his childhood, Rumple takes the day he was born as payment. Shrek enjoys his time as an ogre, but he finds a poster with the Fiona’s face wanted, he looks to find her, but gets captures by Rumple and finds out that after his day is up, he’ll be gone, unless he has true loves first kiss.

Shrek finds Fiona and finds out that she recused herself from the tower. Shrek tries everything to have Fiona fall in love with him, all over again. Before his day is up, Fiona kisses him, and realized that he was her true love because he broke her curse.

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When Shrek gets back, he realizes how happy he was with his little family and that there was nothing he wouldn’t change about it.

You see, when you have kids, you thing that its going to be so easy and that you will still be able to do whatever you want, but once they are here, you might feel overwhelmed or wished you would have waited to have them.

I felt that way, but when I let my daughter spend the night with her grandmother, I missed her like crazy, even if I spent the time alone with my fiance, we both missed her like crazy.

Sometimes, having kids brings people closer together, other times, they can bring people to stay away or not want to be apart of it.

Having kids doesn’t ruin your life, it does change it. Some people, its the end of the world, but for me, they are a product of my fiance and I’s love for each other that we get to show the world.

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There is nothing in this world I would rather have than my wonderfully unperfect, little family. Just like Shrek found out, even though he found out the hard way, but he found that his little family was worth fighting for.

Posted in Gaming

TS2 – Something Unexpected (Getting To Know The Characters)

Hey dearies! So, if you haven’t since on my Facebook and Twitter, I have just completed my first EVER Sims 2 Series! This is one of the big projects that I have been working on and I wanted to give you guys, more info on my characters.

So, I loved watching Sims 2 series ALL the time! To this day, I still watch them. There are some of my favorites that have stopped because they either were done making them or just didn’t have enough time to create them because they have grown up.

Now, that I finally have gotten my hands on the Sims 2, for the past couple months, I have been adding content, mods, watching videos, learning to film, and just playing around with the Sims 2. I don’t know why or what it is, but Sims 2 Series is just amazing, to me.

I finally had a script, for the very first episode and finally had time to create it! If you want to check out the very first episode of Something Unexpected, check out the link:

I got the idea from actually, one of my books, Something Unexpected. You guys might not have seen it on my blog, yet, but it was a book that I just finished and it was about a girl who has always listened to her parents, but when the ‘bad boy’ of the school enters her life, she stands up for herself and takes the time to find herself.

I will point out that this series and the book are NOT the same. The only big thing, that will be the same, is their names and some plots from the story itself. The book version, is a little too dirty for me to make with the Sims 2, so I figured I would change the plot and script a little bit.

Now, I will be completely honest with you, it isn’t the best, but I am a beginner and in order for me to improve is to fix or change the way I film or any of that. Basically, I am going to learn from my mistakes from each video I produce. So, let’s get into a little bit about the cast!

Characters:

  • Madison ‘Maddie’ (16)
    • She is the ‘main character’ of this story. She’s very creative and smart, top of her class. Her parents are like normal, not so much her mother, she give Madison a little bit of a hard time because of how she is. Madison doesn’t have very many best friends, other than Sami, so she took a chance and went on an online chatroom, that’s when she met Xajacks42(otherwise known as Jax, but she doesn’t know yet).
    • Family: Her parents, Daniel and Connie, are still married, but their relationship has been rocky because of how strict Connie is to their children. Madison also has a little sister, Fiona, she always wants Madison’s attention.
  • Jackson ‘Jax’ (17)
    • He is the bad boy of the school. Always gets into trouble and is kind of a ‘lady’s man’, but he is dating one of the most popular girls in school (go figure). He plays video games and met MadMadis88(Madison, but he doesn’t know yet either.) in an online chatroom. He usually has party’s, a lot, at his house, so he hangs out with his best friend, Nathan.
    • Family: He lives with his dad, Jim, but he is barely home, due to being a business man. His mother died when Jax was 9, from a car accident.
  • Nathan ‘Nate’ (16)
    • He is Jax’s best friend. Lives with his parents. He doesn’t really have many hobbies, other than sports. He has a huge crush on Madison, due to her father and his father are best friends and business partners to a major company. He actually finds out that Jax is talking to Madison and uses it to blackmail one of them (Not going to say because it would ruin the series for you.)
    • Family: His parents are all about business. They love their son, but plan on using Nathan crush to keep the family business to stay in the family.
  • Sami (16)
    • Best friends with Madison, they have been friends since they both started school. Sami is, what you would say, a ‘tree hugger’ and a artist. She lives with her mom and brother, but has a part time job, to help keep the family afloat.
  • Savannah (17)
    • The ‘popular girl’ of school. She is all about Jax and doesn’t ever want to let him go. She is also the ‘school slut’, since she used to cheat on Jax with other classmates. She really doesn’t like Madison, just because she is the ‘school nerd’ and that her brother has a huge crush on her. Basically she is annoyed with how much her brother talks about her. She lives with her parents, and older brother.

There you have it! Just a little bit about my characters. This is going to be a working progress, so bare with me when I try to upload a new episode every month. That’s the goal, but if there is any issues, I’ll post on my twitter and Facebook page to let you guys know!

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Being Afraid Of The Scale

Image result for stepping on a scale

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see in the mirror is me. Not just me, but the extra weight that hangs over, under my arms, under my chin, and the worse, the muffin top.

Ever since I’ve been little, I hated the scale. In school, I didn’t want to step on it and have everyone find out what my weight was. To this day, stepping on the scale scares me. I’m afraid of it being too high. I’m afraid of everyone knowing my number of how much I weigh.

It’s hard for me to even think about losing weight, because I always hear everyone around me saying, ‘Isn’t she too young to be big for that size?’. It has scared me, to the point where I was ready to give up on trying to lose weight and ignore the comments.

The comments would always come back to haunt me. Even after having kids, I still haven’t managed to lose the baby weight, but other mothers are so lucky and drop it at the snap of their fingers. I’ve always wanted to be just like those moms, drop the extra weight and keep it off.

This morning, after I woke up, I did something I wouldn’t normally do. Step on the scale.

Just pulling it from under my sink, I worried on how big the number was going to be, even with me doing yoga for about a week. What if the number is too high? What if the yoga isn’t working or I’m not putting in enough effort? What if I am eating too much?

Those questions kept circling my mind as I finally stepped onto the scale. My face flushed as I looked down at the haunting number. 234.8. A lot of you might not think that its a lot, but for me, I have been in the 200’s since high school. It puts a damper on your mind. Or for me, I tell myself that it’s not good enough.

You see, we are told at a young age that we can’t be ‘big’ or ‘fat’. Even in school, they make us take a test on how ‘healthy’ we are, or to see how ‘overweight’ we are. To me, it made me feel that I had to be skinny to fit in, have friend, do sports, or even join teams.

Maybe its just me, that has problems trying to lose weight. Maybe I’m the only one having issues with it. It gets harder to want to do anything when technology keeps getting better and is making us become more lazy or not have motivation to do anything.

The real issue is that no of us should be afraid of stepping on a scale, but stepping on a scale will give you, not just a number, but where you would fit on the scale of what is socially normal to be, in this world today.

Next time you see an overweight person, don’t judge them because they are fat or look overweight, don’t judge them. You should only judge them as a person by their personality, not their looks.

Image result for quotes on losing weight motivation

Posted in My Secret Love

My Secret Love (Chapter 4)

My Secret Love Book Cover

Sorry guys for being late uploading this! Here is chapter 4!

