Tag: dating

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: How I Dated a Walking-Talking Red Flag

Posted on by Katie Night

Hey Dearies!

I know this post is overdue, but last year, I talked about how difficult it is to be single and dating nowadays and most of the red flags I ran into were because of one particular ex of mind. Now, since it’s been over a year since I last had to deal with him, I figured it was time to talk about how bad the relationship really was.

I’m not going to use his real name, so for the sake of this post, we are going to call him Ronnie or “Red-Flag Ronnie”, which fits him perfectly. Now, let’s get into this mess of a relationship that only lasted 3 months.

So, I first met Ronnie on Facebook Dating. I don’t remember who swiped on who first, but he was the one who sent the first message wanting to talk through texting. Which I usually have no problem doing, but looking back now, he didn’t want me to have his socials.

Anyway, the first day of texting, he really didn’t impress me right off. The conversation was going well until he mentioned wanting to do sexual stuff. To me, if that’s the first thing you want to have a conversation about when we just started talking, you aren’t looking for something serious.

Of course, whenever a guy starts the conversation out like that, I ignore them or move on to the next one. However, I decided this time to give Ronnie the benefit of the doubt, but boy did I know what I would be dealing with.

So, we continued to talk, and not even a week later, he was already asking me to borrow money. The first time was so that his phone service wouldn’t get shut off so we could still text and then it was “I don’t have money for food” or “I need a couple bucks to get me a vape pen”. Even though I was giving him little amounts here and there, boy does it add up.

Then we planned to meet for the first time, but he didn’t have a way to get to me unless he took the bus. Want to guess who paid for the bus ticket? Shocker, I know. I even had to pick him up at the bus stop too. Apparently, he totaled his truck and couldn’t pay to get it back up and running, but had his license.

Meeting him in person for the first time, I honestly enjoyed it and didn’t notice any other red flags at the time. Of course, we made it official, but when I asked if he wanted to make it Facebook official, he didn’t want to do it.

That honestly should’ve been another red flag, especially since the name that he used on Facebook wasn’t his actual name. Not to mention, he wouldn’t even friend me on Facebook, which I thought was also odd. If you were dating someone, wouldn’t you want to show that you are with someone? I mean, I do.

So, once we had the first weekend together, I thought everything was great. I waited until the next weekend I didn’t have my daughter, for him to come back down, but the second time he visited, he was glued to playing my gaming PC. All he did most of that weekend was play Rust, trying to get me into it which I honestly couldn’t do.

Pretty much you can guess that almost every time he came down after that, spent playing on my gaming laptop. I would even ask if he could spend time with me and when I was able to get him off my gaming laptop, he was glued to his phone. It was a nightmare getting him to do anything with me unless he wanted to do it too.

Then there was the time when it was a weekend we weren’t seeing each other and he randomly texted me that he possibly got someone pregnant. Now, I wish I would’ve dumped him right there and then. I don’t know why I didn’t, but he told me it was a “false alarm” the next time I was able to see him again.

Then he claimed he needed a place to stay because of his current living situation, his “roommates” were all moving out and so he asked if he could stay with us. I agreed as long as he got a job and was giving money towards the bills and food. This man, I swear you not, got a job and then quit a day later because he called out on his second day.

Instead of job searching, while I was working, he was playing on my gaming laptop all day and all hours of the day and night. Then would sleep, eat, and repeat. Until one of my family members offered him another job and he finally was working, but I had checked out of the relationship.

I think he could sense that the end was near because he even tried to get me to start looking at apartments for us to live in. I had told him no because I wasn’t going to be the only one that was paying for everything, especially when he couldn’t keep a job.

He even told me through text messaged that he supposedly loved me and got mad when I didn’t say it back. I only say the “I love you”, when I mean it and I would never do it in text message. I didn’t love him and I wasn’t going to say it back or be forced to say it back because he did.

When I had enough, I wrote him something, the one time he was actually working, explaining that it was over. I wanted to get all my thoughts on paper to figure out what I wanted to say. He kinda had a sense of that and asked what was wrong. All I told him was that I had written something down for him, and immediately, he asked “Is it a break-up letter?”.

I told him we could talk about it later since I didn’t want to mention it while he was working. He then kept asking and I finally just told him. Apparently, I made him cry at work over it. Well, you asked and didn’t want to wait until later.

It was pretty awkward when he got back from work and he read my letter. He sent me what he was feeling in a text message thinking that I didn’t want to be with him because he wasn’t rich.

First of all, I just want to clarify that I never judge someone by how their lifestyle is. I don’t care if you are rich or poor, its about how you are as a person. Clearly, my brain was not working when I met Ronnie, since he made himself seem better than he really was.

