Posted in Unclear

Unclear – 10 Years Later (Chapter 1)

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So, here is the first chapter from my book! Last Monday I explained a little bit of what this is. If you haven’t read the intro, click on this link ——> https://katiesblog96971617.wordpress.com/2018/05/14/my-writing-unclear-intro/

Every Monday, I post another chapter of my book, that is on Wattpad, as well. If you want to read more and can’t wait, go to Wattpad and look for the book ‘Unclear’ by katieasehl. Enjoy!

~10 Years Later~

8:56 a.m.
I woke up and just laid in my bed. Ugh, why can’t I just sleep in? I didn’t have to work at the bookstore today, then why did I wake up so early? Then the smell of waffles entered my nose. Well, someone is up. I thought to myself.
James Grey was my best friend and my roommate. He has helped me through a lot, especially when I told him about my past. He had a kinda similar past, but his dad or older sister didn’t die. He lost his mom after she gave birth to him and ever since then, it’s been just him and his dad.
I finally got up and out of my warm cozy bed and went to shower and dress. After that I walked down the stairs to find James cooking waffles. He is such a great cook, I swear he should’ve became a professional chef. Then again, he is a wonderful musician.
I sat down at the island and watched him cook. I noticed that he had bags under his eyes, again. Someone stayed up late, again.
“Well, someone stayed up late, again. I’m surprised you didn’t sleep in.” I said as he started to mix another batch of waffles.
“Yeah, I was talking to someone last night.”
“Was it a girl?” I said with a smirk.
“Yes, if you need to know.” he said, placing the waffles on to a pan and into the oven.
“So, what’s this lucky girls name?”
He was quiet for a little bit, like he didn’t want to tell me, but I knew he would, eventually. Then he turned to face me and smiled. “Her name is Marie and she is perfect.”
“Is this the same girl that you have been talking to for over a month, now?”
“Yeah, I’m actually going to meet her tonight.” he then opened the oven and pulled out the waffles, just in time and then placed them on a plate.
“Wait, you haven’t met her yet?” I said as we both walked into the dining room with a plate of waffles and sat down.
“Not in person. I met her online.”
“So, your telling me that you are going to meet this “Marie” girl, that you met online? What if Marie is a he? Or a stalker? Or a murder?” I knew I was exaggerating, but I didn’t trust meeting people online. There are way too many creeps on there.
“JJ, calm down. Just because you had a bad experience with online dating, doesn’t mean it will happen to me. Plus I know what she looks like. We have been texting each other pictures of each other. Don’t you worry.”
“I worry because I care about you, James. I don’t need you getting screwed over by some lying bitch, pretending to be someone else.” I then started to eat and think about James situation. What would be a way where James can meet Marie, but not so private? “I’ve got it!”
I nearly scared the shit out of James. He looked up to me and gave me the look he always did when I had an idea.
“Let’s throw a party! It’s perfect because then you can meet her in a more public place and I can still make sure that you don’t get kidnapped. Plus, I have tonight off and I really want to party.” James looked at me like I was crazy. He never really liked to party unless he was really drunk or he was dragged along by me.
“Alright, but just this once. I think of it as a house welcoming party.” Of course he would. Sometimes I wonder why I’m friends with a party pooper.
“Yes, oh, and my mom is coming over today. She needs to tell me something.”
Any time my mom has to tell me something, it’s either good nor bad. Plus she hasn’t came over since James and I moved into our new house. I know something is up. I really don’t want to know what it is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After breakfast, James and I cleaned up our plates and then I waited outside on my porch for my mother. She said she would be here around 10 a.m., then again, she can be late sometimes.
James went back upstairs to play his drum set. Sometimes, that can become very annoying, then again, he’s not that bad, but I would rather him play his guitar.
Then I saw my mother walking over to my house. Since we live right next door from each other. My mom looked really big. She must of put on some pounds since I last saw her. As soon as she got closer, I could see that she wasn’t big, but looked like she was pregnant?!? When did this happen? Why didn’t she tell me about this? I couldn’t believe it.
“Hey sweetie! I’ve missed you.” my mother came up and hugged me tight. I hugged her back, but then pushed her away. She paused and then she caught my eye’s staring at her stomach. “Well, about this.” She rubbed her stomach.
“A-are you p-p-pregnant??” I thought I was dreaming. I even pinched myself, but this was all real. Way too real.
“Yes! Isn’t this exciting! You’re going to be a big sister!” She smiled and then placed her hands together. As I saw her fingers, the engagement and wedding ring that dad got her were replaced with a new wedding ring.
“What did you do to your engagement and wedding rings that dad gave you?” I wasn’t just upset, but finding out all of this now, was pissing me off.
“Well, hun. I knew you had been busy for the past few months, working, studying, and going to college. That I didn’t want to bring all of this up right away.” I crossed my arms and looked away from my mother. I couldn’t even stand to look at her right now. “Frank and I thought that we should tell you before the babies were born.”
Did I heard that right? Did she just say babies?! First I find out that she’s pregnant and that she’s remarried? Why didn’t she tell me this? I’m her daughter, why didn’t she tell me this when it all happened?
“Who the hell is Frank? And babies?! And you got remarried without your only daughter to witness it? What the hell kind of mother are you?” My mom then sat down next to me and tried to comfort me. I got up so fast that she had to blink a few times to notice I was standing, facing her. “What about dad? Did you ever think about him when you did all this?”
“Jade, your father has been gone for 10 years. I’ve learned to move on and I’m sure he wants me to be happy. I loved your father so much. After he passed away, all I had left was you. It’s time that we all moved on, hunny.” she spoke like she did when I first had a crush and he denied to go out with me.
“Then why didn’t you even tell me you got married?”
“Well, Frank and I thought it would be an amazing idea if we ran off and got married.”
“Without telling me. You didn’t even tell me you were seeing anyone. When did this happen?” I really wish dad was here, he would know what to do.
“We met about a year ago. We wanted to keep it a secret because I didn’t know how you would react to it. We got married after you moved out. Then about 5 months ago, I found out that I was pregnant.”
“You got pregnant after I moved out, 5 months ago?!? And you never even bothered to tell me? What is wrong with you! I’m the only thing you have left of dad and what you are doing, right now, is pushing me away. Go live your new happy life, mom. I can’t even look at you.” I was just about done with this conversation. I need a drink.
“But Jade-” I cutted her off. “Just leave. I don’t want to see you.” I then walked inside and poured myself a glass of wine. I needed it. This was all way too much.
I sat down on the couch and just sat there, thinking about everything that happened. Why would she do this to me? I thought she cared about me, but clearly, she doesn’t.
James then came downstairs and saw me crying, holding the bottle of wine in my hand. He sat down next to me and held me close. After a few minutes of silence, James spoke.
“I heard you yelling. You wanna talk about it, JJ?” I shock my head no and he nodded. James knew I would talk about it later. That’s why I’m always so grateful to have him in my life. He doesn’t just understand me, but he is always there for me, whenever I need it.
Right now, I was more focused on having a good time, tonight and I’m gonna drink until I forget about today.