If you haven’t read chapter 3, here is the link!
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/08/10/my-writing-my-secret-love-chapter-3/

~Chapter 4~

I woke up to a boy and a girl, jumping on the bed. They looked so much like me.
“Mommy, mommy! Wake up!” The little boy said as he tried pulling me out of bed. “Come on Mommy. Daddy says that we can open presents now.” The little girl said as I got out of bed and walked down the stairs, holding their little hands.
I walked into the living room to find a fully decorative tree, lights went all around the room. Then I saw him. He was grabbing a little box that was hidden underneath the tree. I sat done with the little ones, as they cuddled up close to me.
“Jacob. Lila. Can you give this to Mommy?” he said, handing the kids a tiny box. They gave it to me, but I still couldn’t see who it was.
As I opened the box, my eyes widen. No one knew what the meaning of this present, but two people. I knew what it was, so didn’t Michael. I picked up the necklace that had a shell, sand dollar, and a little bottle of sand.
My eyes started to water as he came closer to me. When I opened my eyes, it was Michael. I didn’t know what to think.
I woke up and looked around the room. I was still home. I sat up and checked the time then rubbed my eyes. Tanner was still sleeping and I slowly got out of bed and went into the living room. I looked towards the balcony and saw a figure.
I walked toward the glass doors to the balcony and then I saw him.
“What are you doing here, Michael?” I asked as I saw the faint grin that was coming off his face. His black hoodie was still over his head.
“What, no more Mikey?” He said.
“You need to go before Justin wakes up and sees you.”
“Or what? He’ll kick my ass? I doubt that. I’ve kicked his ass plenty of times.” He chuckled. I crossed my arms and gave him an disgusted look, but he came closer to me. “I’ve missed you, sweetheart and so haven’t you.”
“No, just leave, okay? I’m happy with Justin. I don’t need you to repeat the past.” I said as he took off his hood and I stared into his eyes. He brushed his hand up against my cheek. Chills went up my back, but it felt good.
“Okay, okay, I’ll just come back another time.” He pulled away and threw a hand through his hair. “I’ll be in town for awhile. I’ll come visit you when you’re in a better mood, but I can’t leave without this.”
He walked back towards me, brushed my hair behind my ear and then pulled me in for a kiss. That spark we had when we kissed, make me warm and happy inside, like his lips were a drug that I wanted to abuse, but I pulled away.
“Stop doing that!” I said. “I love Justin.”
He laughed, but then slowly came closer to my ear. “If you really loved him, you wouldn’t of let me kiss you.” Just like that, he was gone. Jumped down the fire escape and ran into the small woods that were right behind where I lived.
I then went back inside and locked the door to the balcony. I didn’t know what to do about him, but my one question is what is he doing here? Why did he come back? I laid in my bed, trying to answer some of my questions.
I laid on Justin’s chest, slowly drifted off to sleep.

If you can’t wait for the next chapter, check out my book on Wattpad. Just search katieasehl. You’ll find my finished and current works. At the moment, I am starting to work on an Unclear 2! 

Chapter 5:
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/08/17/my-writing-my-secret-love-chapter-5/

Posted in Unclear

Unclear – 10 Years Later, Happy Ending (Chapter 20) ~End~

Unclear Book Cover

Hey dearies! I didn’t know how short this ending was, I’m sorry about that! So, for an extra special, I am going to give you guys a NEW chapter from one of my other books!

If you haven’t read Chapter 19, here is the link!
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/30/my-writing-unclear-all-just-a-dream-chapter-19/

Jade’s P.O.V. 
I never thought that I would be a mother. Even when I dreamed about it, I never thought I would be able to have any kids after the accident. I moved into Tanner’s place after the accident. He has helped me so much. We fell in love all over again and got married 3 years later.
And now, we are parents to twins. Just like in the dream.
But, come to find out…
My best friend is dead. He died 3 weeks after the twins were born. I do miss him. I’ll think about here and then, but he doesn’t spend too much time on my mind.
Tanner’s sister is married and is expecting a little boy.
My mom and her new husband ended up splitting up after she lost the babies.
And me? Well, I’ve been a stay at home mother and also been teaching students online for a living. But after everything I’ve been through, I’m finally happy. I just wished my sister and father were here.
I’m glad that I have a family of my own. It’s perfect for my happy ending.

So, I’m debating on creating a sequel because I didn’t realize how I ended it, so I will keep you guys posted on my Facebook and Twitter. Hope you all enjoyed this story! If you have any feedback, please feel free to let me know! 

Posted in Podcast

Let’s Rant – Episode 2 (13 Reason Why)

Hello Dearies! So, for this podcast, I wanted to talk about a TV Series that has everyone talking about, 13 Reasons Why. Netflix released the second season earlier this year, yes I know I am a behind on talking about it.

Anyway, if you haven’t seen it on Netflix, I recommend you NOT to listen in. I will also be talking about the book as well, and yes, this series was based off a book!

Image result for 13 reasons why book cover

So, a spoiler alert is needed.

Image result for 13 reasons why

Click here if you want to listen in to the tapes that the author created for the book:
https://www.youtube.com/user/Hannahsfriend13/featured

If you are struggling with life or need someone to talk to, here is the Lifeline website. There is always another option!!! It’s better to talk about it than be silent!
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Here is the website, from the TV series:
https://13reasonswhy.info/

Here is the website from the actually book, with more information:
http://www.thirteenreasonswhy.com/

Check out my YouTube channel, it has all my podcasts and much more!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzooJ6mOChq1CCHgAiPGC8g

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Why I Decided To Fix An Old Friendship

Image result for best friend quotes

So, if you have been reading or following my blog since April of this year, I talked about how I had to get rid of one of my best friends because it was too much unwanted drama and stress. I didn’t fix that relationship, believe me, it’s not worth fixing, to me.

I’m talking about another relationship that I destroyed back in my senior year of high school. I can’t really remember why I got rid of her as a friend. I believe it was because I thought she was more drama, but I don’t have a set reason on why I did what I did.

I’ve known her since the 10th grade, but we really connected and became best friends in 11th grade. We had many fights, but always fixed them as soon as possible. When senior year was coming to an end, I ended the friendship. Maybe because I didn’t think I would see her as much? Maybe I wanted to end the pain of losing her as a friend?

The only thing I can think of is that I was very immature and everyone in high school can be immature. What really made me look back and realized all the stupid shit I did and all the people I pushed out of my life, was when I lost my son.

When you go through something as difficult and it changes you. You think of things differently, you rethink all your actions, and you become more mature after going through something as difficult as death or anything.

After my son died, I deleted my old Facebook and created a new one a few months after, I wanted time away from social media. Well, in the past couple weeks, I saw her profile pop up on my suggestions list for friends. I debated on whether on messaging her or not, just because on how I ended things so quickly and without reason.

I’ll be honest, when I finally got the courage to message her, I literally had it all wrote out on my phone, planning on what I was gonna say to her. Deep down, I knew that I should at least be an adult and say sorry for all the crap I caused. All I thought she would do is have my ass handed to me, which I totally deserved, but I was shocked.

I think she was shocked too when I sent that message, but I’m glad I did. She forgave me, something I didn’t think that would happen, but she did. It shows how much we have both grown up in the past almost 3 years.

We ended up telling each other everything we have done within the past 3 years. We even talked about our high school days. I was shocked to find out that she had been thinking about me too, wondering why I got rid of her as a friend.

If I looked back at the only really close friendships I had, the one I had with her, was probably the best because we clicked a lot better that I did with my other ex best friend. The ex best friend, we had a few things in common, but I feel I was more issues and drama because she wanted to be center of attention.

I’m glad I took the shot to fix a broken friendship that I ruined. It felt good to know that after 3 years, we clicked back, just like that. Even now, that I have kids, she still would’ve stayed if I just kept her in my life, but the past is in the past. I’m going to try my best to, hopefully, keep this friendship for many more years and years to come.

