Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Breakup Aftermath

Hey Dearies! I know it has been awhile, but lately I have been in a weird funk and I haven’t been in the right mind to really write lately, but after a few events, I really want to keep you all posted on what has been going on in my life lately.

As you all know, I left my daughter’s father and I guess a lot of people were very ‘shocked’ by it, but others weren’t. Long story short, I became very depressed being a stay at home mom last year and with my family far away, it was very difficult for me to handle. I don’t think my father’s daughter really understood what was going on and just thought it was something that I would just get out of.

Anyway, I left at the beginning of the year and his family was more shocked than everyone else that was around us, such as my family. My father daughter ‘didn’t see it coming’, but what he didn’t know, the signs were all there.

I was losing who I was and I wanted someone who wanted to grow with me.

As a mom, it’s hard to do something like this because we put the blame on us that we couldn’t try harder to keep your family together or we think back on what we could of done differently. Sadly, a relationship works both ways, two people have to both put the effort into a relationship, that wasn’t happening in my situation.

I had a very difficult time leaving, just like other moms, including my own, when they wanted to leave their relationship. It’s not easy, but it’s better for the parents to both be happy, whether they are together or not.

Sometimes, you have a break down and realized that you want to fix things, that happened to me a few weeks after I broke up with him. See, let me explain something that most moms like me would understand.

I wanted him to prove that he wanted me, that I was still someone he wanted to be with and spend the rest of our lives together, but the one thing that broke my heart more, he let me walk out the door and didn’t chase me or stop me.

You see, when you are in love with someone, you don’t want them to ever leave your side. That’s your person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Well, it broke my heart that he didn’t chase after me. Even though I left to take care of me, I wanted him to chase me and show me how much he cared for me.

Instead, he didn’t and it crushed me.

We did try to make things work and I gave him questions to answer, which he did. Some of the answers I was impressed, others not so much, but I’m not going to share that with anyone because of the fact that it was between him and I.

He wanted to start fresh, clean slate and work on things, but when I suggested therapy, he wasn’t for it at all. Which isn’t just him, a lot of people doesn’t think it helps when it really can, if you actually let it.

As you can guess, that didn’t happen and I had some time to think about everything. Why I left, what would happen if I went back, would I still be unhappy, the same questions I asked before leaving him. Instead, I made the choice that we should co-parent and be peaceful for our daughter’s sake.

We both agreed that this would be what is best for our daughter, which in a way shocked me because for someone that wanted to work on things, he was really okay with just co-parenting. Which was fine, however, something recent happened that really put me in this weird place.

Before I explained what happened, this upcoming month, our son would’ve been 5 years old and this was going to be the first time that we were going to celebrate it not being together as a couple. This year was going to be even harder because this is the 5 year mark that he has been gone.

I’ll be honest, this has been the hardest year for me to endure. I’ve been trying to be strong for my daughter’s sake, but it’s harder said that done.

Anyway, I was scrolling on social media and I saw something that made my heart fall into my stomach. Another female tagged him in something that was like a ‘cute post’, you know the ones that people do when they are getting to know each other or when they are dating.

I was hurt. I was broken. I was crushed. Most of all, I was angry.

I know what most of you are thinking, “you left him”, “he’s single”. Which you are all right, I shouldn’t make a bigger deal that it should be and I’m not trying to, but it’s hard to not let things like this bug you, especially since this was about 3 weeks after we decided to co-parent.

When you truly love someone, you can’t move on as quickly as you think you can. Everyone is different, but if you really truly love someone, you wouldn’t move on as quick as you could. Healing from a break-up takes time, but everyone is different.

I just thought after 6 years together and 2 kids, I thought I meant more to him than I thought. I feel like he is trying to replace me.

That’s what hurt me the most.

I looked back at all the memories that we made, the good, the bad and all I could think of was it all a lie? Did I not mean anything to him? Am I that easy for people to replace?

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, my ex before my daughter’s father did the same exact thing. So, to have it happen again, but with someone that you have kids with, all I could think of what is wrong with me?

Is it how I look? Did I not mean anything to him to begin with? What he using me? Did he just dealt with me until I left? Did he want me to leave him? Did he even care? Did he really love me?

All those questions are still running around in my head and I don’t know why. Situations like this either should people’s true colors or makes you wonder if you were the problem. I give so much for others, I’ve always done that. Put other’s before myself and people take advantage of me for that.

So, now, I’m trying my best to pretend like it doesn’t bother me and try to take it one day at a time. All I can do now is be the best mother in the world to my daughter. That’s all I can be.


