Hey Dearies!
I know this post is overdue, but last year, I talked about how difficult it is to be single and dating nowadays and most of the red flags I ran into were because of one particular ex of mind. Now, since it’s been over a year since I last had to deal with him, I figured it was time to talk about how bad the relationship really was.
I’m not going to use his real name, so for the sake of this post, we are going to call him Ronnie or “Red-Flag Ronnie”, which fits him perfectly. Now, let’s get into this mess of a relationship that only lasted 3 months.
So, I first met Ronnie on Facebook Dating. I don’t remember who swiped on who first, but he was the one who sent the first message wanting to talk through texting. Which I usually have no problem doing, but looking back now, he didn’t want me to have his socials.
Anyway, the first day of texting, he really didn’t impress me right off. The conversation was going well until he mentioned wanting to do sexual stuff. To me, if that’s the first thing you want to have a conversation about when we just started talking, you aren’t looking for something serious.
Of course, whenever a guy starts the conversation out like that, I ignore them or move on to the next one. However, I decided this time to give Ronnie the benefit of the doubt, but boy, did I know what I would be dealing with.
So, we continued to talk, and not even a week later, he was already asking me to borrow money. The first time was so that his phone service wouldn’t get shut off, so we could still text, and then it was “I don’t have money for food” or “I need a couple bucks to get me a vape pen”. Even though I was giving him little amounts here and there, boy, does it add up.
Then we planned to meet for the first time, but he didn’t have a way to get to me unless he took the bus. Want to guess who paid for the bus ticket? Shocker, I know. I even had to pick him up at the bus stop, too. Apparently, he totaled his truck and couldn’t pay to get it back up and running, but had his license.
Meeting him in person for the first time, I honestly enjoyed it and didn’t notice any other red flags at the time. Of course, we made it official, but when I asked if he wanted to make it Facebook official, he didn’t want to do it.
That honestly should’ve been another red flag, especially since the name that he used on Facebook wasn’t his actual name. Not to mention, he wouldn’t even friend me on Facebook, which I thought was also odd. If you were dating someone, wouldn’t you want to show that you are with someone? I mean, I do.
So, once we had the first weekend together, I thought everything was great. I waited until the next weekend, when I didn’t have my daughter, for him to come back down, but the second time he visited, he was glued to playing on my gaming PC. All he did most of that weekend was play Rust, trying to get me into it, which I honestly couldn’t do.
Pretty much, you can guess that almost every time he came down after that, he spent playing on my gaming laptop. I would even ask if he could spend time with me, and when I was able to get him off my gaming laptop, he was glued to his phone. It was a nightmare getting him to do anything with me unless he wanted to do it too.
Then there was the time when it was a weekend we weren’t seeing each other, and he randomly texted me that he possibly got someone pregnant. Now, I wish I would’ve dumped him right there and then. I don’t know why I didn’t, but he told me it was a “false alarm” the next time I was able to see him again.
Then he claimed he needed a place to stay because of his current living situation, his “roommates” were all moving out, and so he asked if he could stay with us. I agreed as long as he got a job and was giving money towards the bills and food. This man, I swear you not, got a job and then quit a day later because he called out on his second day.
Instead of job searching, while I was working, he was playing on my gaming laptop all day and all hours of the day and night. Then would sleep, eat, and repeat. Until one of my family members offered him another job, and he finally was working, but I had checked out of the relationship.
I think he could sense that the end was near because he even tried to get me to start looking at apartments for us to live in. I had told him no because I wasn’t going to be the only one who was paying for everything, especially when he couldn’t keep a job.
He even told me through text message that he supposedly loved me and got mad when I didn’t say it back. I only say “I love you” when I mean it, and I would never do it in a text message. I didn’t love him, and I wasn’t going to say it back or be forced to say it back because he did.
When I had had enough, I wrote him something, the one time he was actually working, explaining that it was over. I wanted to get all my thoughts on paper to figure out what I wanted to say. He kinda had a sense of that and asked what was wrong. All I told him was that I had written something down for him, and immediately, he asked: “Is it a break-up letter?”
I told him we could talk about it later since I didn’t want to mention it while he was working. He then kept asking, and I finally just told him. Apparently, I made him cry at work over it. Well, you asked and didn’t want to wait until later.
It was pretty awkward when he got back from work, and he read my letter. He sent me what he was feeling in a text message, thinking that I didn’t want to be with him because he wasn’t rich.
First of all, I just want to clarify that I never judge someone by how their lifestyle is. I don’t care if you are rich or poor, it’s about how you are as a person. Clearly, my brain was not working when I met Ronnie, since he made himself seem better than he really was.
Once I ended it with him and he moved out, it was a huge relief not having to deal with him. He still tried to contact me and ask me for money, but I shut him down. I wasn’t going to keep stressing myself over it.
You also might be wondering, “Why didn’t he give out his real name?” Well, this might answer a few things, as well as the big one, why he couldn’t keep a job. Well, it turns out that Red-Flag Ronnie had a record. Now, I didn’t search his name when he gave it for his bus ticket, but if I had, I would’ve blocked him.
Turns out that when Ronnie was in college, he sexually assaulted someone. Which is why he doesn’t use his real name, because if you were to search it, it pulls up articles that talked about it from a few years ago. Apparently, the case was still ongoing.
Ronnie did tell me about it, but he spun the story very differently from what the articles explained. He told me that he met this girl, and they hooked up. The boyfriend supposedly found out she cheated, and apparently, the girl didn’t want her boyfriend to leave her and claimed that Ronnie assaulted her instead.
However, that wasn’t what the article said. The news article said that he threatened her with a knife, which he never mentioned. Mind you, I didn’t find this all out until after the fact; if I knew this, I would have ended things and blocked him right off.
This explains quite a bit why he couldn’t keep a job, and probably one of the reasons why women wanted nothing to do with him after they found that out. This is exactly why, whenever you are dating someone, Google their full name and see what pops up.
Granted, a few other things happened with that relationship, such as him raising his voice at me and having angry outbursts when things didn’t go his way, which were some more red flags.
In the end, I learned a few things, and I now know if I attempt to go back on Facebook Dating, I know exactly what I want to avoid. I think one of the big things that I’m not going to do is rush into things. Nothing goes well when you rush.
I’m now at the mentality of “if something is meant to be, it will be.” I’ve also completely accepted that famous quote Chandler Bing in Friends says:
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