Posted in Unclear

Unclear – New Life (Chapter 17)

Unclear Book Cover

Good Morning! Here is another chapter of my book! Only a few more chapters left! I also wanted to let everyone know, if you haven’t noticed, I have updated each chapter, so before you read the current chapter you are on, I will have a link for the chapter before and at the end, I will have a link to the next chapter, from the one you are currently on. 

If some of the link aren’t working, let me know, so I can fix them! I also have a list of all the chapter. I will be updating that as well, until the end of the book!

If you haven’t read Chapter 16, here is the link!
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/20/my-writing-unclear-its-time-chapter-16/

Enjoy!

~New Life~

Jade’s P.O.V.
“Just a few more pushes.” Doctor Locke said as I pushed. “One more.” Then I heard crying. Tanner looked at me and kissed me. “It’s a boy!”
“How is he? He’s healthy right?” I asked. Worried that something might be wrong.
“He’s perfectly fine, but we need to get the next one out now.” He said as he handed my son to one of the nurses. “Okay, push.” I pushed and pushed.
“Okay, I see it’s head, now one more push.” I pushed and then hear the crying of my second child. “It’s a girl!” I smiled in relief. I felt exhausted. Tanner kissed me once more.
“They are beautiful.” Tanner said. I smiled. I then started to fade. “Jade?” I heard Tanner say before I completely blacked out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tanner’s P.O.V. 
“Jade!” I said.
“Her heart rate is slowing down. You need to leave.” The doctor said as I was being pulled out of the room. They closed the door and I threw my hands in my hair. Why the hell is this happening? James came up to me.
“It everything okay?” He asked.
“The babies are fine, but they kicked me out because Jade’s heart rate started to going down.” I just wish that they would tell me what the hell is wrong. I can’t lose another person who I love. I just can’t. It would kill me.
“Don’t worry, she’s a fighter, she’ll be fine.” He said, then walked back to the waiting room. I started to pace back and forth for about 20 minutes, until one of the nurses came out from the room.
“How is she? What happened to her in there?” I asked. I couldn’t wait any longer, I needed answers.
“She lost a lot of blood. Currently, she is fine, but she is in a comma. We aren’t sure how it happened, all we know is that it might be a while, before she wakes up.” My eyes started to water. How the hell did this happen? Then the nurse spoke again. “You can go in and see her, if you like, but why don’t you meet your son and daughter.”
I followed the nurse to the nursery. She then picked up my son and handed me him. Just holding him in my arms was priceless. It really was. A tear slipped from my eye, as I held his little hands. He was just so tiny. Perfect.
The nurse then switched with me, so that I could hold my daughter. She looked so much like Jade. It sadden me that Jade wasn’t able to hold our children before she went into a comma. I just hoped that she will wake up in time for us to all go home as a family.
“Did you have any names in mind?” The nursed asked as I looked up at her and then back down to my daughter.
“Yeah, we had names picked out.” I paused, “I just didn’t think it would just be me to name them.”
“I understand, but they do need names.”
“I know.” I said, looking down at my daughter. She was just as beautiful as her mother. I then started to think back to when we were talking about baby names.
A few months ago…
“What about Matthew?” Jade said, we were siting on our couch, both looking for baby names. She was looking through a baby book that had a list of names, while I was looking on my phone.
“I like it, but what about Norman?” I said. Jade looked at me and questioned me.
“Norman? That sounds like a old person’s name.” I looked over at her. “So? Everyone names their kid Matthew, it’s a very common name.” I explained, she looked back at her book.
“What about Logan? Logan Michael? I can see that. What do you think?” She asked.
“Sounds good to me. I think I can live with our son being named that.” She smiled. “And for a girl, we should name her Athena Lynn.”
“That’s beautiful. How did you come up with that?”
“It was my great-grandmother’s name.” I said, looking at her. She smiled. “So are we done with name picking because I think that we are done, finally.” She rolled her eyes.
“Yes, we are done.” She paused and placed my hand on her stomach. “They are kicking.” I smiled when I felt them kicking.
“They must like their names.” I smiled and took my other hand and placed it on her cheek. “That and they must love their mommy.”
“And their daddy.” Jade added as I came in and kissed her.
I smiled. As I looked down at my daughter. “Her name is Athena Lynn.”
The nurse then handed me my son and I held both children in my arms. “His name is Logan Michael.” I then placed a kiss on both of them. The nurse took my daughter and placed her down. I then placed my son down.
Now that I saw my children and held them for the first time, I wanted to see Jade.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jame’s P.O.V.
As I walked back to the waiting room, Jade’s mother and Savannah were waiting. Savannah shot up and walked over to me.
“How is she? Is she okay? How are the babies?” She questioned me. I looked at her and my face sadden. She’s gonna be just as hurt as I was when Tanner told me.
“The babies are healthy, but Jade’s heart rate started to go down and the doctors kicked Tanner out. They haven’t said what was wrong with her, yet.” I said. Savannah started to cry. Jade’s mother walked over and her eyes started to water.
“I feel so bad.” Jade’s mother said. “I could’ve fixed the relationship we had, but instead, I give all my attention to my husband.” Savannah hugged her.
“It’s not your fault. People do crazy things, when their in love.” Savannah said. She had a point. I ruined a chance to be with Jade and because of that, she’s with Tanner. They’ll make one great family. “But we aren’t here about that. We are here to support Jade and Tanner. Come on, let’s go get some coffee, while we wait for more news from Tanner.”
I ended up siting in one of the waiting room chairs. I can’t believe that this is happening. Jade doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve me as a friend. Why the hell did I come?
My phone then started to go off. It was my girlfriend calling me.
“Hello?”
“Where the hell have you been?” she yelled.
“I’ve been at the hospital. Jade just had her babies.”
“What! Do you even know what day it is today?”
“Um, our anniversary? Your birthday?”
“No and no! We had plans to go out to the club tonight!”
“Well, I’m really not up for clubbing.”
“Why not?? You promised!”
“Ugh, fine. Just let me find out what the hell happened to Jade and then I’ll be on my way to pick you up.”
“Well, hurry the fuck up! Or you don’t get your surprise.”
“Okay, okay. I’m on my way now. See you in a few.” I then hung up on her. Fuck. I got up and started to walk out the door, until Savannah stopped me. She was just by herself.
“Where are you going?” She asked. I really didn’t have time for this. I just realized that ‘surprise’ my girlfriend had for me, it’s a threesome and I’m not going to pass it up.
“I’ve got to go. Keep me updated.” I said, as I ran out of the hospital.

Next chapter will be out on Friday! If you can’t wait to finish the book, you can always go to Wattpad and search katieasehl, not only will you find Unclear, but you will also find other books that I have wrote or I’m currently working on. 

Chapter 18:
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/27/my-writing-unclear-prayers-anything-please-chapter-18/

Posted in Unclear

Unclear – The Last Long Love (Chapter 15)

Image result for katieasehl wattpad

Good morning! What a great way to start your day with a little Unclear! Sadly, only 5 more chapters left! If you are one of my readers that has been reading this on every Monday and Friday, I need your help! Should I make a sequel or just show another story? 