I know this isn’t a happy post, but I just had to get this all out and don’t worry, I’m going to try my best to come back and start doing my blog again, but with these next 2 months are going to be the hardest, so I may or may not be posting anything for a little bit.

Posted in My Secret Love

My Secret Love (Chapter 19)

*Warning: Mature Content. Read at your own risk!*

If you haven’t read Chapter 18, here is the link!

https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/10/01/my-writing-my-secret-love-chapter-18/

~Chapter 19~

“What the hell is your problem?” I woke up to someone screaming in the next room. I looked over, to see if Dylan was next to me, but he was gone. I rubbed my eyes and got out of the bed.

“My problem is that you can’t just fuck her for the fun of it!” Once I heard that voice, I knew who it was. I ran out of the bedroom to find Michael and Dylan yelling at each other.

“We didn’t fuck! You need to relax and let her be her own person. I would never do that to her. I cared about her-” I stopped Dylan in the middle of his sentence.

“What’s going on?” I asked, Michael walked over and hugged me.

“I have been looking everywhere for you!” I pulled away from his embrace. “We are leaving.” He grabbed my arm, trying to pull me to the door, but I pulled away.

“No.”

“No?” Michael spoke.

“No, I’m not going. You need to leave me alone. I can’t forgive you for what you did.” Michael threw his hands in his hair and walked back and forth.

“It wasn’t my fucking fault! Whatever, blame it on me because I wanted to save your life so that we could be happy together. I’ve tried, I’m done.” Michael then slammed the door.

“I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t think that he would go all through this trouble to find me.” I said. I grabbed my stuff and walked out the door.

Dylan followed. I could hear his footsteps following me.
“Please don’t go.” He paused when I turned around. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

I nodded and he lead me into the garage. “You can take my Jeep and go where ever you want.” He handed me the keys and I got in and just drove. I never wanted to look back.

If you can’t wait for the next chapter to come out, feel free to check it out on Wattpad! Just look up katieasehl and not only will you find this book, but others that are finished or I’m currently working on.

Chapter 20:
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/10/08/my-writing-my-secret-love-chapter-20/

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Getting Rid Of An Animal

Image result for rehome a pet

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve did a Mom Talk. This might be a little off topic, but I want to take a second to talk about something that is so hard to do. Getting rid an animal from your home.

I’m going to talk about two ways that people can get rid of animals: Surrender to a shelter or re-home to a new family.

A lot of people think that there is no difference to each of these, but there is. Getting rid of animal is a very difficult decision to do. It doesn’t matter what situation it is, doing it is very hard to do.

This week, we had to re-home our 2 year dog. Now, I’m not going to go into details of why, but here is a little back story. We got him at the beginning of the year, last year, then we got pregnant with our daughter and when she was born, the dog got very jealous over our daughter.

Long story short, the best option was to re-home him for our daughters safety. So, we wanted to try and re-home him through our family on Facebook. No one seemed to have room for him, but we tried for a month, just to see if anyone would be able to take him, rather than him going back to where we first got him.

Now this isn’t the first time we had to get rid of an dog. We had a dog before we were pregnant with Liam. When we found out we had to go to Boston for Liam to be born, we asked around, but no one wanted to watch our dog for that time we were in Boston. So, re-homing him was the best option.

It was the best thing we did for him. We found a great couple to take him and they have had him ever since and I’m glad we did. If it was a different situation, we might of still had him.

So what’s the difference between re-home him to someone else versus giving them back to the shelter?

Well, let’s just say, for me, being in the shelter, they made me feel like crap. I had called them before I came in, but once I got to the front desk, I started to cry. They handed me a tissue and gave me the paperwork to fill out about him.

Once that was done, I spend the last few minute with him, crying trying to get my last goodbyes to him. It was so much for me that I still kept crying when I got back to the car. The lady told me that this is very hard for some people to do, but it’s even worst to go to a shelter.

Image result for rehome a pet

When you walk in, you have eyes all on you. I felt that everyone has something to say about me surrendering my dog. What they don’t know is that it was the best decision to re-home him. It was for the safety of our family.

The sad thing about going to the shelter, was that we had to get rid of our older cat and she was still there, which broke my heart. As much as I didn’t want to get rid of her, we had to, due to her scratching my daughter.

So, if you were one of those people that look at those people, who are giving up their animal, please don’t judge them. It’s hard enough to surrender an animal. Don’t judge those people who are doing that. There is a reason behind it all.