Once I ended it with him and he moved out, it was a huge relief not having to deal with him. He still tried to contact me and ask me for money, but I shut him down. I wasn’t going to keep stressing myself over it.

You also might be wondering, “Why didn’t he give out his real name?”. Well, this might answer a few things as well as the big one, why he couldn’t keep a job. Well, it turns out that Red-Flag Ronnie had a record. Now, I didn’t search his name when he gave it for his bus ticket, but if I had, I would’ve blocked him.

Turns out that when Ronnie was in college, he sexually assaulted someone. Which is why he doesn’t use his real name because if you were to search it, it pulls up articles that talked about it from a few years ago. Apparently, the case was still on going.

Ronnie did tell me about it, but he spun the story very differently than what the articles explained. He told me that he met this girl, and they hooked up, the boyfriend supposedly found out she cheated and apparently, the girl didn’t want her boyfriend to leave her and claimed that Ronnie assaulted her instead.

However, that wasn’t what the article said. The news article said that he threatened her with a knife, which he never mentioned. Mind you, I didn’t find this all out until after the fact, if I knew this, I would have ended things and blocked him right off.

Which explains quite a bit why he couldn’t keep a job and probably one of the reasons why women wanted nothing to do with him after they found that out. This is exactly why whenever you are dating someone, Google their full name and see what pops up.

Granted, a few other things happened with that relationship, such as him raising his voice at me and having angry outbursts when things didn’t go his way that were some more red flags.

In the end, I learned a few things and I now know if I attempt to go back on Facebook Dating, I know exactly what I want to avoid. I think one of the big things that I’m not going to do is rush into things. Nothing goes well when you rush.

I’m now at the mentality of “if something is meant to be, it will be.” I’ve also completely accept that famous quote Chandler Bing in Friends says:

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: The Dating World of 2024

Posted on by Katie Night

Hey Dearies! I wanted to bring up something that I’m having trouble with, but some pointers I wanted to bring up if you are a newly single. Whether your a single parent, just got out of a long relationship, or have been single for awhile, but just started looking, this might be good information to know!

Now, for all of you who have been following me since the very beginning, I decided to leave my children’s father back in 2021. I didn’t start dating again until 6 months after I had left him. A lot of people asked why I didn’t just jump right into and it was because I wanted to work on myself.

I wanted to make sure that I loved myself before I jumped into another relationship. However, I felt like I had to start putting myself out there. I also had a few people that were pushing me to get out there as well.

I was expecting the dating world to be back before I first met the father of my children. Back when it was 2014. Oh no, things had really changed this time since I first went back on dating sites.

First, Facebook had a dating part that they had added and that’s where I first started. I met a few guys that I had really great conversations. Most of them would ghost me or never talk to me after saying ‘hello’. Other guys weren’t really there for meeting anyone to build a relationship, just hook ups. Then there were the few guys that actually caught my heart and shredded it down to practically nothing.

At the end of 2021, I did find someone I really started to fall for and started dating him. I’m not going to go into complete details, but he was the one that got away. It also didn’t help that life happened and I didn’t really know how to handle it. We tried rekindling it back last year, but he had his life that he had a lot going on.

Anyway, I decided in March to give this dating thing another try and this time my walls would be up no matter what. However, I still have hope for that one guy he will come running back into my life so we can try again, but as the saying goes, “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, it was meant to be, if not, it never was.”

So, nowadays, I’m focused on building a friendship with some of the guys I’ve been talking to. I don’t want to rush into anything and I know what I’m looking for, but I am keeping an eye out for the red flags.

Here are a few Red Flags you should keep in mind:

–No Job or Can’t Keep a Job– This is a HUGE red flag. My more recent ex had this issue and I lost a LOT of money because I was supporting him. I learned my lesson on that. Even if they wanted to borrow $20 bucks here and there, don’t do it. Trust me, it adds up faster than you think.

–No Car/No License– This is a red flag for me because I live in Maine and in order to go anywhere, you really need to have a car. I have nothing against those that don’t have a car or license, but please don’t date people just because they will cart you around.

It’s one thing if you are taking an Uber or taxi to meet up with them, but it’s another thing to demand them to bring you here or there. Keep this in mind, the first time you tell someone you will give them a ride, they will always think you will give them a ride.

–Separated/In a Open Relationship– This one is tricky because all situations are different. I feel that if you still are married, you shouldn’t be dating until your divorce is final, but that is just me. I also am not a fan of “open relationships”. I know that people’s opinions have changed on that, but I’m against it completely. When I’m in a relationship with a guy, I don’t want him to share me or me to have to share him.