If you haven’t read Chapter 14, here is the link!
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/13/my-writing-unclear-maries-hope-chapter-14/

~The Last Long Love~

Marie P.O.V.
“Y-You’re here?!?” I coughed again, this time there was blood coming out. I was dying and it was starting now.
“I finally found you. After two years of searching, I found you.” Eli said, coming closer to my side of the bed. Sitting down next to me, taking his hand and feeling my cheek. His hands were cold, but that’s because he’s dead. A vampire.
“I thought you were a goner when you were trapped in that house fire.” Tears started to my eyes, remember that night was torture. Deep down, I did love Eli, but he didn’t find out that I was dying until that very night when I told him. Sadly, vampires can’t have children with the living, they must be a vampire in order to have any young.
“No, I escaped in time, but was very weak. It took me a long time to heal myself, after that, I went off in searching for you.” He said, wiping my tears away. God, was he was just as beautiful as the day I first met him. “I love you, Marie. When I got here, I was told that you were in the hospital, dying, but I can help you.”
“Please help her. She’s my only family after our parents left.” My brother spoke out, but he was right, ever since our parents left, he was the only family that I had left. But he wouldn’t be alone, he has two unborn children on the way and I know for a fact that he will be a amazing father. “What can you do to help her?”
“Well, I can try two things,” Eli paused and looked up at Tanner and Jade. “One, is I give her my blood and see if she heals.”
“Okay, what is the second thing?” Jade asked.
“I’d give her my blood and if it didn’t heal her, she would become a vampire, like myself.” Eli said those last words, I didn’t think he would let me become a vampire. He wanted me to enjoy my human life, since he was unable to enjoy his.
“Wait, if she turns into one of you, she won’t be able to stand in sunlight? Or can’t be around holy water? And have to survive on just blood?” Tanner sounded worried.
“My friend, she will be fine. I’ll teach her everything she knows. I also have a ring that allows her to walk in the sunlight.” Eli said as I coughed again, harder and more blood started to come out. Eli grabbed a towel and handed it to me. “She’s getting worse. A few more coughs like that and she might be dead.”
“But what if I become a horrible beast that might feed on my niece and nephew? And don’t ever stop.” I asked. That was the only thing that I was worried about. I didn’t want to become a monster that hurts everyone in my path. I can’t do that.
Eli pushed my hair out of my face and I looked into his eyes. “I won’t let you get like that, my love. I’ll make sure of it.” He kissed my cheek and looked up at Tanner. “It’s her choice if she wants to change. I won’t force her to do anything, but just remember that she won’t be the same after this transformation. Because of this, once she is changed, I’m going to take her far away from here and help her get over her craving for blood, so that when your children are born, neither you or your family will be put to harm.”
Tanner walked over to me and kissed my forehead. “It’s your choice, but I would want you to be there for my unborn children. If you think you can do it, I’ll support you.”
“I want to change.” I coughed harder again. Eli then bit his wrist and fed me his blood. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. Then Eli pulled away.
“You must let me take her away from here now, otherwise you’ll have to watch her go in pain and die.” Eli said as Tanner nodded ‘yes’. He picked me up and we were gone, just like that.
“It hurts!” I yelled. My heart felt like it just exploded. I couldn’t breathe or move. I just laid there in pain. “Just kill me!”
“Love, it is. I can kill you, but I don’t want to hurt you like that. It’s almost over.” Eli said. Then my vision became blurry. Everything stopped. I didn’t feel alive anymore. I felt dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eli’s P.O.V.
Her transformation was complete. It was only a matter of days of when she would awaken as a vampire. I grabbed her phone and dialed the number that was her brothers.
“Marie! Are you alright?” He answered
“It’s me, Eli. And she has just finished her transformation.”
“Okay, but when can I see her again?”
“Well, once she wakes up, I’ll teach her to survive on blood bags. Then I’ll have to teach her to refrain from killing any humans. It really depends on how strong she can maintain it.”
“And how long will that take?” He asked. I knew this question couldn’t be answered right on. It all depends on Marie and how she changes.
“I can’t say for sure, but I will make sure that she contacts you when she is awake. It could be months or even years. It all depends on her. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Please take care of her, she is the only one I have left.” Then he hung up. I then placed her phone down and walked over to the window.
I can’t believe that I changed her. I wanted her to live a wonderful human life, but after that curse that was placed on her, she might not wake up for weeks. I love her, but I never wanted her to have this life. The only thing I can do now is help her, so that she doesn’t do the same mistake that I did years ago.
That might take a very long time. I just hope that she won’t change to become a completely different person. Just like my brother did.

Next chapter will be out on Friday! If can’t wait and want to keep reading, my book, Unclear, is on Wattpad! Just search katieasehl, and you will not only find Unclear, but other works that I written or are currently working on. 

Chapter 16: It’s Time
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/07/20/my-writing-unclear-its-time-chapter-16/

Posted in Unclear

Unclear – 3 Months (Chapter 7)

Image result for katieasehl wattpad

Happy Monday dearies! Another chapter is out! Enjoy!

If you haven’t read Chapter 6, here is the link!
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/15/my-writing-unclear-i-need-to-tell-them-chapter-6/

~3 Months~

I can’t believe that I’m pregnant. 3 months pregnant. I finally moved out of James’ house. I now live with Savannah, even tho I told her that I would try to move out before the baby s born and I’m so not going back to my mother’s house.
Tanner and I started hanging out more, he isn’t as bad as I thought he was. He’s really sweet and so kind. I think I’m starting to fall for him. I don’t know what it is, but I haven’t felt this way about anyone other than James, but James and I are better off as friends, unless the baby is his.
James’ still tries to call and text me, to the point where I changed my number completely. Plus, I heard that he started drinking more. Tanner saw him outside the gas station, drunk and begging for money. Honestly, he did it to himself. He shouldn’t of brought that up.
As I walked into the house, Savannah was sitting and watching T.V.. Ricky must be asleep for his nap. Savannah looked up at me as I closed the door.
“So, how did it go?” She asked.
“It went really good.” I answered and then sat next to Savannah.
“See? I told you Tanner was a nice guy!” She said changing the channel to MTV. Reruns of Silent Library was on, that was one of our favorite shows. “So what did you guys do?”
“Well, we went to go get lunch and they we ended up going to the mall for a little bit.” I answered, I really did have a good time and I honestly can’t wait see Tanner again.
“Wow, sounds like fun. You got a phone call from the doctors office, they wanted you to make sure you were okay to have the paternity test.”
“Yeah, I am. Did they say when they want Tanner and James to come down?” I’m so glad that they called today because I really want to know who the father really is. It’s driving me crazy!
“Whenever, they said. Basically, walk in and walk out.” She said. Great. How the hell am I going to let James know? He doesn’t have my number anymore. “Don’t worry, I already called James and told him. I knew it would be hard for you after he said that.”

 