Next chapter will be posted next Monday! If you can’t wait, you can always check out Wattpad and look up ‘Unclear’ by katieasehl. 

Chapter 2: The Mistake –
https://katiesblog96971617.com/2018/05/28/my-writing-unclear-chapter-2-the-mistake-chapter-2/

Posted in Mom Talk

Mom Talk: Dealing With Depression As A Mom

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A lot of people think that having a baby will bring you joy and happiness for your family. Which is does, but a lot of people don’t understand that there is a lot going on then just taking care of a baby.

I have been dealing with depression since I was 13. It’s been a long rocky-road for me. Sometimes, I just wish that I could just be happy, but having depression, makes you want to do nothing. Be nothing. You are always sad inside and no one will really know unless you talk to them about it.

When you have a baby, after the baby is born, some mom struggle with, what it is called, ‘baby blues’. It usually happens to a lot of moms within the first month of their baby being born. That’s why a lot of OBGYN’s ask you about ‘baby blues’, at your 6 week post-postpartum check up. They want to make sure that you and the baby are in good hands.

As a mom who has already lost a child and just had another one, it’s really difficult for me to watch my daughter grow because my son died when he was only a month old. It’s started to hit me a few days ago, that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of blogging going on.

Not just with the depression, stress and other issues are also on my mind. It makes it worse, especially when you have a little one that needs you every waking minute. There are days that I don’t want to get up, but my daughter gives me the kick that I need to get up and go on with my life.

It makes me sad that I can’t see my son reach the milestones that my daughter is, but she gives me a sense of hope. Just because I lost my son, I can’t get up on the fact that he’s gone. I always know that he will always watch over my daughter and any future children that I may have.

Before you say that a newly mother can’t be depressed, think about this. Have you ever had a child? Have you ever thought of the crying to never end? Have you ever go nuts, in your mind, because your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

I give praises to newly mothers, especially ones that have babies or children with birth defects. I also want to praise all the mothers that try their best, when they think their best isn’t good enough.

You moms are doing amazing!

It’s good to hear a good thing or too. To me, it makes me feel inspired and more confident to shoot for the stars.

But the one thing that I always do, when I’m feeling depressed or down, I talk to someone. Whether it is a friend, family member, or my fiance. I talk to someone. I rather people know what’s going on, versus keeping it all locked inside. As much as I sometimes would rather not talk to anyone, I know that I should.

If you are a mom, who’s struggling with depression or ‘baby blues’, talk to someone or talk to your doctor, they can give you some medication that will make it easier for you to handle. As much as some people don’t like taking medications, I am one of those people, it does work.

I am always an open ear. Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, go to my Contact page and send me a message. It’s better to open up to someone, rather than no one.

To all those moms, you keep doing what you are doing, better days are sure to come.

*If you really need help and need to talk to someone or a medical professionally, click on the link below. It gives a list of hotlines and explains depression in depth. The hotline is there and is completely anonymous.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/