Nothing against those who are in an open relationship. If it works for you or for your situation, great! I don’t think I could handle it very well, emotionally.

–Love Bombing – I didn’t even know this was an actual red flag, but it is! I really hate to bring it back to my more current ex, but he did the same thing to me. Pretty much all the time he would call be “beautiful” to the point that the word meant nothing. He would also use this whenever we got into an argument, he would change the subject into complimenting me instead of talking about the issue at hand. If you don’t know what “love bombing” is, it is when someone frequently attempts to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.

–Not Respecting Your Bountries – This is a huge red flag, if they can’t respect your bountries, that shows that they have no respect for you. Granted, in the beginning of a relationship is learning what each other bountries are. That is why if you let them know what your bountries are at the begining, you can tell right away if they will respect them or not. I had an ex that got mad at me for hanging out with my best friend for one night, just because I didn’t include him.

–They Want You To Always Put Them First – If you have children, you would understand that when it comes to a new relationship, you and your kids come first. It brings us back to situtation I talked about before. That ex wanted me to put him on the thrown, honestly, he is in most of these red flags, I should just write about how awful the experience really was.

–Talk Badly About Ex’s/Or Still Talking To Their Ex’s – So, I can’t say that I haven’t talked badly about an ex since as you can see from this post, however, I’m not one of those that goes onto the internet and blasts them by name. If they can talk badly about their ex or say all their ex’s are crazy without explaining why, that is a problem to be aware of.

What is even more of a red flag is still talking or being friends with an ex. Depending on the situation, I will keep an open mind. If you have a baby daddy or baby mommy, that is a different situation since you are communicating about the kids. That’s the relationship I have with my daughter’s father, its strictly about our daughter.

–Drug/Alcohol Problem – This is another huge red flag to keep in mind because they will tend to put their “habit” first. There’s nothing wrong with having a social drink every now and then, but if they need it constantly or all the time, that is a problem.

–Bad Feeling/Gut Feeling – You know your body better than anyone else does, but if there is something off or fishy about the person you are talking to, trust your gut! Most of us want to listen with our hearts or heads, but sometimes its better to listen to your gut first.

If you aren’t sure, talk about it with friends or family. They would be the first one to notice the red quicker than you would. Especially, if you are so into them. You don’t have to listen to them, but its always good to get a 3rd party’s advice of the situation.

–No Social Media/Different Name for Social Media – Okay, so this one isn’t really a red flag, but it really depends who you ask on this. My last ex had a different name on his Facebook. I really didn’t think anything of it until I found out there was a bigger reason why he didn’t give out his full name. It’s okay for someone to not want to have a social media presence, but if they can’t seem to tell you their true name, really look into why that is.

There could be a number of reasons why, but if you start out talking to them and right at the bat they give you a fake name, that’s a red flag. The reason why I say this, is because they are hiding something from you. Whether they have a double life or have been in trouble with the law, this is something you want to pay attention to. Especially, if you plan on having your kids meet them after going out with them for some time.

–Ignoring You/Taking Longer to Reply – This one, I really had a lot of issues when it came to them taking either days to reply. However, I have finally understand that if someone likes you enough to talk to you, they will. If they don’t or have excuses as to why they haven’t replied back to you, take the hint that they aren’t interested in you.

It’s one thing if they are at work or in the middle of doing something and they give you a heads up that they are busy and will talk to you later. Its another thing if they are straight up ignoring you and you see that they are active or they posted on their story or Facebook.

Don’t waste your time waiting for a reply. My rule is if they don’t reply back to you within 24-28 hours, move on to the next one. Everyone checks their phone more than once a day, so there isn’t really an excuse as to why they can’t reply to you.

–They Don’t Want To Meet In Public/Wants You To Meet At Their House – The first meeting with someone you met online, it should be in public. The reason why I say this is because of the fact that if you feel uncomfortable or the person is starting to creep you out, you can get outta there faster.

Most of the time, if a guy/girl are asking you to meet at their place, it usually means they just want to hook up. Not for everyone, but most of the time its usually that reason.

Another key thing to keep in mind, is that if you go on a date with someone in public, let a friend or family member know where you are, just in case something goes wrong. Or even have a friend at the location with you watching from a distance, so if there is something wrong or off about your date, you can text them to let them know, that way your still safe.

Overall, the best way to handle the dating world is think of it as a battlefield. The problem with today’s dating world is that there are too many apps, tons of being ghosted, and no one really looking for something real anymore.