“I couldn’t believe he brought him up.” I started to picture the fight we had in his living room. Tears were starting to form under my eyes.
“Jade, Lucas is locked up. He will never be able to get you, I will make sure of that. After what he did to you and your sister, I won’t let him anywhere near you.” Savannah gave me a hug and I started to cry.
Lucas Miller was Mandy’s boyfriend, at the time before she died. Mandy wouldn’t have sex until after high school, but Lucas kept pushing. One night, my sister had a little party for just her and her friends. My mother was visiting her parents and preparing for the funeral for my father. I was in my room playing the piano, when Lucas came in and gave me a drink.
I barely remember much from that night, than again, I never want to remember that night ever again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
James P.O.V.
It’s my fault that Jade left. I called her some stuff that isn’t even true about her. Especially, when I brought up her last pregnancy. I wouldn’t call that a pregnancy, ever. I’ve been drinking a lot more and started doing some pot and cocaine . They made me forget about Jade and I thought about my father.
Let’s just say that the way my father makes money, is wrong, but if he wants to star in porn films, be my guest. That’s why I left. I didn’t want to follow in my father’s footsteps, but look at me now, drinking and doing drugs.
I turned on the T.V. and started to roll a blunt. I was watching ‘That 70s Show’, until a reporter cut in the middle of the show.
“This just in, Lucas Miller  was just released from jail on bail. Miller was charged with rape of a minor and murder of Mandy Roy,  who was a victim of a drunk driving accident 10 years ago. More on this story at 5.”
Then it went back to the show, I lit my blunt and then picked up the phone to call Tanner, since Jade changed her number. I should at least be the nice guy to let her know. I owe her that much.
“Did you need more pot?” Tanner answered. I looked down at my coffee table, I was running low, but this is no time to do a drug deal.
“Later, but this is really important, it’s about Jade.” I said, taking another hit of my blunt.
“What about Jade?” He asked.
“You know about how her sister died, right?”
“Yeah, drunk driving accident, right?”
“Yes, but there is more to the story that the public doesn’t know.” I said putting down my blunt and taking a sip of my beer. “Lucas scared Jade for life. And now, he was just released out on bail. You got to let her know.”
“I will, and do you have my money? You still owe me $230 bucks, dude. I’m not gonna give you any more until you have paid me off completely. After that’s paid, no more loans from you anymore.” Then Tanner must of hung up the phone because the line went dead. Shit, how the hell am I going to get $230 dollars?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marie’s P.O.V
Lucas and I walked into my secret room. I had bailed him out, since I need him for my plan. I had to keep him hidden until it was time.
“So, are you going to tell me who you are?” Lucas asked, as he lit a cigarette.
“Marie and you are going to help me.” I said as I smiled. “There’s someone in the way of my happiness and you already killed her sister.”
Lucas looked up and his eyes grew big. He knew who I was talking about. I then walked to the mini fridge and handed him a beer.
“Well, then.” He said taking the beer and opening it. “Now, tell what has happened with my girl and my baby.” He grinned.

As always, if you can’t wait until Friday for another chapter, head on over to Wattpad, search my username (katieasehl). There, you will find Unclear and more written work that I have either finished or working on. Next chapter of Unclear is coming out Friday!

Chapter 8: It Was Me 
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/22/my-writing-unclear-it-was-me-chapter-8/

Posted in Unclear

Unclear – Does He Love Me? (Chapter 3)

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Good Morning my dearies! Ready for Chapter 3? Well, here it is as our usual Monday thing that we do on my blog! 

If you haven’t read Chapter 2, here is the link!
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/05/28/my-writing-unclear-chapter-2-the-mistake-chapter-2/

*Warning* There may be some mature content. I did write this back in high school, so this isn’t my very best work! I do believe there is a few dirty scenes, so read at your own risk! And of course enjoy!

~Does He Love Me?~

I decided that I didn’t want to sit and mope about my mother. So, I decided to go get some coffee. I ordered the same thing every time, Mocha Frappe. I ended up siting down, at the Cafe, and going through my Facebook. God, everyone was just so bitchy. I really do hate social media. It’s only good for one thing, starting drama. It makes me think of my old high school days, fighting about boys, looks, preps, and trying to state your opinion.
Honestly, I’m glad that I had James and Savannah by my side, otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to make it through high school. Speaking of VanVan, I might as well text her. I was just about to text her until my phone started to ring. It was my mother, again.
“Doesn’t she get that I don’t want to talk.” I said silently to myself.
“Ignoring someone?” A familiar voice spoke and as I looked up from my phone, Tanner had already sat down next to me with a cup of coffee in his hand.
“Oh, hi, Tanner.” I said. Didn’t he get that this was totally awkward?  Well, for me it is because, since I am a normal human being, I respect myself and don’t go bragging about who I slept with.
“Hello, Jade. So, who is being ignored, by a beauty, such as yourself.”
“Actually, it’s called, ‘ignoring my mother because she apparently thinks that it’s okay to not tell me things, such as the truth.” I looked up at Tanner, but I didn’t notice how beautiful his eyes were.
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, my parents walked out on us, almost 3 years ago.”
“I’m so sorry about that. Have they made any contact to you?” I felt bad, knowing that his parents walked out on him and his little sister. I can’t imagine that happening to me.
“I’m here, if you want to talk about parenting problems.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Can you just stop asking me if I’m fine?” God, this guy is caring way too much about me. Homeboy is getting attached.
“Okay, calm down, I’ll stop.” I was glad that he stopped and took a sip of my iced coffee. “The real reason why I came over was because Marie wants to do a double-date. Her and James, and I’ll be your date. James is all on board with the idea.” A double-date?? With HIM?? I just wanted one night of fun, not a serious relationship. Not yet, anyway.
“No thanks, I’ve got a boyfriend.” I lied.
“Really now? You suddenly have a boyfriend now? It was less than a week ago that we slept together.” My eyes widen. What did I ask him to do? Never to mention this! Fuck!
“Don’t say another word about that night. It was a drunken mistake. Just forget about it.” I said and got up and walked out of the Cafe and over to my Jeep. Of course, Tanner follows me right out to my car.
“Wait, Jade. That’s the thing, I can’t stop thinking about that night or you.” I stopped in my path. Oh, god. I turned to face him. God, his eyes were so dreamy. I then went ahead and spoke.
“You need to. It was a mistake. If you want a booty call, go ask the neighborhood sluts, not me.” I then turned back around and got into my car. He then came over to the drivers side window. Was he not fucking done talking?
“Why are you pushing me away? I know you felt something for me, that night. You can’t lie about that.” I couldn’t. It was true. Even though, I didn’t remember the full night, some parts aren’t too blurry. Being with him that night, was honestly, the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I didn’t want to feel good. I just wanted to have fun and being in a relationship, right now, is not the plan.
“I’m sorry, I have to go. I’m not doing this, Tanner.” I said as he backed away from the car and I pulled away. God, why does love hurt so much? Plus it’s also so confusing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I then drove back to the house. James was home, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. I then walked to the shore. I took my shoes off and sat down on the sand and felt the cold ocean water touch my toes. This was my only escape. The beach. Honestly, the only reason why I lived next to my mother, was because she lived by the beach as well.
But, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stop thinking about Tanner and James? I love James, but Tanner doesn’t want to be, just my friend. What if I give him a chance? Will it be weird? I know better than that to fall in love. I’ve made that mistake once, and he still doesn’t know. But, what if he loves me? I just wish that everything was back to normal. Mom was single and not pregnant, James wasn’t talking to other girls, and Mandy and Dad were alive and well.
I was thinking so hard that I forgot to notice that there was someone behind me, which, by the way, scared the shit out of me.
“Well, JJ. What’s wrong, girl?” I knew that voice. It was Savannah, my other best friend. She sat down next to me and gave me a side hug. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your party, last week.”
“I know, it’s fine. How’s Ricky?” I smiled. She then looked at me and smiled back. “He’s doing good, but he misses his auntie.” I laughed.
“Well, of course he does! I’m the cool aunt that gives him everything that you can’t.” I smiled, she knew I was joking around.
“Well, at least you want to make an effort to see him.”
“Still no word from Connor?”
“Nope. He never wanted a kid to begin with.” I hated Connor from the moment I met him.
Connor DeVoid was a player and a spoiled brat. His parents would let him get away with anything. He would also have the biggest parties in high school. He still does now, but he moved to L.A., to get away from his duties of being a father. What really made me and Savannah hate him even more, was that his parents tried to PAY Savannah to get an abortion. I knew Savannah couldn’t do that. Ever since we were little, she would always talk about being a mother, someday. She did, and still is today.
After a little long silent pause, Savannah looked up at me and I knew what she was about to ask. “So what’s going on with your Mom?” I knew it. James spilled the beans to her about me being upset about my mom. The good thing about having James as a friend, was that he would never lied about what was going on.
“Well, you know how I moved out 5 months ago?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“Come to find out that my mom has been seeing this guy, ‘Frank’, for over a year now. And that they decided to not tell me that they were engaged or that they were planning on eloping until last week.”
“What?! Your mother isn’t like that.” Savannah looked as surprised as I were when I found out.
“I know, but to top it all off.” I paused and looked at the ocean to find someone sailing by on a sail boat. “She’s also 5 months pregnant with twins.” Savannah’s month dropped.
“OH MY GOD! Are you serious, right now?!”
“Yup. I found out all of that, last week. That’s why I didn’t answer you very much on the night of the party.”
“Ah, that’s why. James ended up texting me that you were fine, but forget about that, how was the party?”
“It was a fun-hungover-blurry night. I met someone, too.”
“Oooo, details!”
“Well, I don’t remember much, but I did get really drunk and had sex with Marie’s, older brother.” I then covered my face in shame.
“Wait, James Marie??”
“Yes…” I said very quietly.
“Jade!” Savannah shouted.
“What!?”
“Does James know?”
“Yes…”
“Well, for fucks sake! I thought you loved James?”
“I do, it’s just, he doesn’t like me that way and I was too drunk not to say no.”
“What are you feeling now? About everything?” When she asked me that, I didn’t know what to say. I loved James, but Tanner makes me feel, I don’t know…special.
“I actually don’t know.” Then my phone went off. It was a text from Tanner. I forgot that I gave him my number the morning after the party.
Tanner: Hey, you busy tonight? I was wondering if you wanted to hit up the club tonight. No funny business, I promise.
“Speak of the devil. Who is it?” Savannah asked. I frowned and showed her the message. She looked up at me and smiled. “Go out tonight. Have a good time and I promise that I will make a day where it is just us.”
“I really don’t-” Savannah stopped what I was saying and helped me up. “No, you are going. Now, get something nice on and go have fun! I’ve got to go, but I will text you tomorrow for the details of last night.”
We hugged each other and I walked her to her car and then went inside to get ready to go clubbing with Tanner. I texted him saying to pick me up at 7. I’m just wondering how tonight will play out. I breathed and then said to myself, don’t make the same mistake last time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As soon as Savannah left, I took a sip of wine and then went upstairs to get ready. I thought that tonight would be a good night to wear a dress. Hey, I felt like dressing sexy, nothing wrong with that other than people judging you, but at this point, I couldn’t give two shits. I just wanted to get drunk tonight and see what happens with Tanner.
Once I was done getting ready, I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine and sat down at the island, while I waited for Tanner to come and get me.
“So, someone’s going out tonight, I see.” James said as he came in and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. “You going out with Savannah?”
“Nope, actually I’m going out with Tanner, tonight. Savannah couldn’t, she had to leave because she got a call from the babysitter that Ricky wasn’t feeling good.” When I mentioned Tanner’s name, he froze.
“Oh, um, why are you going out with him?” He looked a little upset, but if he was upset, he was hiding it pretty well. But why the hell did he care, now? He didn’t seem to when he found out that we fucked, about a week ago.
“Well, since you and Marie are dating now, I thought that I should get to know him a little better. He seems like a nice guy. Don’t you think?” I took another sip of my wine.
“I guess. I don’t really know him well enough. Just be careful tonight, okay?” He looked worried and I nodded. Then I heard Tanner’s car pull up to our house. I heard a car door slam. Oh, great. He decided to come in and make the whole situation awkward.
“Well, looks like he’s here. I’ll see you later.” I said as I finished the last bit of wine and started walking to the door. I saw Tanner, who looked rather hot this evening. He smiled when he saw me as I opened the door.
“Wow, you look,” He paused for a moment and then pulled out a rose from behind his back. “Beautiful.”
I felt my face warming up when he handed me the rose and our skin touched each others. Oh, god, I’m blushing so much!
“T-Thank you, but is it okay for me to got put this in a vase? You can come in and sit on the couch while I go take care of this.” I asked and Tanner came in and sat down on the couch.
“Yeah, that’s fine, but hurry up, I’ve got the car running.” As soon as he said that, I found a vase and placed the single rose in the vase. God, this reminded me of my dad. He used to give us girls roses every year for Valentines Day. Even when Valentine’s Day was on a school day, he used to call Mandy and I down to the office and hand us our roses.
I placed the vase on my bed-stand and walked back out to the living. Come to find out that Marie was here. Why is she here? I frowned, but then took a deep breath and placed a smile on my face. Marie was sitting next to James, but once Tanner saw me coming down the hall, he got up and walked over to the door.
“Ready?” He smiled and I nodded my head. We then both got into his car and drove to the only nightclub in town.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
James’ POV
“I wonder what time they’ll be home by?” Marie said as we were cuddling in my bedroom. It was nice to have Marie around. We have so much in common, but there’s one problem, Jade.
I’ve started to get feelings for Jade our Junior year in high school. The only reason why I haven’t told her my feelings, is because I don’t want to lose her or this friendship. I just wished I wasn’t so scared to tell her.
I looked up at Marie and smiled. “I’m not sure, but the clubs will start to close soon, anyway.” Marie then smiled back at me.
“Hey, James?” She spoke after a few minutes of silence.
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course. What is it?” I asked. I wonder what she’s thinking?
“Well, I was wondering why you haven’t kissed me yet.” Marie sat up and so did I, but we have only been going out for almost a week. I was planing on kissing her for the first time tonight, but ever since Jade has gone out with Tanner, tonight, I kinda just want go to sleep and forget the night.
“Well,” I said, “I was waiting for the perfect moment.”
That was a lie. Well, not completely, but I’m just not in the mood for romantic stuff tonight. Come on, Jade, get back home.
Marie turned and faced me. “Well, how about we make this night a perfect moment.” The she closed her eyes and she came closer to my face. Fuck! I can’t kiss her! Then I heard a door open and Jade’s high heels clicking against the floor. Well it’s about time she’s home.
“I-I’m HOMEEE, BITCHES!” Jade shouted and then tripped walking on the carpet. Tanner was trying to keep her steady, but when Jade’s drunk, that’s impossible. Believe me, I know.
“I’m guessing your drunk?” I said as I looked up at Jade. She smiled and then fell down again. Tanner then picked her up and handed her to me.

“D-drunker than a s-skunk!” She then burped and then rested her head on my neck. It felt perfect. I quickly snapped out of it and looked at Marie.

“Well, I got to take care of her, but I will talk to you tomorrow?” I asked and she nodded and kissed me on the check. I then started to walk down the hall to the bathroom and laid her on the floor. I knew she was going to start puking soon. “I’ll be right back with some water, okay?” She nodded and rested her arms around the toilet seat.
I then walked out of the bathroom to find Tanner still here. I thought he would’ve been gone by now. “What are you still doing here?” I asked.
“We need to talk about Marie.” He said. Now what? I thought he was fine will Marie and I dating?
“About?”
“You need to stop this before it gets worse.”
“Stop what?” What the hell was he talking about?

“You need to break up with Marie. I don’t want her to be with someone who is going to lead her on, when you are in love with someone else.”
“What? I’m not in love with someone else. Leave, now.”
“Not until you break up with my sister, now.” He said as I could hear Jade starting to puke. “She’s in the car. I’ll take care of Jade.” I stopped right in front of him. “Move out of the way.”
“No. She is my best friend, I’ll take care of her.” He looked pissed off.
“What about my sister?” He asked I heard Jade puking even louder. I turned around, so my back was facing him. “Just tell her it’s over.” I then walked into the bathroom. Jade was laying on the floor and as soon as I walked in, she smiled.
“How are you feeling?” I asked as I helped her up.
“B-better, can you come w-with me to m-my r-room?” I nodded and she then walked out of the bathroom to her room. “W-wait, o-outside.”
I sat outside her room, waiting for what was going to happen next. My phone went off and it was a text message from Marie. I’ll answer her later, right now, Jade is the only important thing. When I looked up from my phone, Jade came out of here room and was only in her bra and underwear. She looked beautiful, but I know that I shouldn’t take advantage of her like that. She then posed in a some-what sexy drunken pose.
“Y-you like what you s-see?” she spoke. Of course I did, but I didn’t want to do something that she might regret in the morning.
“I’m gonna head to bed, now. So, sleep tight and I’ll see you in the morning.” I said as she frowned. I then left her room and climbed into bed. Why did she had to be drunk? I just didn’t want to take advantage of her. I then turned my alarm on and closed my eyes.
I started to fall asleep, but I felt someone get in the blankets and on top of me. I looked up, it was Jade.
“What are you doing, Jade? Go back to bed.” I said as she then placed a finger over my mouth. she leaned in closer and said: “Don’t talk. Just k-kiss me.”
When her lips touched mine, it was like sparks. I couldn’t get enough of it. This was the first time that Jade and I have ever kissed. I just didn’t think it would feel this good. I then flipped her on her back on my bed and kissed her again. She would laugh when I would place kisses on her neck. I loved her laugh.
She then started to take off my shirt. I stopped and looked at her beautiful eyes. “Are you sure you want to continue?” I asked.
Jade brought my head down to hers, our lips, almost touching and then she spoke.
“I’ve b-been wanting this for a l-long time.” I smiled and she smiled back. “Now, shut up and kiss me!”
I did what she said to do. I couldn’t believe that I was going to make love to the woman that I’ve loved for 7 years.

Tune in next Monday for chapter 4! If you aren’t so patient and want to read the rest, check out the rest of ‘Unclear’ on Wattpad. Just look up my username, katieasehl!

Chapter 4: What’s Wrong With Me?
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/06/08/my-writing-unclear-whats-wrong-with-me/

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Being Frustrated

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As all parents know, we are bound to get frustrated with our kids, lifestyle, work, etc. How to deal with it, can be very difficult. Especially, when you are a stay-at-home mom. It’s even worse when you suffer from depression.

I get frustrated. I can admit that. A lot of people can’t.

I get frustrated over little things, that I can do nothing about. I get frustrated over the bigger things that I can’t fix. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do, until the time is right to fix something. Or in my case, money always frustrates me.

Sometimes I get very frustrated with my daughter. I get frustrated when she cries and there is nothing I can do to help her. Do I take it out on her? No. I put her in her crib, play pen, or anywhere where I know she won’t hurt herself. I then take a deep breathe, count to ten and then go back to my daughter and try to take care of her the best I can.

Another reason why I get very frustrated is that I haven’t felt comfortable to leave my daughter with anyone, yet. I bet you are all thinking or saying that I need a break. I do, but with my past history, it’s very hard to do.

Losing my son, is making it difficult to leave her with anyone. I feel that if I do, I am going to freak out, if she were to spend the night somewhere, or I would get that call that something is wrong. The only people that really understand what I am going through, are mother who have lost a baby.

My daughter is 7 months old and I am starting to realize that she just wants me, which frustrates me because I want to get stuff done in the house. I know it’s my fault, but it’s hard to let go. It’s like when your child goes in for their first day of preschool, its hard to watch them go.

Anyway, being frustrated doesn’t mean you are a bad parent, it means you need to take a step back and try different ways to relax your frustration. I’ve counted to 10, that has helped. Closing your eyes, working out, doing a hobby, or if you are in a pickle, closing your eyes and relaxing them to a second.

Meditation is what I’m going to try and get into because of the fact that I still don’t feel 100% comfortable to leave my daughter with anyone, yet.

If you are like me and can’t leave your child, for whatever reason, start with an hour. Leave your child with your spouse and see how you do. Try it out with different family family members and then slowly leave them for more that an hour or two.

When you know that baby is comfortable and you finally feel comfortable, then leave them with family for a night. You just have to get to, not only your comfort zone, but your child’s as well.

Another way to deal with frustration, is to talk to someone, someone you know that wouldn’t mind listening to whatever is frustrating you. Airing it out is a lot better than keeping it in. I know how hard it is to talk to someone, but you don’t want it to keep it all in.

Before it’s too late and then you end up screaming at someone.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With The Loss Of A Child

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As you all might know, or will find out, I lost my first born son, before he turned a month old. His birthday is next month and I wanted to talk to you about the loss of a child. Whether they were on this Earth for 5 years or two days, it still hurts the same.

June 25th, is coming soon, which is also my son’s birthday. He would have been two years old. As the month has been coming up, I haven’t been the same.

Last year, this time, I was working and was pregnant for my rainbow baby, my daughter. Work distracted me from the fact that I would celebrate his first birthday without him here. This year, he would have been two, and now that I am a stay-at-home mom, it has been really difficult.

You see, losing a child is very difficult to cope with, even at my age. I was 18, when I had him. I was 18, when we lost him. And because of losing him so soon, it made my fiance and I grow up a lot. What was the reason, you ask. Well, let me tell you.

When I was pregnant with my son, Liam, we found out he had a very serious disease, HLHS or Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Meaning the left side of his heart was underdeveloped. At first I never even hear the term, but after watching a lot of Grey’s, they talk about it all the time.

They don’t have enough research to explain why it happen, but it just did. ‘It was the way cells formed’, is what all the doctors would tell us. None of us wanted to believe that it was true, but the ultrasounds said otherwise. Once he was born, he was going to be going through a lot up until he turns about 3. Well, as you know, he didn’t make to 3. He didn’t even make it to his first birthday.

Everything went well, with his first surgery, but a blood clot stopped his heart and he just went downhill from there. Another reason why it’s even harder to deal with the lost of a child, is when you are holding them when their heart stopped, not just once, but twice.

That story is for another day, which I haven’t decided whether to post it or not.

He died on in my arms, I know a lot of people might think I’m crazy, but to me, I wanted him to know that he was going to heaven in the comfort of his parents arms.

One thing that a lot of people tell me is to get over it. I can’t just get over it. It’s not something you get over with, it takes time to cope with the fact that they are no longer with us. I though, I believe he is always watching from up above.

Please, if you know anyone who has ever lost a child, don’t ever tell them they need to ‘get over it’. You are a terrible person for even thinking that, just saying. If anything, we need to comfort those who have lost love ones.

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Depression As A Mom

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A lot of people think that having a baby will bring you joy and happiness for your family. Which is does, but a lot of people don’t understand that there is a lot going on then just taking care of a baby.

I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. It’s been a long rocky-road for me. Sometimes, I just wish that I could just be happy, but having depression, makes you want to do nothing. Be nothing. You are always sad inside and no one will really know unless you talk to them about it.

When you have a baby, after the baby is born, some mom struggle with, what it is called, ‘baby blues’. It usually happens to a lot of moms within the first month of their baby being born. That’s why a lot of OBGYN’s ask you about ‘baby blues’, at your 6 week post-postpartum check up. They want to make sure that you and the baby are in good hands.

As a mom who has already lost a child and just had another one, it’s really difficult for me to watch my daughter grow because my son died when he was only a month old. It’s started to hit me a few days ago, that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of blogging going on.

Not just with the depression, stress and other issues are also on my mind. It makes it worse, especially when you have a little one that needs you every waking minute. There are days that I don’t want to get up, but my daughter gives me the kick that I need to get up and go on with my life.

It makes me sad that I can’t see my son reach the milestones that my daughter is, but she gives me a sense of hope. Just because I lost my son, I can’t get up on the fact that he’s gone. I always know that he will always watch over my daughter and any future children that I may have.

Before you say that a newly mother can’t be depressed, think about this. Have you ever had a child? Have you ever thought of the crying to never end? Have you ever go nuts, in your mind, because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

I give praises to newly mothers, especially ones that have babies or children with birth defects. I also want to praise all the mothers that try their best, when they think their best isn’t good enough.

You moms are doing amazing!

It’s good to hear a good thing or too. To me, it makes me feel inspired and more confident to shoot for the stars.

But the one thing that I always do, when I’m feeling depressed or down, I talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or my fiance. I talk to someone. I rather people know what’s going on, versus keeping it all locked inside. As much as I sometimes would rather not talk to anyone, I know that I should.

If you are a mom, who’s struggling with depression or ‘baby blues’, talk to someone or talk to your doctor, they can give you some medication that will make it easier for you to handle. As much as some people don’t like taking medications, I am one of those people, it does work.

I am always an open ear. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, go to my Contact page and send me a message. It’s better to open up to someone, rather than no one.

To all those moms, you keep doing what you are doing, better days are sure to come.

*If you really need help and need to talk to someone or a medical professionally, click on the link below. It gives a list of hotlines and explains depression in depth. The hotline is there and is completely anonymous.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Being or Becoming Engaged

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Being or become engaged to your significant other is a huge step in any relationship. It’s a promise that you are going to one day,  going to marry the person that you plan on spending the rest of your life with.

I am currently engaged. My fiance proposed to me last year on Christmas Day. We have been together for almost 4 years. We have been through a lot during those years. Losing our son bought us closer than ever before. I’ve never been more happier in my life.

Anyway, the reason why I wanted to bring up the topic of engagement, was that I wanted to talk to you about was how long should you be engaged for.

As soon as we got engaged, I started thinking of a date, which we planned on getting married in 2020. Ever since then, I have been thinking of colors, themes, what my dress will be, who will be my bride maids, etc. I’ve always wanted to get married to the love of my life, so when he finally popped the question, I have been so excited to plan our wedding.

When some people get engaged, they might wait a year or two, maybe to save up for the wedding or waiting until they are able to take the time off, anything, but if you have been engaged for more than 5 years, people can start to question why.

I completely understand if you are trying to save up money on a wedding, don’t get me wrong, but weddings are very expensive, but when people started to ask why, I think of many this person isn’t ready to make that commitment or they don’t want to make the plans of a wedding.

There could be so many reasons why. Some people get engaged or plan on getting married for the kids, which you shouldn’t do, you should marry because you love the person you are with.

I grew up in a home with my mother was always unhappy because she was married to my father. It took her 11 years to finally stand up and want to find happiness. My parents got divorced and my mother has been so much more joyful, that was almost 7 years ago. My mother felt that she had to stay because of the fact that she wanted to keep our family together.

She didn’t want us kids to grow up in a broken home, but she knew that she didn’t want us to grow up with parents who were happy, too. So she made a change. My mother married my father because, yes she was in love with him, but they also had me too. She married and stayed with my father because of us kids.

If you aren’t ready to take that next step to get married, then you should talk to your love one and talk about why you don’t want to get married. For me, I only want to get married once and I think a lot of people only want to get married once.

A lot of people are pressured into married their significant other because of family or friends. You shouldn’t marry anyone you know that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with. It should be because you are madly in love with your significant other, you love all their flaws and looks, but most of all, you see a future with them.

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Struggles With Weight Loss

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After you have a child, you still have the extra ‘baby fat’, as people would like to call it. But, for me, it’s completely different. I have struggled with weight loss for a very long time.

I’ve been considered ‘overweight’ ever since I was in middle school. I always got picked on and judged on how I looked that I never had any self esteem to get me motivated enough to really change.

I’ve been brought down by doctors, friends, and even some family, because of my weight. I’ve never really been motivate to find some exercise or a better diet that I feel comfortable changing or trying to do. I was one of those girls that would rather play video games than go outside.

High school, I grew to except it, but I wasn’t truly happy. I didn’t want to be thin like a toothpick. I wanted to lose the belly fat. The muffin top that made me feel like nothing would ever fit me because of it. I would change my clothes more than I could remember because I felt like I didn’t look good in them.

Until, I met my fiance. He made me fell like no matter what size I was, I was still beautiful. He helped me see past the muffin top. After having our daughter, I still have the muffin top. I’m a stay-at-home mom, it’s been difficult to do anything because I’m usually so tired in the morning and in the afternoon.

So I looked up what I could do to help me get rid of this muffin top, and keep it off, for good.

I looked up different exercises and challenges that I could try and I spotted the 30-Day Squat Challenge. I started it last Sunday, but I already notice a difference. My pants, that didn’t fit me, are slowly starting to fit me. I’m already starting to look a little smaller than I did.

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This is the Squat Challenge that I am doing. Just in case anyone is ready to make a change, just like I am.

I’m become proud of myself and excited that I’m finally doing, what took me years, to do. I want to feel what it’s like to be able to pick out clothes that actually fit, for once. I want people to notice me and not just my body size. I want to be able to love me for me.

I just started week 2 and I feel excited to do my squats every morning. I want to see if I can really finish this. I’m ready to make a change, a healthier change for not just my family, but for me.

 

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: When Do You Really Feel Ready For Another Child?

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I will always think of myself as a mom of two. Even thought, my son isn’t on this world, I always consider him, in anything. I hate having to explain to people why he isn’t here with us today.

After having our daughter, I thought that our family was complete. One boy and one girl. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, but its not like that. My fiance told me that he would like to have another child before our daughter turns two. He wants to try and hope that our next baby will be a boy.

To me, my daughter is all I really want, right now. But lately, I’ve started to change my mind. My daughter is growing up and it’s going by faster than I thought. She’s 6 months old and I already feel like her first birthday will be here before I know it.

Having another baby, will definitely keep me on my toes, but it would make our family whole again. Losing my son, I’m scared to have another baby because the next baby I have, might have the same thing my son did. Even thought it’s rare, I’ve talked to mothers who had it happen to them twice.

My fiance is basically ready to have another baby now, if I asked him. Me, I feel like I should wait until my daughter is a little older. Before you start thinking about having another baby, there are a lot of factors that you have to keep in mind.

  1. Finances: If you barely get by with having one child, a second one, might not be the best idea. You want to make sure you have the money to get the diapers, wipes, or even formula(if you are like me and can barely produce enough breast milk).
  2. Space: Right now, we are in a two bedroom trailer. Let’s face it, trailers are small and there is not a lot of room. Make sure that you have room for another baby because opposite genders can only stay in the same room until they are 4 or 5. If it’s the same gender, then you can just have your kids share a room.
  3. Daycare/Sitter: I’m lucky enough that my fiance and I don’t need to worry about daycare or a sitter, since I am a stay-at-home mom. Even if I was working, my fiance wouldn’t let me put any of our kids in daycare. Usually daycare is really pricey. Since I am a stay-at-home mom, I got offered to take care of another little girl come November. So, if you know someone that you can have watch your children, it would cost less than a daycare would.
  4. Emotionally: If you can handle the other one above, this one, is the most important. You have to be emotionally ready to have another baby. If you aren’t ready, you may just want to just take your time before you start trying. For me, it will always be a difficult time to prepare myself for another child, because of what I went through with my son.

If you ever think or feel that you aren’t ready, don’t feel pressured to do so. It’s not just your significant other’s choice, it’s also your choice. Talk to them and let them know that you aren’t ready for another one.

For me, I’m just dreading the conversation with my fiance, if and when he brings up when we should start trying, because I don’t want him to feel upset or hurt if I say ‘I’m not ready.’ My fiance is very understand and supported, he feels that he doesn’t want our daughter to be a only child. He wants them to have another sibling that they can go to high school together.

Always talk to your significant other, talking may not be the most fun thing to do, but it’s better to open up versus letting it all soak inside.